My Brother Wants Me To Be His Best Man, But My Partner Is Not Allowed At Wedding
Reddit.com seems to the new Dear Abby, a sounding board for people looking for advice on the oddest things. But this new post may be one some of our readers have actually dealt with. Posted in what seems to be a self help LGBT board, one of our fellow gay boys writes: My brother wants me to be his best man...but won't invite my partner to his wedding
I'm new to Reddit, so apologies if I am not posting this in the right place/forum...
This weekend when I went home for Thanksgiving, my parents informed me that my partner was not welcome to attend my brother's wedding. This was no shock, as they have not been supportive since I came out to them 3 years ago, and rarely if ever acknowledge that my partner even exists. You could even say that this was progress for them, because they actually mentioned his name! My extended family does not know I am gay, and i really don't care to come out to them--they are all pretty redneck and not welcoming of people who are different than their narrow view of what a human should be.
Their reasons were pretty shitty--"this is your brother's day, the focus should be on him", "we don't want this to affect our personal lives", "your relatives don't know about your living situation" (as though my partner is just a roommate or something...), etc etc etc. When they asked how I felt about their decision, I asked if they had spoken to my brother about this, to which they said "we've mentioned this to him and he is okay with it." Then I just said "I really don't have anything to say to you." And left the conversation.
Fast forward to the next day--my brother awkwardly asks me to be his best man. Wtf??? I was so shocked that I just said "ummm ok." I wish that I hadn't accepted (even if it was unenthusiastic), but I was just so caught off guard after the conversation I had had with my parents the night before. He was too scared to tell me that he is not going to invite my partner to his wedding, but he wants me to be his best man???
My real dilemma is that while my family's behavior is really shitty--I also kind of don't want to effectively "out" myself to 100+ of my shitty extended family members by bringing my partner to my brothers wedding. So while my family's behavior is appalling, I also agree that I don't want to bring my partner to the wedding, albeit for very different reasons than theirs.
How would you handle this situation?
So Instincters, what would you do?
Head over to the Reddit post to see how others have answered.