9 Guys Give Themselves A Hand On A New York Train

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When it comes to the NYC subway trains, you can be sure that there is never a shortage of spectacles to see along your commute. Part of its appeal is the wild cast of characters riders encounter every day. I’ve seen a lot of them, and I’ve seen a lot of things on those subways over the years — but a recent subway shocker was so out there, it had me wanting to clutch more than my pearls.

A video popped up on Twitter tonight of what appears to be a subway car full of men yanking their doodles in a mass-organized JO session.


It’s implausible that this was a spontaneous masturbation fest. It had to be planned, right? I mean, what is the likelihood that nine guys just randomly in a cluster sat on the same train car and started stroking simultaneously? Not very likely at all, in my opinion.  

Conveniently, from a legal perspective, subway mask mandates allowed the stroking straphangers to conceal their identifies. Still, it looked like a few of the guys were taking no chances of being exposed — I mean, not their faces anyway. A couple of them showed up in full ski masks as they pleasured themselves and went to town with some rather impressive equipment.

A couple of the bolder ones in the bunch went full commando and pulled their sweatpants down entirely to their ankles as they sat bare-assed on the usually-cold plastic subway seating. The seats might be heated this time of year. Still, that should give pause to most New Yorkers who already question on the daily how sanitary those seats are anyway. And though the video doesn’t show a …ahem… finale’, if there was one, who cleaned that up?

This provocative rub-a-dub-dub on the sub is just another New York minute in many ways, not even garnering a flench. Just have a look at the one guy waaaay in the distance, unbothered while a mass monkey slap is happening just a few feet away. To quote Cindy Adams, “Only in New York Kids. Only in New York”


Whoever was the brain behind this stunt is quite the skilled event organizer. Maybe it’s a group of sexual exhibitionists who collectively decided to come together for their cause. Or perhaps it’s just a close circle of 9 hung pranksters who wanted to do something to shock New Yorkers. If that’s the case, I have a better suggestion for the organizer — maybe use some of that extraordinary organizational talent and help the MTA get the damn subway trains to arrive on time. 

Now, THAT would really shock New Yorkers. 

h/t: Head on over to our friends at Cocktails and you know what, and see it for yourself


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