1.) Get rid of the family dog for fear of his son engaging in bestiality

2.) Hire Marcus Bachmann for an intense session of "ex gay" action

or 

3.) Love him just as much as he did before his son came out

Find out the answer Santorum gave over the weekend, after the jump!

Robert Traynham should send his resume over to Cirque du Soleil because the amount of hoops he has to jump through to defend Rick Santorum's "pro-gay attitude" is worthy of its own show. Watch Santorum's openly-gay former Chief of Staff insist that Santorum supports gay couples, after the jump. 

The newly-minted international face of Australia's opposition to marriage equality, ex-tennis star Margaret Court, is "sad" that she's being portrayed as a homophobe simply because she's fighting tooth and nail fang and claw to keep "unhealthy" and "unnatural" same-sex couples from staying together. She's the real victim here, people! (Details follow.) 

Yea, and we hardly talk about Gaga, the gym and happy hour. Details follow. 

Updated 12:30 p.m. EST

With the bad news out of Iowa (Santorum's frothy and unwelcome surge) there comes some good: First Mistress of conversion therapy Michele Bachmann has dropped out of the race for the Republican presidential nomination. Details and video of Michele's press conference, after the jump.

Rumors that Clay Aiken and George Takei were cast in the upcoming season of Celebrity Apprentice were confirmed Wednesday morning. But will they use the platform and audience with Donald Trump to call out his homophobia? 

Updated 2:15 p.m.

New Orleans Saints linebacker (our straight friends had to explain that to us) Jonathan Vilma has decided, once and for all, what makes a man. (Oh, and Vilma has a special message for all you homosexual men who might be offended by his Tweet.) Details follow.

When Chicago Cardinal Francis George worried that the gay community could "morph into something like the Ku Klux Klan" last week, it seemed more plausible that Catholic hierarchy was attempting to transform the church into something resembling the KKK. Luckily, Catholic groups more in line with the tenets of the faith have come out swinging against Cardinal George to help ease those fears. Details follow. 

Updated Wednesday, 2:15 p.m. (PST)

We like a happy ending! No, not that kind. Okay, that kind, too. Our friends at GLAAD tell us the calendar is no longer available on Barnes & Noble's website, and a spokesperson for the company told GLAAD that it was never available in stores.

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In her hail, Mary! effort before next week's Iowa caucus, Michele Bachmann has wielded her "I'm more homophobic than you" campaign strategy against Ron Paul and Mitt Romney. Details follow.

The hood sheathing Mike Heath, Ron Paul's campaign director in Iowa, has been lifted to reveal his position on the board of an anti-gay hate group. Details follow. 

Updated Wednesday, 10:40 a.m. EST

The Ron Paul campaign is dismissing claims made by former aide Eric Dondero, who on Monday claimed that the GOP presidential candidate was so uncomfortable with homosexuals that he refused to share a bathroom with a gay man.