Right, so Mike Wood and I went to the listening session for Madge's Hard Candy at Warner Bros. offices two weeks ago, and then the whole damn album leaked the next day, so what does it matter what we have to say...you've probably already formed your opinion of the record days ago by now!

Well, here's us waxing less than poetic after hearing it:

All I'll say is that I really need to suck that gut in more. Hard Candy's out tomorrow. 

Loving a post on Outsports.com that reveals just how body-obsessed NFL scouts can be:

Take this 2007 look at Sabby Piscitelli (pictured here), a safety from Oregon State drafted by Tampa Bay:

Has a defined, angular frame with the growth potential to add more bulk without any decrease in his impressive quickness … Possesses a V-shaped torso with a well-defined upper body, good bubble, developed calves and good chest thickness.

"Good bubble"! Here is the original link to the NFL report. And here's another one of my favorites:

Jared Armstrong, P

Has a thick frame with good upper body muscle tone, thick lower body with wide thighs and solidly built calves and big hands.

Hottie! At least these guys sound more in shape than the pudgy-looking Tom Brady that Towleroad dug up a while back...

[The latest installment of Instinct Website Manager Alex Cho's sporadic musings on being an L.A. gay relocated to the capital of Texas]

Wherever you go, there you are—right? And wherever you are, there are a crapload of crazy bumper stickers that keep reminding you that you're there. Last time, I generally concluded that, yes, everything IS bigger in Texas. This time: People here care about a lot of things, so much so that their cars become driving billboards! Or, perhaps, their trucks, in most cases. Cuz Texas is a truck kinda place.

So I have this game where I use my cell-phone camera to take pictures of crazy bumper stickers that I see when I'm walking around. I thought it would be fun to share a few! I've ranked them in order of interestingness/craziness.

4. Keepin' It Real

If, by "weird," we mean all those tall, hot, scruffy tattooed indie boys with fedoras and carabiner keychains who play both sides of the fence, I'm all about keeping Austin weird.

3. My God Is Better

But OUR God is the Bestest! Yay God! (OK, I know this isn't a sticker, but it's certainly not a pamphlet I'd want lying around MY car.)

2. The "Hardest" Job?

In case you can't tell, the text says, "Marine wife: Toughest job in the corps." I bet you DO have to be tough to be a Marine wife. All that pent up aggro energy to deal with! Somehow...

1. Vive L'Amerique

This one really threw me for a loop.

In case you can't tell, here's a close-up:

Wonder how many he's bagged...

Yes, May is almost upon us but I forgot to share something from my April archives. Well, the archives in my clouded, cluttered noggin that is.

Our April issue was all about “Entertaining At Home” and while our resident chef and party guru, Bob Kasunic, wrote about how to cook for and entertain those rascals you call friends, I assigned myself the noble, selfless task of playing some “party games” for research--for you--of course. No "Spin The Bottle" or fistfight-inducing round of "Truth or Dare", but rather a couple of games for--wait for it--Playstation 2.

Yes, Playstation 2. And no, I am not 12. Playstation has come to rock my world!

(On a side note: I may be one step behind the times, but Playstation 3 is light years beyond what I am capable of handling technology-wise. Give me time.)

Anyway--who knew that video games had gone to a whole new level? Well, not me. And, dare I say, they’re not just for kids anymore. It’s not all blazing guns and racing cars, peeps. I say to you now, behold the power of hours of entertainment for intelligent (well, um...yeah) adults in the form of BUZZ! HOLLYWOOD EDITION and SINGSTAR ‘90s!

Here’s the lowdown:

You can actually entertain a party of 8 with Buzz! Hollywood (you just gotta pony up the bucks to get additional controllers. We, being cheap asses, made our friend Mindy pick some controllers up at Tarjay...that’s Target, people...on the way over. The questions are easy enough for Tinsletown neophytes and actually relevant to people over the age of 15. Another important thing to note is we never had a repeat question after more than a dozen rounds of play. You know how so many of those bad DVD games repeat questions after like two gos at it? Yeah, that’s lame. Not Buzz. He rocks!

Speaking or rockin’...that’s what Singstar ‘90s is all about. Okay, maybe not rockin’ but how about bouncin’ around to “Barbie Girl”? My friend Mark and I sufficiently embarrassed ourselves for the masses by going head-to-head on Aqua’s brain-numbing, bubble gum gem. You may want to have plenty of cocktails handy (or maybe that’s just my friends...hhhmm???) so nobody plays shy about crooning some ‘90s-inspired tunes karaoke-style--epecially when you are being scored for accuracy!

If you’re looking for a fun and alternative to hitting the town with your homo brethren, think about a game night this weekend. You’ll probably spend less on the games--and the system--then you would trawling the bars for boys you won’t like tomorrow anyway.

You have to love a news story that starts like this:

KINSHASA - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

and:

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

I... well... I'm kinda speechless. This is a real news story. (Thanks to Doug in our office for the heads up.)