Jonathan Higbee's picture

Young Gay Blogger: Gay Men Over 30 Should Stay Out Of The Clubs

A blog post from late last week has been making the rounds on social media, and igniting a firestorm of comments in its wake. Titled "Gay Men & The Curse of the Peter Pan Syndrome," the editorial posted to GayGuys.com by writer Dalton Heinrich asserts that gay men "are absolutely horrible when it comes to growing up."

Because of this, Heinrich prescribes gay men 30 and up one simple task: stay out of gay bars and clubs.

Nobody bats an eye when a straight male in his adult prime is at a bar or club hitting on younger women, so what's Heinrich's deal?

He writes:

Since the beginning of my social existence a large portion of my friends had been older than myself. I had always just assumed that I was mature for my age when in actuality I think most of the gay men I associated with had never mentally passed the age of 25. From boyfriends, to just friends, to acquaintances, to people I would repeatedly bump into at gay bars; a large portion of them were at a dead end when it came to maturing.

Why is it a social norm of ours to be in our late forties and going clubbing and bar hopping multiple times a week? Of the hundreds of grown men I know, why are so few of them actually grown up? Was I doomed to a life of bottle service and boyfriends half my age because I couldn’t settle down and start a family at an appropriate time. 

...

It is as if all gay men are terrified to grow up. The abundance of thirty and forty something’s that attend nightclubs persistently and dress like they are going to a college frat party is astounding. Instead of the Botox, barhopping and H&M wardrobes; why as a culture, are the majority of us not having children and planning our futures.

...

The sad, thirsty man haunting the shadows of 18 and up clubs is slowly killing our culture. When my generation of gays gets older are we going to think that is the normal thing to do with our nights? Are we all destined to be ghosts of our youth, dramatically hunting down a thrill rather than being man enough and brave enough to go toward the light and move on to actually being an adult?

I think it is time to fight off this trend of a permanent youth. We all need to realize how to act our age and how to play our part in our community. It is time to be a role model for the next group of young men. It is time to tell Peter Pan that you want to go home and as much as it may not be the funniest thing to do, it is time to grow up.

What do you think about Heinrich's advice for gay men older than 29? (Read his full editorial here.)

(h/t: Wicked Gay Blog)

 

Comments

....but if you ban anyone over 30, there would be nobody left to buy drinks. 

I tell this guy one thing, go for now and come back when you are our age and let's talk about again.

I'm 45, been in a relationship for 12 years, have a 6 figure income and am too tired to go to the club.  If you still have the strength, more power to ya regardless your age!

Everybody grows old(if they live long enough) and dies. So go to a bar or club if you feel like it. Who gets hurt if a person over 30, 40. 50 etc. spends time at a club of their choice? It's nobodies business how a  grown person spends money. The article is utterly shallow and ridiculous.

What a nonsense. I enjoy dancing and I hate intoxicating myself. Being 30+ I don't see why I should stop going out and dance the night an day sorrows away, while still flirting with guys (or actually less and less as I grow older). It's not a youth thing. I just the great pleasure of dance.

Well i agree to dis agree i am 32 i go to clubs and bars once or twice a month y? COZ I CAN and if there are a gr8 song playing i dance i sit down drink my drinks and chat i live like there are no tomorrow and auniatley i tip 50%of my bill so i dont care its a guy like me that give i weanker like him good tips

This person isn't speaking about NYC....

1st No one under 30 makes enough to live there and go out.

2nd There are no Night Clubs left.

As much it may feel like an attack for some of us. I tend to agree with to Heinrich's point of view. It may be a bit extreme, but seriously, go to a gay club and you will see a lot of 'older' gay men who do refuse to grow out of the bar scene. I don't think it only applies in the gay community, I've also seen it in the straight clubs. And at the same time I'm not saying gays above 30s should be banned from the clubs and the bars. BUT it's about time we learn to outgrow the clubs and the bars. 

Why?  Just because you think it should be so?  There is NO REASON to "learn to outgrow the clubs and the bars."  If you don't want to go, then don't, but unless you have a compelling and sensible reason, then I ask again, why?

Sorry - I agree. At 33 I have outgrown the bars... sure once in a great while (once or twice a year) I might go out- but there are a lot of gays that refuse to grow up and move on...

I figure the folks that didn't come out until later in life are pretty much doomed to a life trying to recapture what they missed.... while the younger generations that come out, have a regular adolescent experience, and move on will not stay in the scene but will get married and have families.

I feel badly for the older generation... they did most of the work to get us where we are today... and I won't criticize them for where they are... they just didn't have the benefits of the experiences that we did- thanks to them.

So- as a thirty something, I say thank you to those who came before for fighting for equality. It's up to those of us that come after to fulfill that dream and show the world that we can handle the responsibility.

Exactly - AMEN!

You've made no argument for this.  If you don't want to go out any longer, then don't, but a blanket "over 30 shouldn't go out" is just an ignorant thing to say or support.

As for the "didn't come out until later in life" justification, so what?  If you came out at 17  or 70, what does that have to do with going to a club other than NOTHING?

And complement all us "older generation" all you want, it doesn't justify saying "thanks for paving the way for us, but you're old so stay home."  Fuck you.

Thank You!!!!!

http://supportedbythebible.wordpress.com/2010/05/13/should-i-kill-gay-people/

Should I Kill Gay People?

Does the Bible support killing gays?

This is another tough subject to conquer. Sometimes the Bible is hard to understand when it comes to knowing what a person can and cannot do. I do believe all answers to all of our hardest questions can be found in the Bible. We simply must come forward with an open heart and mind and be willing to listen. God will speak to us if we are willing to hear.

I think we all know there is a difference between murder and killing. Murder is done to innocent people who don’t deserve to die. That is a sin and should be punished. Sometimes though, if someone is going to harm you or your loved ones, you may have no choice but to kill them. There are rare times when killing is acceptable under God’s law. Time of war and battle fall into this category. But in what other situations is killing acceptable? When our moral foundations are threatened, is that something we can kill for? Let us open us the good word that the Lord God has provided for us and read what he has to say to us today.

Leviticus 20:13
If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.

I know this seems very straightforward. We sometimes have to think over the words of the Bible, and make sure they do not have hidden meanings. We must address spiritual and historical contexts. I know from my discussions with many other believers that often this is considered to be Old Covenant law. This may or may not be true, let us look at this at that concern. If this were Old Covenant law, there would be no supporting texts in the New Testament. So we must open up our New Testament and see how it treats this subject matter.

1 Corinthians 6:9
Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders

1 Timothy 1:9-10
9 We also know that law is made not for the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious; for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers, 10 for adulterers and [perverts], for slave traders and liars and perjurers—and for whatever else is contrary to the sound doctrine

Regarding 1 Timothy 1:10, some translations of the original text do use the word homosexuals instead of perverts. If you open up your New American Standard Bible you will see this is the case. Overall we can see that the New Testament clearly condemns gays. There is not much ambiguity here. However, we now have a new question at hand. Does this mean that we should be killing the gays, or should we live and let live? We have to do more reading! The Holy Word always provides an answer!

Romans 1:24-32
24 Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25 They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.
26 Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.
28 Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. 29 They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30 slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31 they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32 Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.

Again another verse that speaks of the sin of homosexuality! The text “men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another” clearly points to these depraved sinners. But this verse in the wonderful book of Romans comes with a clear suggestion! These verses read: “those who do such things deserve death“. What a wonderful and clear word from our awesome and loving God!!

I think the best part of this is that this shows that regarding homosexuality Old Covenant laws still stand! We should indeed kill the gays as our holy book tells us. In Genesis 19:4-5, 24-25, God himself even set an example for us by killing all of the homosexual sinners in Sodom and Gomorrah. Is it not exciting when God speaks so clearly to us! The Bible does indeed have all of the answers for us. As 2 Chronicles 15:12-13 points out to us, anyone who does not seek the Lord God of Israel should be put to death. The Lord is wonderful and may his name last forever.

To conclude this study, we should pray that God gives us the strength to kill gays when we need to. We know he will, as he always provides for us when we need it the most.

Do you really think god is homophobic? Of course not, you idiot!

Blah blah blah.  Follow ALL the rules first.

And God can't wait to send you to hell.

Fuck you A hole! Go rot in hell

G Young....The guilty must be punished.  You are the disease..the cancer and the dead rotting flesh that must be cut away for the sake of humanity.

Gays are evil and must be destroyed.

You poor, pathetic,superstitious sadist. You must be really, really, really unhappy. I mean, deeply truly fucked up. Here's a suggestion, bubbelah: go find a nice SM hustler to beat all that nastiness out of your frustrated what-passes-for-a-soul. You know you want it.

Mishi....ALL it takes is ONE bullet to the head to shut you up...or maybe just play on the freeway..maybe a truck will run over your sorry ass.

ALL Fags go to HELL.

Sad... He's likely one of those who will remain single for a long time. Who wants to be with a young immature 

Smile... its kinda interesting that just reading this stream of dialogue reminds me why I stopped going to the clubs on a regular basis many years ago.  Depending on where you live, clubs may be the only place where LGBYT can hang out, have a good time, meet people and feel safe.  That's great - they serve a valuable purpose and its good entertainment..

But for anyone who feels their life must simply revolve around the club - its a different story.. perhaps they need to look elsewhere and get some new life experiences.  Its fun people watching, flirting and buying drinks, checking out who is still around (or alive) and finding out what's new in the community.  But for god sakes people... why are we taking pot shots at each other rather than showing a bit of understanding.  It kills me that we criticize the non LGBYT world for coming down on us yet we really do a super brilliant job of bashing our own brothers and sisters, whom we should be supporting.  People are different, get over it.  If you work in hospitality (including bars and restaurants) show some respect for your customers.  It doesn't matter who is paying for the drink or giving you the tip.. if you dislike your job and dislike the people you are serving do us all a favour and get out of the business or find another establishment where people wont piss you off so much. Why ruin our experience?

What is LGBYT supposed to stand for?  I googled it and all I found was Lesbian Gay Bisexual Youth of Toronto.  That can't be right.  I have seen LGBT with an added Q for questioning, but I have never seen the added Y.

I felt the same way in my twenties. Trust me, he'll grow out of it.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jeremy-helligar/the-roaring-30s-and-40s-a_...

Not all of them, but the young gay people of today need to wake up. I have never known a more shallow, vapid and unappreciative generation so far. What a ridiculous article and what absurd statements. Obviously this guy is not "mature for his age", to make such assumptions.

What amazes me is that it's usually the guys over 30, buying these younger guys the drinks. The latest generation seem to thing they are owed something without doing any work for it and that includes buying them drinks because they are shallow enough to thing that 'looks' are the 'be all and end all'. 

These bars would definitely not last as long without the generations which came before. Why doesn't this waste of space simply confess how he simply isn't attracted to older people. What an ass!

Just remember that categorizing everyone in the younger generation is not accurate. There are many in all generations that are this vapid and think something is owed to them. I am 23 and buy drinks for my friends (most of which are over 30) all the time. They buy me drinks in return as well. Social functions base on reciprocity. The immature people who think they can just get everyone to buy them drinks based on looks (and I have seen it from all ages) will soon realize they dont have any true friends. 

With that said, the person who wrote this article is rather ignorant of social structure as well as of people's desires. Most of the older men I know do not live to go out to the bars, but do enjoy going out for a few beers and catching up with friends in the community. I do not know anything about the writer of this column but I can see that he is one of those "You can't sit with us" types. 

ALL GAYS REGARDLESS OF AGE ARE LIVING AGAINST GOD'S PLAN AND AS SUCH, THEY MUST BE UTTERLY DESTROYED BY GASOLINE AND FIRE TO BURN AWAY ALL IMPURITIES!

NASTY FAGS MUST BURN!!

Anti-Gay Song/Video -" Livin Outside Of God's Word" - by Surrender

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEQNianUW_E

-When a man loves a woman,a woman loves a man
-It's all a part of God's family plan
-As Adam to Eve,a man takes a wife
-But as Bruce is to Steve (Oh,Lord),it's bound to take your life **{chorus} It's called Livin' Outside of God's Word Ain't it the strangest thing,you've ever seen or heard You keep on doin' as you please (laugh) Now that's your choice,here comes your disease (yeah) Someday soon my God will bring you to your knees Oh,oh oh,oh Oh...........................

-Now Sodom and Gomorrah,they never stood a chance
-This godly man did plea,but they would not repent
-So do all that you see,that's right in your eyes
-Until the word of God comes from His judgment seat
-To burn it all with fire........... }chorus} -followed by guitar interlude
Are you ready for a Love,that's sent from above -It's when a woman loves a man,what don't you understand -When God blessed the seed,He came through Adam and Eve -Not Steve and Dave,not Ellen and Mary Jane (Ahhhhhh!!!) #Guitar solo#

-When a man loves a woman,a woman loves a man
-It's all a part of God's family plan
-As Adam to Eve,a man takes a wife
-But as Bruce is to Steve,it's bound to take your life(uhhhh)... ****GOOD-BYE SODOM & GOMORRAH!!!!!!!!******

You have invalidated your entire arugment. Idiot

Dude have you ever had a gay man or woman take in what you selling and say, "Hey! you know what? you're right! Im going to be straight now! Goodbye nasty ol gay life." I know for a fact you havent so why are you wasting your time? Come to Chattanooga TN. Email me when your here and I will happily resort to your level and embellish. Dont go crying when a fag breaks your heart, (with a crowbar) 

LOL!  Nothing but limp wristed punks, fags & queers in Chattanooga....I've been to your pitiful fucking state and HATED it!

I'd gladly go back to crush your sorry ass and send to the ER!  

e-mail me at:  fagdestroyer@gmail.com

Unless your faggot ass is too afraid to, that is....LMFAO!!

GAYS ARE EVIL CREATURES AND SHOULD ALL BE ELIMINATED!

That was hilarious!  Thanks for linking that sucktastic video!  ;-P

It's us older people had not stood up at Stonewall and in the schools, streets, and other places, you "young" ones wouldn't be as open or much less have a gay bar. Maybe you want to ask the transgendered and bi-sexuals not to come as well ?  I"m 54 and met my husband  20 years ago while out having a drink. We still enjoy a few cold ones on a Saturday night. Some of the younger crowd are busy in to their drugs, hustling a dollar, and bitching about anyone who isn't like them. Our dollars and tips support the bars and gay community more than yours does.  Maybe there's a reason you can't find someone, and the reason is you.

Stonewall is right along line with any Gay Pride function, as both are shameful to gays. Only disgusting, old flamers associate themselves with such trash.

"Anonymous'?  Chicken shit.

Wow the absolute immaturity of some of these comments saying for old people to stay away? Ummm you do realise many of these people have been at gay venues since before you even hit puberty? It's because of them and their continued support venues stay open........ Also saying that they are loving dead end lives and work in retail? The fuck, you vicious little queens will find anything you can to degrade others, you make me sick and shamed to call myself gay, go sort your own lives out before telling others how to live theirs, can't wait for you little pricks to hit 30 and see how quickly your world changes. Oh and I'm only 25 in a relationship of 2 years and we getting. A house together ...... Yet I still go to gay bars and clubs, go play on a freeway, stereotypical wanna be scene queens 

Please don't call them "pricks" - it is a very offensive insult...to my prick. I love my prick.

I think you sound like Carrie Bradshaw in sex and the city. Follow your own advice and grow. 

I'm 38 professional working and productive male in a 6 years healthy and beautiful realtionship with a 27 year old professional, we both like to have fun travel and go clubing and unless you are paying for our drinks, which I'm pretty sure you can not afford, do me a favor and shut the hell up... idiot. 

TRUTH!!

If you are over 25 and still going to the bars, you clearly are not were you should be in life. Think about it, by this point in your miserable lives you should be working towards a career, a home, getting up early each day. The only ones over 25 that I ever see in a club are the broke asses who work retail and have no ambition in life. Sad and lonely lives you old broke trolls lead.

THRUTH!!

If you're so afraid of giving your name you should shut the fuck up, you pissy queen.

In Montreal, there was a super chic and swell club that went by the name of Parking - catered to the under 25 crowd, and demanded an entry fee of $20 - supersized egos went in and thought they were the shit. Where is Parking today? Boarded up and nowhere to be found. Compare that with the Stud, which has all types of peopl... slim muscle daddies, hairy bears, 55s and upwards, etc. The lighting ain't that great... but it's packed solid after 9 p.m. on weekends. So, under 25s... if you need really swanky bars with high tech lighting catering to your age group...go ahead, the clubs will be closed in two years anyway. In the meantime, lots of the people at the Stud and the Black Eagle are Uni. profs, professional real estate agents, etc.  who just want to have a geat time on weekends and who walk home to their condos after the bar closes.

Well that's an ignorant comment.  The owners of Le Parking closed up and opened Apollon.  Club Unity has been in the village for over 10 years now and they cater to the 18-25 crowd.  Same with Club SKY.  You should fact check before you type things.  They all get way more crowded than Stud.

Well u know what they say... it takes one to know one.

Perhaps that young man should be in college working towards a degree, because honey, if it wasn't for us old farts, you wouldn't have a bar to work in an don top of that , if we stopped coming to the bars, you wouldn't make any money, because we're the guys that buy the younger guys drinks and tip your fat ass

Haha ! Before I even read any of the comments, my reaction was exactly as John's ! Godd on yer, mate - young gay guys these days breed a vicious attitude - it is YOU that will have trouble growing up ! Young guys are terrified of ageing. All they want is sex, sex and more sex. Mean bitches when it comes to buying drinks and tipping at the bars. In my youth, I enjoyed the company of the mature,nay, elderly guys. Polite, unassuming and willing to chat about their lives. So think about it, Mr Blogger, before you spout any more shit !

Guy already looks over 30 and is ugly as hell.  No one wants him for anything so to hell with the idiot who thinks he's young. He has no education, no looks no nothing! I pity the SOB

I bet that you're so gorgeous that you only have time to post insults in between your high-paying modeling gigs.

I think its brilliant how you just completely cut out the parts about how gay men should be starting families and settling down, and instead choose only to focus on the bar/hopping clubbing aspect. I think that says a lot more about the "author" of this blog post than it does about the author of the Peter Pan blog post. 

I think he should go fuck himself cheeky arrogant little cunt I bet when he's 30 plus he will still be going out ignorant little prick sorry guys had to say it X X

Well Jonathan! Maybe you should read a couple of books such as "The End of Gay" and "The Male "men"opause"... You "amy" then understand that you are part of the most brilliant generation ever of "gay" males... The ones who saw the "Coming Out" from the 1960's onwards and the "Ebbing" from now until ???? (The "Ebbing will be when the Gay Culture will be so intertwined with the "normative" culture that there will be NO Gay Bars/Restaurants/Clubs.... A big happy family... Meanwhile, watch, learn, absorb what your elders can teach you...... BTW (at this time, good idea to drop the Attitude (see the "A"), it will not help you).....

I'd like to see what happens to him when he hits the ripe old age of 30.

It's clear that the article is immature and narrow-minded. However, the smattering of cheap insult-driven, all together hatefully violent responses do very little to give any credence to the notion that gay men over 30 are any more mature than the young writer himself. A shame really, since it's the perfect arena to prove the value of a more senior generation. 

I am a Professor of Sociology and into my early 40s. I believe that his message was misinterpreted because of his poor writing and unclear thoughts. Yes, he is too black and white, but I understand from where he is coming. We do not fit into a heteronormative structure, but we do also generate an unhealthy Peter Pan syndrome in our culture. Ergo, I believe he has some merit to his issue. One final note: there is nothing in the article that directly expresses the writer's age. We just assume from the rhetoric that is under 30, but this is not definitively clear. 

Sounds like he needs to mind his own business! I'm 21 and I don't see any issues with people of any age or orientation going out to clubs or bar hopping. Like so many other comments have pointed out, the men who are now "older" are the ones who gave laid the foundation for the younger ones to be able to experience the "gay life" outside of their house. Living in Texas I can see that many gay men don't have the same opportunities that I have. So thanks to our senior gays and forget this little punk! Our bars and clubs would suck without you! ;)

DON'T KNOW WHY YOU ARE ALL WASTING YOUR TIME REPLYING - YOU ARE JUST GIVING HIM WHAT HE WANTS - THAT IS ALL

So, your comment is a "not-reply"? :P

Young Gay Blogger Isn't Old Enough To Have An Opinion That Matters.

I have not taken the time to read all the other posts but it seems that he is simply too young to realize that the freedom he has to blog about his gay discontent is a new freedom for all of us.  Gay civil rights is still relatively new and has only been around for a few decades, or rather his entire life.  He mentions 'gay culture' but he doesn't actually no anything about gay history which is the basis of modern gay culture.

His ideology is just an over-layering of the an idyllic straight culture that he so recently left.  Settle down, have kids?  Not even all straight people want that and many of those that do are waiting until their 30's or even later to finally "settle down".

If we wants to be "mature" then he should be at a 4 years college/university cracking the books working to build his "mature" future.  That will likely be where he finds individuals interested in improving their futures, real futures, not futures based on idyllic past standards of conformity of the nuclear family because apparently this kids thinks you have to have kids to have your relationship taken seriously and be a real settled family.

Maybe he's just still concerned about disappointing his parents.

Well said.  Thank you.

The writer of the original article comes across as an entitled, ungrateful douche. Basically, he thinks that gays in their 20's should get to reap the benefits of the hard work, fighting, and public torture that his elders endured to build this world where gay clubs can even EXIST. But those men who put their lives on the line should now, because the clock has struck a certain magical number on the dial, lock themselves away and be "grown-ups". Well, his concept of being grown-up sounds like a bleak, dismal, and heteronormative place that nobody should be shunned off to. I get that being 50 and wearing American Eagle and going clubbing 4 nights a week at clubs frequented by 18 year olds is not a good look. But the author's view is too black and white: it's either go out and party like a 20 year old, or else stay home and knit.What he fails to take into account is that there is a WAY to go about going out that is perfectly fine and respectable for anyone at any age. He's showing his immaturity by his failure to recognize that "grown-ups" can live very "grown-up" lives AND still manage to go out and have fun. In fact, these are the times when you most deserve to go out: when your affairs are in order and you have the time, money. and means that come later in life. Has he ever heard of a babysitter? I'm in my mid-30's, and I don't party like I did 10 years ago, but you better believe I'll go out sometimes and I more than deserve it when I do. I also find that I can learn a lot more and have a better time with people 30 and up. I'd rather speak to a fun, fabulous 50 year old then some vacant 20 year old with their nose stuck in Grindr scrolling through random torso pics. My advice to the author is, ironically, grow up!

God help the little bastard when he hits 30.  When he actually realizes that the brain does not age the way the body does.  I'm 50 with the spirit of a 19 year old, some days 16.  Yes the joints ache and the memory faulters at times, but the spirit is alive.  I wish I could find places that still play the music I used to love to dance to.

And if this little boy ever finds his way into the Leather Community; I hope that he is treated like the snot nosed little pup that he is.  A new comer with no talents, no foresight, and no sense of self.  Just selfishness.

And you should NEVER lose your spirit! You should be applauded for still having it and holding on to it in a world that seeks to destroy it - gay or straight.

Silly little queen, who do you think worked for the society you live in today, the older gays that you seem so bothered by, that's who. Just because you are freaked out at the prospect of getting older.

I see lots of name calling and "immature" responses here, kinda where he was going with this article by the way.  I am 42 years old, gay, and still go clubbing and bar hopping.  Although I think that this article is one sided and I can see how some may be offended by it - I however, am not.  This guy will be in his 30's and 40's and 50's someday and his attitude towards his current opinion will change.  One day someone younger will call him a troll or write an article generalizing something about him and he will think back and hopefully say "yeah, I did that once".  The only thing I want the younger gay generation to understand is their ability to live their lifestyles so much better than this people he writes about because of the paths that the older generations have laid for them.  Instead of them calling us trolls or snickering behind our backs or writing articles on how we should stay out of clubs and bars, they should embrace the fact that they truly wouldn't have it as good as they do without the older generation.  But like so many young people today, they take things for granted, are unappreciative and are so intertwined with their online social lives that they forget what it's like to actually be social, which includes not ignoring the older generation.

most old gay men are established financially etc... so whats the problem if they go to bars? I believe bar owners welcome the clients who have more than enough money to spend in their bars? there should be an OGBars for 30+ gay men but youngones are welcome..ogb = old generation/gay bar

I have no idea what clubs this guy is going to but I am 30 and went to fire island a completely gay scene and I was the average person at the club. I have seen many of my friends adapt kids and get married own houses and grow fat and old at home. My later 20s I finally had the money to do all the things I wanted to do that I was to busy to do when I was younger. If this is called Peter Pan syndrome then so be it. Plus I also think the younger generations doesn't use the club scene anymore as much as the 30+ category since that is what we used to meet others before the apps and the social media.

This little shit....I'm 38 and although don't go to gay bars every weekend, enjoy going out. Just because we go out doesn't make us any less mature than a straight man our age who goes out and enjoys a night of drinking and dancing. Besides, some of us enjoy meeting guys the old fashion way, not sitting in our underwear scratching our balls and flipping through Grindr looking for dick like it's ordering a pizza. And furthermore, us older generation MADE gay bars what they are today. You younger idiots need to run along and go play with your Power Rangers and Pokemon and get the hell out of our way!! Nobody cares that your shirt is 3 sizes to tight and your pants are 2 sizes to small and you all shop at the same stupid store and get your hair cut at the same Walmart Salon.

Sadly, our future of LGBT rights movement is in the hands of a dillweed f**ktard like this little bastard!! How bout staying out of the bars so much, young man and worry about getting an education and doing something with your pathetic life instead of writing asinine (stupid) blogs. UNNECESSARY: Everything you do and everything you say is just that...UNNECESSARY!

"Little shit" is exactly what he is.

Oh...and one more thing....LEARN PROPER GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION. There's an old saying, "It's best to be presumed a fool than to write a blog and relieve all doubt."...You, young man, are a fool!!

Kind of funny how you preach about proper grammar when you don't know the difference between "to" and "too".

These judgemental opinions is probably why he's still at the bars and clubs himself.
Get with the times, if you want to be a stay at home mom, that's your deal. Don't push your narrow minded view how things should be on others.
The truth is:
Men don't mentally mature until 50
Some like to go out
Older men have the means to go out
Bars and Clubs are really a place to find a booty call for most
Very Un too often will you find a meaningful relationship at a bar
My advice for this blogger is that he should start taking his mirrors to the trash, and quit taking stupid selfies; cause honey, you're growing old too.
Keep your quams to yourself, your attitude is vile and causing wrinkles on that smug face of yours.

I second that!! Well said...Well said, indeed!!

I LOVE THIS SCENE WHERE BRUCE WILLIS SHOOTS THE HOMO IN THE MOVIE "THE JACKAL".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gBKE5MUiQc

And I love the scene where your dumbass gets a baseball bat wopped upside your head and your teeth end up in your shit, fucktard. Don't be a coward little bitch and hide behind a computer. Btw, why are you on a gay site if you don't have a little sugar in your pants, Dancing Queen? It's okay, come out the closet you undercover faggot. Oh, and btw, if I knew who you were and where I could find you, I would film me beating the shit out of you. Just sayin'.....How you like me now, Bitch?

HEY FAG!!  YOU SICKEN ME, YOU DICK IN THE ASS LOVING FRUITCAKE!!

YOU LIMP WRISTED FAIRY QUEEN LITTLE PUNK ASS ....I'LL CRUSH YOU LIKE THE LITTLE INSIGNIFICANT ANT THAT YOU ARE!!

MAIL ME AT FAGDESTROYER@GMAIL.COM TO LET ME KNOW WHAT TOWN I NEED TO GET TO BEAT THE SHIT OUTTA YOU AND SEND YOUR FAGGOT ASS TO THE ER!

Hey I raped your Mom last night. She was ok at best. She screamed and screamed. Tell her to shut the fuck up next time. Your dad cried and I asked him for his tears as lube. I thought he had down-syndrome at first but I was mistaken. It was so dark. But then after I had your bitch-cunt Mom make me breakfast and I asked her why she was crying while she was cooking and she said she had the biggest piece of shit child. He never amounted to anything, he lives in the basement and he's 40! That HAS to be you right? Lol Im right aint I? 

We are the future homeboy. Soon enough every state will have gay marriages, gay politicians, and gay police and people like you will be rounded up and exterminated like the fucking worthless trolls you are. Have a pleasant day in that dank, dark depressing basement you live in. 

Wow guess you told him you should feel amazzzzzzing now right LOOOOOOOZER

Very good points made in the original post. 

Sure, go out and have a good time. Don't make that a life-style for yourself. There's a world to discover out there. 

When Mr. Heinrich learns how to take a valid, credible, and reasonable position or idea about something, and express it in a way that is not rife with poor grammar, spelling, an punctuation, and he is able to display a basic understanding of the proper use of metaphors and debate technique, I might listen to his argument.
Until then, his article sounds a lot more like the melodramatic whining of a one-dimensional, self-centered, aloof spoiled brat., who is himself afraid of getting older, and terrible insecure about what his future holds.
And while his choice of words was weak at best, his choice of photo, submitted with his article on GayGuys.com does absolutely nothing to make him look an any way like a serious, intelligent, contemplative, or highly analytical young man.
The pose, the styling, and the attitude being projected with that puss on his face make him look absolutely nothing like like a young Michael Signorile or Dan Savage, and everything like the gay male version of the classic, vacuous "Valley Girl."
I hope he finds some peace, happiness and confidence in himself, so that he can attempt to get his own life together, before he attempts to analyze what everyone else around him is doing wrong.

So, a person who posts his own blog portraying his own opinion obviously had you in mind when selecting his argument. A lot of what he says is true, and regardless of his prose, you get the hint. Weak writing doesn't invalidate an opinion or observation, and it doesn't really matter if you choose to take it seriously.

Lack of maturity and alcoholism are intertwined: they reinforce one another. Your sampling of a control group that already drinks too much is not giving accurate demographics of gay culture. Many of us gave up the drinking long ago and, voila....maturity appears.

Young guys need to learn from the older generation because most likely they will end up with some sort of disease or something. They need mentorship. All the young gay guys that I socialize with look up to me for advice and guidance

AGREE experience of some older generations are good teachers when shared by them to younger generations...older generation also learn from younger generations ...

AGREE experience of some older generations are good teachers when shared by them to younger generations...older generation also learn from younger generations ...

Not sure why anyone would disagree with this.....it's so on the money.  Then again, I guess the only people who would have a negative reaction are those who are fifty and still going to night clubs every single weekend....and to those men, I say....time to grow up?

I am 40 and yeah, I occasionally go out....but the thought of doing it every weekend like I did in my twenties makes me want to shoot myself in the head.....

Am I supposed to influence the next generation or am I supposed to sit at home curled up in an afghan on the couch petting my cats.  Which is it?  Hmmmm?

I am no were near gay but i totally disagree with the writer. I do have a very hot sexy looking gay uncle whom is in his late 30's whom loves to socialize and club. He is very successful and he brings life to ever place he goes in to he is loved by men and women all ages.

I hope all of you guys are also posting your comment on Heinrichs's blog, after all your messages may not reach him.

Now I think the whole point of bars & clubs are to socialize & relax, i mean, they got the name "club", right?; also if you want to wear a suit,short shorts or a dress because it makes you feel good you shouldn't give an F of what other people think, and also otherwise we wouldn't have fun criticizing other's outfits :). We have suffered enough hardships & marginalization that it's a shame to do that to our community. A big part of being gay is being who you want to be against the odds.

I found this funny...

The collective eye roll from this “article" was palatable.

This is what you get when everyone thinks they’re a writer. We’ve all met that 23 year old prose hack that knows everything… like this one… self-published on what I’m sure is a well reputed, dying for web traffic site like GayGuys.com… covering such hard-hitting topics as, “10 Reasons Gay Guys Don’t Believe In Love Anymore”, “The Reasons Gay Men Suck At Dating" and “Bitchslapped on Grindr”… poignant articles that would make a copy editor at even Cosmo balk and cringe. It’s a life changing experience as they clearly run the gamut there.

So let’s suspend the idea that this guy is actually a writer.

It's like trying to explain to my 6 year old niece that Doc McStuffins isn't a real MD with no medical training and that you can’t prescribe “hugs” for an actual illness… except she might actually understand the concept sooner.

This kid/douche is far too young to be attempting too old a voice in a world he has yet to understand. Discipline and respect is lost on him right now… let alone syntax and grammar. Texts with “ur”, “omg” and emojis instead of expressing real thoughts or feelings long past their current expiration date will get old and he won’t see it.

He will turn 30 before he knows it. 

He’ll wonder why trophies aren’t given to everyone anymore no matter the score because everyone is supposed to be a winner… It happens growing up with iPhones, instant gratification and Internet measured in Mbps. At some point we won’t have to be embarrassed for him… he will himself… and maybe he’ll come around.

If he’d actually read a book in his life he’d know that Peter Pan actually thinned out the Lost Boys by killing them… and he could possibly figure out a less lazy metaphor regarding that anyway... maybe think twice, accept the drink offered to him by an older patron at a club whose trying to have the same good time and enjoy the night out everyone else is.

Pity that dude and party on.

TLDR: This zip-loc sandwich bag of dicks has as much life experience as Doc McStuffins does on an operating floor… chuckle, pat his head and move along.

very, VERY well said!! I love it when someone can 100% vocab what Im thinking! He may not be the writer but you are. 

This x1000.

Why the idiot young whipper snapper was my first response--then I ponder the foolish peter pan syndrome fags, who just don't get how to age with grace.  I am a gay grandpa and proud of it.  Todays youth do need to learn to listen to us elders and pay attention and learn to share space-- in the meantime the silly wanna be pretty for ever fags need to figure out and learn to age gracefully.and stand back and watch the children play

i also hate when some other guys get the young guys whether for money or security when they can get someone their age to live and experience life and hardships together. but to recommended people over 30 to stay out of clubs is just stupid. It's like telling someone who is 60 to stop socializing and trap yourself in your house till you die. its just mean spirited. plus age brings wisdom not uselessness believe it or not a club with only guys 25 and down will close immediately from lack of adult thinking (sex, drugs, stealing, killing, etc.) Also i love jesus Christ so there

I just think the writer is pissed that all the old guys are getting the hot guys and he's left with nothing.... 

My age has nothing to do with staying away from clubs because I do not smoke, do drugs, or drink, not even "socially". And since I highly dislike dealing with people who are under the influence of any of these, my reasons for patronizing such businesses would be zero. If you ban me for whatever reasons from bars and clubs, I will survive. And I won't even have to change a thing. My heart will not break nor ache.

Is it supposed to be ironic that Heinrich displays the emotional maturity of a toad while hardcore age-shaming? What a twat.

Truly wonderful comments on this.  I hope  the child author reads them all and learns   from them.LBGT people are by far generally  the strongest , most resilient,  and courageous people  on the face of the earth and  the older they get   the  stronger they are.  Heinrich, your disrespect and ignorance  is abhorrent!!  The longer we  live   the  more we  prove ourselves, If your brain is   too lame and superficial to realize this I think you should  go hide yourself  because  we not only  loath people like you  we are  ashamed to call you one of us.

Dear Mr. Dalton Heinrich,

You complain that as a young gay man “do not have a single parental figure to aspire to be, I only have the wisdom of the adults around me to sway my decisions.” Then say you have no “role models” to guide you.  Well, let me help you-WE ARE HERE; YOU'RE JUST NOT LOOKINGI YOU ARE LOOKING IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES!

I am a retired member of the Los Angeles Police Department. I came out as one of the first five openly gay police officers on June 22, 1991 after the beating of Rodney King (you might have read about this in a history book).  In my time as a law enforcement officer, I was shot, stabbed, run over by cars on three separate occasions, spit on, investigate and was badly hurt resulting in a broken back and my force retirement in my mid 40’s. I rose as an openly gay man, within the department to be recognized as one of the best police officers in Los Angeles. I witnessed the first lesbian in the LAPD to be awarded the “medal of valor”- the highest award that can be given to any officer.

After my forced retirement, I moved to Texas and I became a United States Government security contractor working abroad. I worked as an openly gay man for the United States Army and did a tour of duty on the remote island of Kwajalein. This is a location, is very remote, and where The United States fires ICBM 3’s at. It is a part of the Ronald Reagan Ballistic Missile Test Range. I have a security clearance of “secret.” As I prepared to go to Afghanistan in 2012; I was called to Philadelphia by my long time heterosexual friend and (now business partner). We opened a private investigative company during the recession. Our company now THRIVES! TS Investigations, is owned by both a straight man, and openly gay man (me). We have been so successful; I have come home to Texas to open a second office-the reddest of all states in the union.

Typically, my day begins at 5 AM with me going out to feed my five horses, four goats and six rescued dogs. I then go to the gym and work out for one or two hours before coming home to telecommute to the east coast. Between phone calls and work; I try to get ranch chores done or may jump on my Harley Davidson and head out for a ride before the Texas heat kicks in. To be honest, where you are; we are not. I seldom go to bars and I’m usually in bed by 9:30 PM. I did, when I was in Philadelphia, go to the bars, but that was out of boredom. You are dead on the bars are loaded with losers; guys of all ages who are drunks, drug users and have no life. Gay bar owners love this crowd because they spend money on watered down drinks, substandard food and meals, and sit for hours spinning lies about their “fabulous lives”. Yes, I saw gay men in their late forties and going clubbing and bar hopping. I saw grown men actually never grew up. I like you, shook my head and avoided them like an STD.

Yet, I met a number of TRUE ROLE LGBT MODELS; DAMN FIND MEN AND WOMEN, who have grown up. I met them overseas in some horrible place. I met them at shootings, stabbings, working under cover, and responding to violent encounters. They are social workers protecting kids from abusive parents. They are out on that fire truck racing down the street to save your burning home. They are standing watch in some guard tower at a prison, or a fixed post in a combat zone watching over their buddies as they sleep- so YOU AND THE “BAR FLYS” can sleep free and in peace. We are in a “battle group” at an undisclosed location in a faraway place. We run companies, and leave peaceful lives in rural America as farmers and ranchers. We drive trucks that bring food to your local stores. We are a doctor in surgery or a lawyer making a case before judge and jury.

I will admit, you are dead right when you say, “We all need to realize how to act our age and how to play our part in our community. It is time to be a role model for the next group of young men. It is time to tell Peter Pan that you want to go home and as much as it may not be the funniest thing to do, it is time to grow up.” This is why am “in your face” about PnP, the whole ParTy scene, and what you describe as “wild nights and serial dating”. Yet, I have seen more than one man in his 50’s with a “Hollister” shirt on, Speedos at the pool, or chronically out every night of the week in the “gayborhood” boozing it up. The only thing I can say is “there is only one thing worse than a young fool, and that’s an old fool.” Show up at any gay establishment and they stand out like a sore thumb.

Next month, I celebrate by 53rd birthday. I am proud of my age! Sure I fudge a bit on that number. However, if you’re looking for “role model” you won’t find us in your bar. That’s kind of like looking for love in a bath house; It just aint gonna happen. You have to go where the role models are and look for us in our elements. You have to go where we work and this could not only be dangerous but downright scary! The gay media ignores us simply because we go about our lives humbly; I call us “everyday angels.” Many of us are not experts at fashion, we are not brilliant at design, we are recluse, we wear Wal-mart not Armani, we are shy, we are professionals with REAL LIVES, important jobs, and we have no time to party, parTy, or hang out nightly in some gayborhood bar.  The whole gay media is intent on showing people the “wild” party life of the young modern gay community---when you get beyond that bull dung, then you can start to see your community role models- you won’t find us where your currently going.

Obviously, Heinrich has not grown up.  He cannot write using good English.  His writing demonstrates confusion and self-loathing.  He makes unwarranted assumptions about ALL gay men based on those whom he observes in the bars, the seriously BEST place to observe authenticity in anyone!  I am 66 years old, the father of 2 sons PLUS the parent of my husband's son - I pushed them ALL to succeed.  I have lost my husband of 12 years - he died following surgery 6 years ago; I have battled hatred from his family, being shunned, pressing forward with my life and supporting the growth of of sons (in their 20s and 30s now), finished my doctorate, teach in a graduate school of social and behavioral sciences - WHAT in the fuck would I or anyone like me find rewarding about Heinrich?  VERY LITTLE!  Peter Pan?  Yep: conditioning.  Heinrich needs to learn three things: NO ONE wants to be alone, EVERYone wants to love and be loved in return, AND EVERYone needs to know his or her life has meaning!  So what if someone shows up in a bar pretending to be a child, huh, Heinrich? What about that REALLY fucking scares YOU? Make your own choices, and live YOUR happiness passionately!

Always felt that gay folk won the golden ticket by being born gay. Not having to conform e.g. marry, have children,join the military in order to fight in the inane unending wars..but no, How sad to know there are those injured souls out there who are hellbent on turning this wonderful notion into something in which we find out has been based on some fuckedup false Disney illusion ...way to go asshole. This twit is a twit. He'll figure it out one day..hopefully.

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