Thanks to professional lip readers, we now know what lowdown lame punchline rolled out of John Boehner's mouth that turned Michelle Obama into Liz Lemon. Meet us after the break for the big reveal.

And. We. Die.

RuPaul's Drag Race Season V doesn't even kick off for another freakin' week, but we at least have the best (sorry, Bey, Kelly and President O's historic speech) moment from the entire inauguration day to tide us over: the First Lady schooling every single hunty on the planet with a Level 10 eye roll. The target? Speaker of the House John Boehner. 

The newly-minted international face of Australia's opposition to marriage equality, ex-tennis star Margaret Court, is "sad" that she's being portrayed as a homophobe simply because she's fighting tooth and nail fang and claw to keep "unhealthy" and "unnatural" same-sex couples from staying together. She's the real victim here, people! (Details follow.) 

Need to work out those pesky, hard-to-target optical muscles? A new interview from the gold-mine of farce that is Maggie Gallagher is sure to leave your eyes rolling for days!

Says Maggie to the Australian Conservative (a publication in a country that has renewed the call for marriage equality, btw), "Equality is the state religion. If equality demands we accept that there is no difference between same-sex and opposite sex relationships, then people who cannot accept that, who do not believe it is true, will become second-class citizens – tolerated perhaps, but only in a marginalized and stigmatized way.

"We are already seeing the engine of state power being used to exclude traditional religious believers, especially from posts of...

There's nothing quite like crazy, bigoted evangelical claims to make you feel more secure in your own sanity on a fine Hump Day like today, and thankfully, Pastor Jim Garlow provides enough entertaining wingnut insanity for us to wrap up in like it's a fuchsia-colored Snuggie. Move over Prozac, all those with anxiety disorders need to do to feel better about themselves is watch this video every morning of Garlow attributing the passage of Prop 8 to Christian fasting to feel better about their own mental stability.