Justin Bieber, who? George Clooney is the man with all the swag, it seems.

After forcing women and gay men to swoon over him for years, George's sex appeal has finally seeped over into the hyper-masculine hetero dude world and taken hold of Channing Tatum.

Judging from our headache and vertigo, it must be the morning after Hollywood's biggest night. Like any morning that has us reaching for the bedside bottle of Advil, memories of last night's Oscars are double-edged: some we'll treasure forever in a Pinterest page or something; others make us shudder with regret and want to schedule an extra session with therapist this week. 

So, which stars of the 85th Academy Awards did we treasure and who made us shudder? 

Updated Wednesday, November 14, 11:30 a.m. EST

People Magazine tried to throw us off the musky, Acqua di Gio (we imagine) scent of Channing Tatum all month. But lo and behold, we know a sexiest man alive when we see one.

The votes in the hottest, most important race in 2012 are in and it's now official, folks: Channing Tatum has been named People Magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive."

Check out Channing's understated cover and a blurb from the piece after the jump!

While we're on the phone with our airline so that we can cash in our frequent flyer miles for a last minute trip to New Orleans, we thought we'd be really nice and let you know that Channing Tatum, Joe Manganiello and Matt Bomer (otherwise known as the Holy Trinity) are en route to the Southern city for the grand opening of Saints and Sinners, a Magic Mike themed bar. 

Are we getting a sequel (or a prequel?) to the cinematic triumph of our time with Channing Tatum at the helm? 

Tatum's made no secret about his desire to give the world another chapter of the Magic Mike saga, and it sounds like things are taking shape!

As long as that shape includes Joe Manganiello and Matt Bomer we're good.

More after the jump!

In case you're keeping score, you win Jenna. You win.

Jenna Dewan, wife of Channing friggin' Tatum, has just nabbed the other role of a lifetime as Adam Levine's sexy-times partner in the upcoming season of American Horror Story.

There is no justice.

Details after the jump.

If you didn't get enough man meat during this summer's hottest flick, Channing Tatum promises you there will be a "bigger" serving coming soon. (*His choice of appropriate adjective, not ours!). Details follow.

Channing Tatum could dress up as Maggie Gallagher for Halloween and we'd still somehow find him sexy. (Probably).

The things one must do to promote their summer blockbuster... Channing Tatum joined Jimmy Fallon this week for a sidesplitting sketch about Nickelodeon's first talk show for tween girls, Ew. Watch after the jump! 

Screw the triple venti skinny soy latte with extra foam—Channing Tatum performing a slow-dance strip to "It's Raining Men" with a co-ed flash mob on NBC's Today show is our new favorite way to wake up in the morning.

Check out the eye-opener after the jump!

Not everyone is readying a limited-edition Prada pup tent, Cartier flask and four meals of Tic-Tacs (we know—binge much?!) to camp out overnight for front row seats to Magic Mike in IMAX 3-D. A few members from Channing Tatum's former stripper-gang aren't too pleased with the actor's decision to turn their careers into the greatest gift to cinema ever in the history of the world. 

Yes, it's only 30 seconds.

Yes, some of it we've already seen.

But dammit, this is "the cinematic triumph of our time" and Matt Bomer is naked (except for a G-string) and pelvic thrusting against someone on the floor!

We will watch this frame-by-frame until we lose our sight and it miraculously returns when Magic Mike hits theaters on June 29.

See what's being called Magic Mike's red-band trailer (though it's more of a teaser) after the jump!

Looks like we have our work cut out for us this weekend. Magic Mike, perhaps trying to get us to forget that very first trailer, has released roughly 20 new promotional stills for us to study.

We've cut out all the pics with chicks and whittled it down to the dozen hottest stills, so grab another cup of coffee and dive in after the jump!