#Dating

Andy Cohen Opens Up About Dating And Using Gay Apps

Andy Cohen seems to be getting more personal than ever and we don't mind!

In his talk with Attitude Magazine for their October issue, Cohen was asked about his attitudes towards sex. In his response, he shared that he doesn't hide anything when it comes to talking about sex.

“I talk about poppers and about bottoms on my show,” he said during the interview. “That’s the thing, I’m really open about who I am and am unapologetic, so I think there’s something freeing in that.”

Andy Cohen has been out since the 1980s and says he’s gotten used to talking about his sexuality. But according to him, and shared in Queerty, that wasn’t always the case.

“I came out in 1988, at the height of the [AIDS] epidemic,” he says. “I was so scared to have sex. And it’s why I’m alive today, because I was really scared.”

“It was a scary time to be gay, it was a scary time to be sexual… It’s always kind of there in one way or another. It’s not something you can erase from your experience.” 

 

 

Now, he says what really scares him is getting out there to date.

“I think it’s harder for other people to sit down with me and have a date because they have preconceived notions,” Andy says.

“If I had never dated myself or I didn’t know me and it was just based on TV, I don’t know what I would think. I have no idea.”

But what about dating apps like Grindr and it’s new Kindr campaign? Well, Cohen says he still uses them… on occasion.

“I have been, kind of on-and-off because it’s challenging,” he explains. “It’s weird. It was probably more uncomplicated hooking up before I became famous.”

“I still hook up,” he adds. “I mean, a guy’s gotta eat!”

Thanks Andy for being open and honest about being just like us when it comes to trying to find fun as well as "the one."

h/t: Attitude Magazine, Queerty

Here's Tons of Photographic Evidence that Brad Pitt Always Morphs Into His Girlfriends

Start off your day with some bizarre fun. Specifically, embrace the pure ridiculous pleasure of this photographic evidence suggesting Brad Pitt always needs to dress like whomever he is dating.

OMG Blog via Bored Panda shared this hilarious photo gallery after someone on Twitter unsurfaced an old Daily Express article about the star’s apparent copycat behavior of his girlfriends’ respective wardrobes.

Some of our favorites include:

Gwyneth Paltrow

Thandie Newton

And of course, Angelina Jolie.

Check out the whole gallery at Bored Panda.

Jolie filed for divorce from Pitt in 2016; it’s still pending. Pitt remains one of the most powerful and influential people in the entertainment industry, with a net worth of $240 million. He’s been nominated for four acting Academy Awards, and he won two Oscar for producing 12 Years A Slave and The Departed.

ALSO— he frequently looks hella like the women he dates.

h/t: OMG Blog

Are Gay Apps Good or Bad When it Comes to Long Term Dating?

Seeing as I fit into the mold of what a millennial is, I’m fully aware of the gay app culture that has risen over the years. With the age that I am, I didn't live through a world where the norm was meeting a guy at a bar, cruising at a gay hotspot and relying on a rotary phone in order to connect with a potential dating prospect or hook up with one per se. 

With the internet generation in full swing, we were introduced to gay chat rooms back in the day with AOL among others that slowly shifted into gay men's chat sites such as Gay.com, Manhunt, Adam4Adam and of course the original one for bears like me... Bear411.

When the app culture became apparent, a lot of those websites sort of became antiquated and made room for prevalent gay apps such as Grindr, Scruff, Growlr and Daddyhunt. There has also been the epic debate on dating gay world and seeing if its extinct or evolving, where most people I have asked had strong opinions on one or the other. Question is when it comes to extinct or evolving, do gay apps help or hurt that cause and are they the reason for the downfall of long term dating?

As a preface, the question asked above does not mean that I am judging how each individual man wants to find a significant other or others.  The "New Normal" has come in, and when it comes to bear apps, you can find whatever new normal works for you and go for it.  There are incredibly positive points when it comes to using those apps.  It doesn't always have to be for dating or f***ing, you really can find someone of similar interests and develop a great friendship out of it.  Heck, it happened for me multiple times.  When it comes to sex, you can find out ahead of time if what you are into mutually works with the other person (or persons) so when it comes time to get naked there isn't any awkwardness and its pretty much straight forward.

Dating however on these apps seem to come with a ton of blurred lines.  The common complaint that I hear from a ton of my single friends is that it is hard to navigate a dating site when a good 50 percent (or more) of the men on there are in an open relationship or partnered.  They don't understand their usage for the site if they already found someone and think that they are really on there to find a 3rd for them or just a hookup which negates the purpose of a dating app in their eyes. 

You also have the "keyboard warriors" who hide behind these apps and can be whomever the hell they want to be including catfishing multiple men into thinking they are the guy you are talking to but really aren't.  Take it from me as someone who has had imposters in Raleigh, New Orleans, San Francisco and even NYC- you really wonder who the f**k you are talking to on here and if they aren't who they say they are then why are they doing this?

After polling my friends about this, the responses were chock full with how they view each side of the spectrum.  A lot of them pretty much said "It is how you use the apps".  One person who was pro apps said "I met my ex of three years on there.  What's killing long term dating are people who are in love with falling in love".

Take a look at the colorful responses from other like-minded individuals on how they viewed gay apps in the modern world-

"I think it kills the expectations of something long-term. This includes friendships. Not that it isn't possible, but it just seems like a majority of people would rather hide behind keys or just move on to the newest thing. It's frustrating at times because guys at times are so stuck in their criteria of who is "allowed" to talk to them, that it just kills the vibe. Granted I cannot speak for everyone, just my own small experiences."

"I think it depends on the individual. It is what you make it..."

"I have had a love/hate thing with those apps. I don't see the them as "dating" apps to be honest. To me it's just a social thing. Window shopping. Digital voyeurism. If I meet someone for conversation, maybe some fun then it's all good. Should I get luck and manage a date? Then it was a pleasant surprise. Oddly enough I've made many new friends off of them both in the ether and in the real world. So that's something."

"I'd say NO. People use apps differently.  Some use them for hookups.  Some use them as a way to interact with other men when they are not part of or venture into the "scene".  Some use them because they fear rejection and it's faster to find someone into them and there is less anxiety than an in person rejection. Some use them to seek a specific type who are into the same things they are or are compatible with (ex: fetishes, builds, sexual preference, endowment, gym, hair color, eye color, sports, hobbies, age, health status, etc...)."

Flashback:1970s- "are sexy clubs and bath houses killing long term dating?"

Flashback:1980s- "is cocaine and dance clubs killing long term dating"

Flashback: 1990s-"is ecstasy and circuit parties killing long term dating"

Flashback: 2000s- "are Internet chat rooms killing long term dating?"

Flash forward 2020s- "are virtual reality sex bots and the fact that no one leaves the house anymore killing long term dating?"

"It's all a crapshoot but when 2 people click and have a healthy sense of their individual selves want to make it work, they do."

"Why blame the apps...blame the dick heads on them".

Clearly this is something that every person isn't going to agree on.  Question for you though, with the digital world in full swing and here to stay (for as long as I can see it), what will it do to modern dating in the next 10 years?

This was created by one of our Contributing Writers and does not reflect the opinion of Instinct Magazine or the other Contributing Writers when it comes to this subject.

Blake Mitchell Laments The Pressures A Porn Career Has On Dating

Helix Studios porn star Blake Mitchell wants you to know that, yes, it is possible to be lonely with over 200K followers on social media.

In a new video posted to his YouTube channel, Mitchell laments the pressures his career has on his personal life.

First of all, the handsome adult performer finds there are a lot of folks who may appear to have dating potential, but then it turns out his celebrity is what they’re after.

“I have had situations where I have been interested in someone, and we have been hanging out for a while, when they suddenly start asking me for a shout-out, or for me to promote this or that,” he shares.

And even if he finds someone genuine, his porn celebrity comes into play again when out and about on a date.

“I’ve been out to the bars before and people will say things to me that, because I am a sex worker, they think it is acceptable to say to a total stranger: complimenting my… size, or my body, making sexual remarks to me,” says Mitchell. “Besides making me uncomfortable, if I am with someone who I am interested in, this can be a little embarrassing.”

And then there's the fact a busy porn career involves lots of travel which can have an impact on relationships.

“My significant other has to sit at home while I make frequent trips across the country,” says the 20-year-old. “While they are left home alone, I am having sex with other people, sometimes several other people. 

“And on top of all that, it is all being filmed and uploaded to the internet, where they are very likely to see it. This has made it very hard to find someone who will put up with me filming porn, let alone be happy and supportive about it.”

All that said, Mitchell makes it clear he has no intention of giving up a career he’s passionate about and enjoys. He sums up his thoughts by thanking his fans for their support and positivity.

“I appreciate and am deeply grateful to be in the position that I am, to have so many of you want to follow along and engage in my personal journey. But that doesn’t change the fact that all of that support and positivity, it’s all confined to my cell phone, to a 3x6” piece of plastic, metal, and glass. When I’m laying in bed at night, and I turn my phone off to get ready for bed, I’m alone. At that point, it doesn’t matter if I have 1 million or 100 subscribes, when I turn my phone off for the night, I have none.”

Watch the handsome Mr. Mitchell explain below.

 

 

What do you think, readers? Would you find dating a handsome porn star challenging? Or would you enjoy the fact that they're hot, fun and know what they're doing?

New Poll Shows 14% Of Americans Having Sex At Work

With somewhere between 5-10% of the population reported to be LGBTQ, its easy to see why gay folks might have a more difficult time finding a potential romance in the workplace.

For those reasons, many have found dating apps to be useful in connecting with like-minded folks outside of work.

HoweverThe New York Post recently reported on a new study shows that for those who do make a ‘love connection’ at work, a substantial number say they’ve done the deed at the office.

Sex store EdenFantasys commissioned a survey of 2,000 Americans to find out more about romance in the workplace.

The data shows 14% of Americans admit to having sex at their place of employment.

Of those who engaged in office playtime, one in five revealed they were caught in the act.

More from the poll:

• 92% of those who engaged in an office romance said it made going to work more exciting

• Over half of the respondents said an office romance made them more ‘productive’ 

• One in ten admitted to having sex with their boss

• 34% of those folks say they did so to advance their career at work

• 17% of workplace romances cost someone their job

• 1 in 4 co-worker relationships end and result in awkward situations at work

• 60% of all workplace relationships end within 12 months

• However, there’s good news - 1 in 4 workplace romances end in marriage

• But 34% of workplace romances involve someone who’s already married or engaged

So, have you found a 'love connection' at work? Let us know in the comments below.

Dine And Dash Dater Strikes Again!

#LOL! Let’s play a hypothetical game real quick: You’re lonely, single – obviously, and have nothing to do besides swipe right on everyone on your dating apps while you caress your cat. You continue swiping your thumb hoping to meet Prince Charming, when to your surprise…the latest attractive man matched with you?! What are the odds? You proceed to chat with him and he swoons you. Without question, you’re obviously going to go out on a date with this guy. So, you get all fancy, you probably tell your favorite coworker - who you shouldn’t be sharing that much with, and shave beforehand: Who knows, right?! On your date you find out your match made in internet heaven has quite a heavy appetite, but he’s going to pay, so who cares? As ideal as this sounds…the date is going to cost you a lot more than just your confidence.


Last night, I came across a video because a ton of my heterosexual friends were leaving obscene comments. The video showcases a news segment from CBS where a California man is setting up single women from the internet to meet him at expensive restaurants. He proceeds to order a hammock’s worth of food – then slickly leaves his date with the bill! This wasn’t just a one time deal, it’s the fourth person who has come forward to state they’ve been duped by 44-year-old, Paul Gonzalez, who has an online identity as “Mike” or as the media prefers, “The Dine and Dash Dater”.  


One of the women, who obviously refused to be identified, tells:

“Of course, I’m not happy that this happened to me. I was like, ‘Wow, this is crazy’. He’s a very, very handsome man. His eyes are absolutely gorgeous. He order shrimp tacos before I arrived. Now, it makes me angry. Because, you know, there are so many men who prey on innocent women like me who are looking for love. I’m definitely deleting my [dating] profile.”


The fourth woman who spoke to CBS may have gotten off lucky. Gonzalez was recognized by restaurant patrons as the Dine and Dash Dater and reported him to management. The restaurant manager asked Gonzalez to leave before informing the lonely dater her date wasn’t going to end as she wanted.


CBS reports Gonzalez has been arrested several times for misdemeanor charges and has been reported to have gotten a cut and color at a hair salon in Burbank, California and ditched without paying.


The comment section of the video is worthy of a gander. Plenty of men are complaining that women “do this all the time”, while most are in agreement that separate checks should be split for any first date. West Coast singles beware … cupid is not looking out for you with this dashing dater.


Check out the video below to hear more of the Dasher:

 

Dating is hard enough out there it seems.  Then, if you finally find someone, and they do this? Is this what we have to look forward to once we get that 'swipe right' match?

Should there be a let us put our credit cards on the table before we order policy?

Intincters, have you ever been the victim of a Dine and Dasher? Tell us about it in the comments on here or on Facebook.

Better yet, have you been a Dine and Dasher on someone?  Why?

And if it is a first date and he doesn't Dine and Dash, do you split the bill?

Would You Change Your Hobbies For A Man?


One Of The 13 Reasons Why Actors Believes You Should!

#WishyWashy! Okay, let’s be honest. At some point in your life, you likely changed something about you in order to get the attention – and affection – of someone you’re interested in. Nothing and no one is stronger than those butterflies you get in your stomach when we think that 'love is in the air.' Chances are you changed something about you, but would you switch all of your hobbies only because the guy you’re interested in lives a completely different lifestyle? One hottie from the Netflix series 13 Reasons Why  seems to think so!


 

 


According to Cosmopolitan, Ross Butler, who returns as a regular cast member in Netflix’s most controversial series, believes one should become invested in the hobbies of the person they want to date. Butler elaborates:

“The way to a guy’s heart is through his hobbies. Find out what he’s passionate about, and if you really love him, get into it too. If I meet a girl who can talk video games, guitar, cooking, or good books, it’s a huge turn-on. And lots of guys like to teach, so if you can get hands-on with learning it, I’m telling you, you’ll get there.”


Learning about someone else’s interests is completely healthy. I may admit to visiting a gun range and I may have begrudgingly watched an 'Action Film' I didn’t care for, but I wouldn’t be able to mesh well with anyone who lived a completely opposite lifestyle than mine.  For instance, as I approach my late 20s, I’ve met countless bachelors who have vowed to sobriety, but as a mid-20s Millennial who still likes to kick a few back on the weekend; I find it difficult to try and date someone who wouldn’t participate in wine tastings and the like. There are some thing I will try and some things I cannot live without.


The idea that anyone should have to change their hobbies to appear more appetizing is downright a difficult pill to swallow. You’d technically be claiming to be someone you aren’t. Hypothetically, what if you decided to alter yourself to become something you aren’t to impress another person and you completely fail at it? I’m all for playing Clueless like Cher Horowitz and try to cook a meal before a guy comes over, but let’s get real, you won’t be with someone for too long if all you can do is try to fake it to impress him when it's not really you.


Although Ross Butler’s opinion may be - uhh, immature - for the lack of a better word, you can still catch his cuteness on the second season of 13 Reasons Why when it premieres May 18th on Netflix.

While you wait for the anticipated new season, I beg the question: Would you change your hobbies for a love interest?

 

h/t: Cosmopolitan


This was created by one of our Contributing Writers and does not reflect the opinion of Instinct Magazine or the other Contributing Writers when it comes to this subject. 

Troye Sivan Opens Up About The Time He Realized He Was Gay

Gay Pop singer Troye Sivan is opening up about the time when he came to realize his sexuality.

In an interview with Attitude Magazine, Sivan shared that his sexual awakening was thanks to Zac Efron.

“I remember I cried when I realized that I thought Zac Efron was really hot, [when I was] aged 13 or something like that,” Sivan says. “I cried. And felt really sick… It wasn’t just: ‘This is a little crush on a boy or something like that: I’m not just interested in this boy–I think that’s he hot.’ And that was weird for me.”

The singer also talked about dating as a gay teenager.

"All my friends were hooking-up with random people at parties, and I just felt so left behind because I didn’t know gay people, I didn’t know where to meet gay people," Sivan says. "I didn’t really want to venture out by myself and so I just did stuff that a 17-year-old boy shouldn’t really have to do.”

 

 

 

A post shared by Jacob Bixenman (@jacobbix) on

 

Sivan went further to explain that he eventually figured out that he could fake his age on Grindr and meet guys through there.

“I managed to get a fake ID and then I got Grindr on my phone and started to try to meet people who were like me, but you sort of are forced a little bit into these hyper-sexualised environments, and even though that’s awesome when you’re 17… I didn’t know what else to do."

Perhaps, that’s around the time that he met the worst Grindr date of his life. Sivan shared in an earlier interview with PopCrush that he was hanging out with a guy he’d met on Gridnr when the guy suddenly pulled out his phone to look for someone else.

“It was a while ago, back in a time when it was a little bit less accepted and a little bit more scary,” Sivan told PopCrush. “I was like, ‘Okay. I think I'm just gonna go home.’”

Thankfully, all that’s behind him as Sivan’s found a wonderful boyfriend in model Jacob Bixenman.

“He’s got like a kind of energy about him, a magnetic sort of energy. I think people can’t help but love him. He’s just got one of those personalities that draws people in… It’s kind of like having your best friend around all the time, which is really nice.”

Congrats to the happy couple.

Years And Years' Frontman Explains His Perfect Dating Situation

British band Years and Years had an exciting debut two years ago with their first album, titled Communion, that sold over a million copies worldwide.

Now, frontman Olly Alexander and his band are gearing up for the release of their new album, Palo Santo, in July. To prepare for that, Alexander has been doing some interviews.

One recent interview he did was with BBC and during it the singer-songwriter opened up about his dream relationship and his thoughts on the gay community.

“What I think would suit me was if I was in a thruple and the other two guys lived in a house nearby.”

“I could visit them every now and then and they’d cook me dinner, and then I could just go home and watch TV by myself.”

Of course, the singer knows that this kind of relationship setup, while possible, is mostly just a pipe dream. That said, he’s still hoping for something better than the relationship he had with a straight man that inspired his song, “Sanctify.”

Also, the singer opened up about his thoughts on the gay community and the club scene.

“I think a lot about how clubs are almost like queer churches. You go and congregate and you dance. That’s always been a sacred experience for me, although it’s been both positive and negative.”

If you’re excited to hear the new album by Years and Years, you don’t have to wait too long. Palo Santo will be coming out on July 6.

h/t: GayStarNews

Are Dating Preferences Discriminatory?


Does Society Affect Our Attractions?

In February 2018, Vice released an article specifically addressing the subject of a Transgender dating demographic. One quote from the transgender woman and writer, Abigail Curlew, is:

“[she isn’t suggesting it’s] imperative to be attracted to trans women…[but] your attraction is shaped by preconceived notions and stereotypes.”

Curlew begs us, although seemingly only cisgendered heterosexual men, to “critically reflect on the factors that might shape your attractions.”


In the conclusion, Curlew understands that dating preferences are simply, well, preferences, and discourages people to view videos such as Riley J. Denniscontroversial vlog which stating everyone should essentially be…bisexual(?)…are harmful to the transgender community- which is true. Curlew’s article has been circulating across my social media for the last two months and continues to get a variety of comments, especially from the heterosexual community. Some of the heinous comments make me wonder if people are actually buying the Straight Pride pin off Amazon…but I digress.


I’ve definitely questioned myself after reading Curlew’s article. Is society truly affecting our attraction to other people? Within the media, I see countless interracial couples, various age gaps, and even dating within the transgender community, as seen recently with Laverne Cox showcasing her new boyfriend. Society has been progressing over the last decade and it still continues to move forward today. Just look at current commercials: What once was fully of busty blondes – essentially becoming the term All American – we now see more ethnically ambiguous persons advertising love and a happy home. We’re moving ahead as a society, and while we aren’t where we all want to be yet. Progression doesn’t happen overnight. With more positive influences in the media and society, I fully expect to witness an abundance of complete opposites dating. However, to say society is the reason we have dating preferences is a bit fickle.  


Personally speaking, I find myself arguably attracted to a wide variety of personalities and bodies. Typically, I have a type, and that is Older, but I’m known to be a little flexible. In the same breath, I know there is a huge dating scene – although much more closeted – for heterosexual men and the transgender women community. Everyone has a niche and will seek out what turns them on the most. There’s nothing wrong with that, but rejection takes the most control over an ego, which leads to ridiculous vlogs and blogs of people whining they are being discriminated against for dating preferences. Some people truly are cruel and rude, yes, but I’m failing to see the big issue with dating preferences.


I frequently joke through various articles about my desperation while being single, but I act almost as if I can’t get a man to turn his neck as I walk pass. That’s not true. I get hit on, plenty, yet I remain single by choice – as I want to genuinely be attracted to someone and not force feed myself some bogus relationship for the sake of comfort, loneliness, or sharing memories together on social media. I’ve been attracted to an endless amount of men who aren’t attracted to me. People merely have a type and don’t tend to sway far from it.


We could sit here all day and argue the hypocrisy in the dating game. I’ve encountered plenty of jocks­ – for the lack of a better term – who have turned me away for being too feminine. Yet, I see them in a crop top and booty shorts in the club while they’re on GHB with their arms around a local Drag Queen screaming “YAS!” I’ve ghosted on an older man once (or twice) and gave him a cold shoulder when he requested a reason. I never gave one, which he without reason alleged it was age difference– only to spot me on a date with a man his age a few weeks later.


I would also absolutely laugh in your face if you told me I had to be attracted to an 18-year-old College Student who had a crush on me. That’s never going to happen. Why is age the only justified reason for not being attracted to someone? I wouldn’t have anything in common with a teenager – especially be attracted to one – but if he is attracted to me, does that mean I must automatically give him a chance? NO!


In my opinion, we’ve got to stop putting pressure on someone for having a preference in dating and stop labeling it transphobic, femmephobic, racist, or the like. Are we all so narcissistic and vein that we must blame others for not finding us attractive? What ever happened to “there’s plenty of other fish in the sea?" Is that phrase long dead since we live in too politically correct society? It’s time to stop with the excuses. Wherever your from, whomever did you wrong, didn’t be who you wanted them to be- anything. It cannot be about other people anymore and how they’ve affected our mentality. It’s up to us to find love and consensual relationships. It’s time to stop trying to force them.


This post is the opinion of this contributing writer to Instinct Magazine. Opinion pieces do not always reflect the stance of the magazine or the other contributing writers.  

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