New Mayor Of Hell Bans All Straight People From Entering
When popular YouTuber Elijah Daniel was recently made the mayor of Hell, Michigan, he knew his first order would be to ban all straight people from entering the town.
In his heterosexual ban, Elijah cleverly employs language similar to that found in Trump's Muslim ban.
"Growing up, I was always told that homosexuals would go to Hell, now the heterosexuals are trying to take this from us too."
Straight people...always trying to make it about them!
Determined to keep "radical heterosexuals" out of Hell, Elijah plans to institute an extreme vetting process.
"We can no longer in good conscience allow straights to enter. However, will will not deport heterosexuals out of our town. Any heterosexuals currently residing in Hell will instead by charged an $84,000 reproductive precautionary deposit, which will be returned after one year abstinence from any heterosexual activities."
"We will also be offering a heterosexual reparative therapy program for hetero residents who would like to denounce their heterosexuality and become gay like the rest of the town."
Elijah also added the stipulation that people unwilling to submit to "straight cure" therapy must meet in the town center at 5.30am for a public ‘straight-shamed’. A mandatory cargo shorts dress code will also be enforced.
As you may have surmised, the goal was for Elijah to "Make Hell Great Again."
Sadly, the dream quickly faded, after it was revealed that Elijah had been impeached.
It turns out that he'd taken advantage of Hell's "Mayor for a Day" attraction, where you too can become mayor, after paying a nominal fee of $100.
Read Elijah's order below:
H/T: Gay Star News