Waiting Until Marriage: Gay Christians,Faith, and Sexuality
Have you struck out on dating? Does it seem like the dating process is now just the handful of chat messages on an app before the sex happens? Well that's what you get for logging on to hook-up apps looking for the impossible, right?
It seems that even the sites/apps that appear to be more traditional and date oriented like plentyoffish and okcupid are flooded with horny men looking for that simple logging on and getting off experience.
What could be the solution? Besides praying for a miracle? Well, maybe that is the solution.
They met on OkCupid. At the time, Constantino Khalaf, now 37, lived in New York City, and David Khalaf, now 39, lived in Los Angeles. But the distance didn't faze them. The couple, now married, had found two shared traits in each other: They were both Christian, and they were both waiting until marriage to have sex.
"You can use sex to control someone or denigrate a person. Or you can use sex to say something beautiful like 'I love you,'" Constantino Khalaf said. "Sex can be used to say 'I am yours, you are mine' -- the idea of a marriage covenant."
Their beliefs in sex are rooted in a theology of marriage that reserves sexual intimacy until they make that sacred covenant. In a traditional evangelical sexual ethic, virginity is meant to be a gift for your partner after the sacred marriage covenant -- a belief that is interpreted to be a biblical directive.
LGBTQ Christians who are waiting until marriage navigate their faith and sexuality in a unique ways. While finding an affirming theological interpretation of their sexual identities, many still adhere to a conservative sexual ethic. It may seem surprising since this sexual ethic has historically excluded LGBTQ identities. Yet their sexuality doesn't change that they are people of faith, nor does it dismiss a long-held Christian sexual ethic of chastity until marriage.
While neither of the Khalafs were virgins when they began dating, they made the commitment to stay chaste until marriage, choosing to reserve sexual intimacy until they made a permanent, lifelong, spiritual bond. For them, sex is a form of communication, a language they only want to speak with each other.
"Is sex outside of marriage, or at least outside of relationship, edifying?" David Khalaf said. "I didn't find it to be edifying outside of a committed relationship. I've used it as a tool. I've used it for gratification, and I've used it in ways that are selfish."
The couple said they were far from chaste before marriage. They discussed their sexual likes and dislikes candidly. They were unafraid to be physical with each other and described their relationship as "hot, intimate and sensual"-- just without the act of sexual penetration. - NBCnews.com
Of course, you don't have to be Christian or religious to hold off on sex before you marry.
Do you have a hard time holding off on the sex when dating?
Do you prefer holding off on the physical?
Do you get the physical out of the way first and then see if the person is the right one to date?
Constantino and David Khalaf married recently, and with marriage came sex. "I think you're pretty tired after the wedding; I think most people are pretty tired after the longest day of their lives. But we were still determined to have a good time!" David Khalaf said.
"The wedding night is never going to be the best sex of your life," Constantino Khalaf added. "The best sex comes after. Like your honeymoon, when you're well rested." Rest assured, they said, their three-week honeymoon was eventful. - NBCnews.com