Jonathan Higbee's picture

Survey: German Men Are The Worst Lovers. So, Who Are The Best?

A poll published by surveyed 15,000 women around the globe to rank countries with the best and worst male lovers. 

According to the survey, Germany got the lowest scores because the men are "too smelly." Rounding out the top five are the English ("too lazy"), Swedes ("too quick to finish"), the Dutch ("too rough"), and Americans ("too dominating"). 

On the other side of the sex spectrum, Latin countries unsurprisingly favored well in the survey. Spain boasts the best men in bed, while Brazil, Italy and France follow close by. 

The full results read:

1. Germany (too smelly)

2. England (too lazy)

3. Sweden (too quick)

4. Holland (too dominating)

5. America (too rough)

6. Greece (too lovey-dovey)

7. Wales (too selfish)

8. Scotland (too loud)

9. Turkey (too sweaty)

10. Russia (too hairy)



1. Spain

2. Brazil

3. Italy

4. France

5. Ireland

6. South Africa

7. Australia

8. New Zealand

9. Denmark

10. Canada

(Via Telegraph)


I am black and i was  also happen to be in bed with the German guy and he was an animal in bed and so good, plus he wasn't smelly, so if it happen that one person had a bad experience with that one German guy, it was his/her bad luck but generalizing isn't a good thing.......I must say, I LOVE GERMAN GUYS and i could still go back to them for more pleasure.

What the fuck is this? very rude closed-minded and have superiority complex for sure i've dated already a different types of guy from the different countries like France, Italy, Britain, Denmark, and Greece etc. but my Greek lover are the best lover with all of the guy that i've dated

So... Some people who comments here seem to have like no idea about how statistics work... 

Glad to live in Latin America. No wonder why some many european ladies are landing over here each summer.  The Law of Migration: you travel abroad to find what you don't have at home.

My boyfriend is German and he's the best partner I've ever had. very loyal, respectful, gentle, and hygienic! He smells wonderful all the time and our love making is the best I've ever had. This poll is silly

Well I'm Australian and I have a German partner.... just saying.... so she didn't have any luck there in her own country. Thing is there is always an exception to the rule. Even if this is a poll and even IF it is true, there will ALWAYS be an exception to the rule and some who do not fit in to the category specified, stupid to think otherwise. Even when I went to Germany and thought ok... most Germans are always pissed off (probably because of the constantly shit weather etc) there is an exception, I met REALLY great ones (sure minority, but still) also, COMPLETELY different when the sun is out and it is summer, it then switches to MOST are nice, happy and friendly. 

I know this is old ... but I have never read such a bullshit. The point is: Germans are always victims of silly stereotypes. If nothing works to satisfy the basic instincts of bored people, bashing of Germans always helps. The smelly German who is a bad lover ... Okay ...

Interesting that such polls are mainly initiated by Brits or Americans. Does that tell us something or not? Brazilians are the second best lovers? I once had one (the only foreign lover I had) and I have never had such bad sex for far ... He finished after one minute ... what a selfish guy. Does that mean that all Brazilians are like that? No!

Do you know understand that this "poll" cannot be anything else but a fake? As it's common to hate Germans it's clear enough why they got such results.

But perhaps I am not the person to judge it ... After all I haven't yet f**** through the nations.

I dont agree with that, I was once with a German man and he was a very good lover, very gentle and loving and he didnt stink.

For sure the Author never tried having a FILIPINO BOYFRIEND hehehe

Big surprise, this is dominated by Western European countries. no one has sex anywhere else then . . . 

A man once made very sweet love to me. He happened to be German. 

Strange... Lived in Germany for several years and never met a smelly man. They can be casual as tourists, but smelly? No. Where those ideas come from? Also German man are fantastic lovers, very caring, treat women with a lot of respect, and as Bernard said, they are uninhibited. Can be very romantic too, not shallow types. Prefer them to Spaniards or Italians, really. And American are very puritan and porn loving.

Its all the sour crout(sic) they eat yuck!!!!!

love German man.

Ethiopian girls are the best in the world.

No they are not, best women are Spaniards followed by Native american. Ethiopians gross, I can't even think of a black chick naked without being grossed out. Sorry. To each their own.

Jeremy, I don't know any straight guys that get grossed out at the sight of naked women, no matter what color they are.

First Jeremy just to break it down for you. Black women have the same body parts as White Woman, Asian, Middle Eastern and etc...what do you think we have something different. I don't assume All white men have small ass baby carrot dicks--Such as yourself, again I'm assuming--.Just because your black does not change the fact that your a woman or a man with those sex organs..what do you think, a black woman's sexual organs change? Our body is the same, minus the body color. I don't think it has anything to do with a person's gender for you. I think plain and simply your a Racist with a narrow view about the world and this is sad. Also, you could not  handle a black woman! Now, that's simply my opinion and to each and his/her own.

Why does this always turn into a racial thing? Jeremy prefers white women just as I prefer white men.  I am not a racist, but it certainly sounds like you are! I know plenty of black and white men that have small dicks! I love it when a black women claims that a white man could not handle her. No, he probably couldn't handle your attitude!

We all have the same body parts, regardless of the color of our skin, and we are all free to choose whatever floats our boat.  Please don't take his words out of context and turn it into something it's not. The reaction you had is the result of your own emotions and interpretation of your facts. What distinguishes a fact from opinion is that facts are verifiable!


please train your reading and interpretation more. Jeremy used the word "gross", which is insulting. Further more, he said "to each is own"!! That actually goes against to what you are saying...everybody is entitled to have preferences and to choose. Apparently, not for Jeremy...

There is a difference in sharing an opinion and truthful than just being a plain ass.

this is plain stereotyping. My first sexual experience with a man was German. He was excellent in of the best and I've been with so many, many men with different nationalities. Over 100 men...I lost count. I'm not proud of it because I don't want to be labeled a slut but I'm just being truthful. He was very gentle, loving and romantic. That was 5 years ago and to this day, I still remember it with such clarity. I know that I'll never forget him no matter how hard I try...even until I grow old, I'll never forget how he treated me so kindly, the smell of his skin and the size, shape & sweet smell of his cock..My second best would be a Mexican and third a Filipino. Anyone could be a great lover and I do believe that their nationality has nothing to do with it.

Oh, thank heaven; my husband and I are #'s 2, 3 and 4 between us.

Jewish men are the worst lovers because they have no foreskin to satisfy their women. That's why they have to pay for hookers, they have no game or skills.

Totally true. Jewish men suck in bed because they are too cheap to give.....even in the sack. Trust me, I am still married to one!!


I agree, ZX you are an idiot!

Ha. So not true, at least not when you know the definition of the three words you just used.

The only experts that can tell who is the best is man on man and woman on woman...women know nothing about good sex with their emotional states.  They can never make up their mind

I  Serbian guys

Why would Instinct publish a poll of WOMEN from four years ago, and start out with "A new poll published....." ?    Give me a break!

It doesn't say new. But granted 15,000 women cannot be indicative of a world poll...

So why are you posting a poll from 2009?

Are you serious? They are posting 2009 poll results from a women's poll so THEY CAN REPOST THE PIC OF MR ESPANA 2007!!!!  Get with the program

Sounds like I need a German man! He would lay there cold as ice while a wear on his ass, cum, then go.

You know there are other places in the world. There are these continents called Asia and Africa, but I guess you forgot about those. 

You know these are the 10 worst and 10 best? Also, last I checked South Africa is on the continent of Africa.

This post is so silly.

Russian men are too hairy?

What if you're into that?  The same argument can be made for almost every complaint on the list.

Also Italian men rank #3 and they are hairy as well - and that's awesome!

Actually you're right!  I like German men!

Hairy is awesome!!!

What do those homophobic, old unwanted trolls and fa@ hags think?!

Funny thing... A poll published by the same website in September 2009 shows exactly the same results.

Well done, Instant Magazine!

Good lord it's just a silly poll. You people spend way to much time and effort on something that in the bigger picture has no real social impact. This poll is based on stereotypes and pushes cultural hot buttons to get people to engage in pointless and meaningless conversation / debate on issues that mean nothing to the rest of the world. The magazine accomplished it's goal.. write a article that would hit peoples hot buttons and spark conversation and get them to share their feelings on social media. It's just that simple!

And both of us joined this discussion anyway... :)

hahah 2 points

Absolutely agree!!! Spaniards are sooooo hot!!!

I actually agree more or less with this ...

Hmm I beg to differ.  I find Germans a lot more fun in the sac.  Not sure who took this pole.  I think Germans are the most uninhibited. American far to conservative.

"sack", not "sac". "poll", not "pole". "too", not "to".

Shh, your uselessness is showing

The majority of Turkey is in Asia, so Asians kind of did get tossed into the mix in a sideways sort of manner.  :)

The results are rated by country and NOT ethnicity. New Zealand,  Australia and America for that matter are made up of many different ethnicities. These would also include those from Asian countries. Perhaps those places that were not colonized in the large 500 years can claim their results are down to ethnicity but those that were must have developed their traits recently. The lack of even a mention of a Asian country is strange .

I think you need to read between the lines here on being "too smelly".....A large percentage of the male population in Germany is uncircumcised.  Hygiene probably is their strong suit.....just sayin'  If it smells like raw hamburger meat gone bad, I don't think it would rank very high for me either....LOL

Sorry, but I know a HUGE amount of German people, and all they surveyed was women anyway. Morons. They should have surveyed men too for this. However, I have had lovers from all walks of life and German people do not stink, the assumption of Americans being too dominating is bullshit as is some of the other things they stupid bitches said. That being said, there is one ethnic group that DOES stink to high heaven constantly but they don't seem to think they do; but I am not going to say which group.

Leeeeeet's not get racist here, buddy.

WTF No Asians in the equation here? This is bull, I know Thailand should be somewhat ranked, why would everyone flock for free-love in Bangkok then? And all the middle-age men and women flock for the boys. Hahahah. 

I've met a lot of German guys and I have never smelled any body odor on them.

With over a billion people of Asian ancestry in the largest continent in the world, you'd think theres some serious f***ing going on. Looking at this survey, you'd think they don't even exist.

Regarding Asians, they might have included the culture in the list as the editor might have felt bad for all the "little penis" comments they would've received through the voting bahaha

Agreed - WTF?  How can you forget about all those countries and all those millions of lovers?  They dropped the ball on this one, and definitely showed their privilege in their study.

I grew up around them. They are always horny

Didn't you know? Asians flick their seed across the room.

I think there's an obvious western European bias.

It seems like a number of people are taking this non-scientific poll to heart. Being a biomedical researcher, I can at least say that by no means is this poll generalizable to any population. It was probably a convenient sample, therefore not representative of the true opinions of people and biased towards heterosexual individuals. That said, this is Instinct Magazine, not The Advocate. I hardly expert for them to post anything too serious online. It's a piece of trivia to tell a friend about and that's it.

Yes. It's true. Greek men are lovey dovy, but they are great in bed as well. Been to GREECE three times so far, and I never complained! Woof! Of course I'm speaking as a gay man! And honestly, yes Turkish men are too sweaty, but as a gay guy, there is nothing better than a sweaty guy while having sex with him! Yum! Just my two cents ;)

You know this is BS, right? The people surveyed are total idiots.

You are so right. Lol.

Here I was, happy for being in second place and some sour apples from the worst list had to rain on my parade pointing out it doesn't count for it was made with str8 people. Damn! 

It's really surprising, the myopic and narrowminded comments in response to this article.

You can go ahead and reply, but I probably won't see it. I just wanted to iterative a point.

Its a survey that asked WOMEN! ,Now ask gay men, and see what the survey says.........uh huh

I find this list interesting. Ireland is on the list of best lovers, and since I'm all Irish, I'm proud I guess, but on the worst list, England, America, Wales, and Germany all have a home. Now a good number of the British have Irish blood, I believe there are more people with at least some Irish blood in teh United States than any other nationality. I'm not sure if Wales has a number of Irish people living there, but I know the two have close ties and not a great love of Britain (even though Lizzie is Queen, they always maintain are Welsh, not British). I know many Germans have moved to Ireland. Is it to be better in bed?  Now my Irish male cousins, two gay, the rest straight, seem to have happy love lives. So I guess if you're Irish and you want to be a good lover, don't emigrate.

Now as far as Brazilians are concerned, I'm sure tehy know a thing or two. Many of the Starbucks in my area have Brazilian employees and Starbucks baristas are my favorite eye candy and the Brazilians are strikingly handsome and at Dunkin doughnuts, you have some pretty hot Brazilians as employees, and if I were a bit younger and mor edaing, I'd put tehm to the test.

Sounds like a bunch of ethnic stereotypes to me.

Especially for the U.S.

LeNair Xavier's picture

Instinct Magazine seems to have forgotten that it's primarily a GAY male magazine. Writing at length about a survey that was asked of heterosexual women is just STUPID.

For with gay males regardless of the country they come from, the result has a high risk of not being the same. For some countries are plagued with overcompensating macho attitudes that manifest differently during sex with gay males than it does with straight females.

It's just a fun informative article. Not everything has to be gay!

If by "informative" you're speaking in terms of the people that were surveyed, rather than the results.

The worst lovers are ones that are "Too lovey dovey"  or "too hairy" or "too loud?"

I mean, I can understand someone being too dominant or selfish...those are a bit harder to work with...but too "quick?"  too "loud?"  too "rough?"  Those can be worked on.  Not everyone is going to be the ideal lover the first time around, not to mention different people have different things they're wanting.  If they're too rough, it's easy to tell them to be a bit more gentle.  If you don't like their body odor, there's perfectly polite ways to let them know.  Labeling them as the "worst" lovers is a bit much, though.

Lovey dovey, hairy, loud, quick, rough...some people like that. Being any or some or all of these is not a negative if the other person is turned on by it. If the guy is quick, then that means we do it more often. Lovey dovey? After a couple spankings, he won't be so lovey. Hairy? If it's not plush, it's not a toy. Rough? I can be rougher, and he'll back down right away. If you're just gonna lay there and take whatever, shame on you. And if you don't know how to control a lovemaking session without being too dominant, then get some sex therapy

Sorry, I wasn't replying directly to Silver Hammer's comment. Actually I meant to just add to it - I wasn't trying to disagree with him in any way

Woohoo! Aussie Aussie Aussie!

Um...15000 is suppose to tell all. There are 7 billion plus people on earth. Also they only asked women, what about men that like men. We got something to say about it. Further more the 15000 women, what countries are they from? Just wondering.

that's why it's called a survey. It's a sample size of a relatively larger population, stupid.

I bet the results would be different if men were interviewed instead of women. We seem to have a more diverse appreciation for what is sexy.  For some, dominant, rough and hairy can be very sexy. Even 'smelly' has it's appeal for some men.  

Yes, don't blow your own horn ;)

As far as I'm concerned anyone with some amount of Spanish ancestry (i.e., Mexicans, Puerto Ricans, Cubans, Dominicans, El Salvadorans, Guatemalans, etc., etc., etc.) are all sub-listed under #1.

They have Latin ancestry. Hispanic is a linguistic group (like Arabs and Slavs) and not every Latino has Spanish blooks. To say that King Juan Carlos I of Spain and Celia Cruz are the same racially is absurd.

I agree. Being Latino I don't much care for the term "Hispanic" because I feel it excludes all those with indigenous ancestry. From the countries listed on both lists it seems to me that the poll was biased towards western Europeans, being that they lumped everyone in the U.S. (from hundreds of racial/ethnic groups) into one.

Not to blow my own horn (though I wish I could), but Dominicans and/or Cubans deserve their spot at the top 10.

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