A poster on Reddit’s AskGayBros recently discussed a sticky situation between a gay man and his ‘straight friend-with-benefits.’
A user named wyatten wrote that he has been having sex with his workout buddy and best friend for 12 years.
His ‘married-to-a-woman’ best friend.
According to wyatten, the sex component of their relationship began when the bestie confided his wife was not very interested in sex. In fact, it seems she refused to even help out with a blow job every now and then.
The poster says he found his buddy attractive, fit, and since they’d been workout buddies for a long time, he knew what the goods were like. So, he offered to help the married man out.
For a dozen years now, they connect about 3 times a month for play time, all unbeknownst to the wife.
While the sex was “very tame” in the beginning, it’s since gone on to full-blown penetrative sex – “on both sides” writes wyatten.
Two weeks ago, the wife apparently rifled through her husband’s phone and found some text messages between the two men about a future meet-up.
In short, the wife wrote to wyatten saying she knows the two men are having sex, she doesn’t want a divorce, she doesn’t want to confront her husband – she just wants the man to stop having sex with her husband.
“So, yes, I know you are having sex with my husband. Please stop.”
The poster goes on to mention the wife has apparently badgered her husband about watching porn (straight porn) for years and goes for the guilt factor when she finds he’s masturbated although she doesn’t want to offer any sexual outlet for the hubby.
Closing the post, wyatten says while the sex was originally just a physical release for the men in the beginning, he feels it’s become ‘more’ – including sleepovers and making breakfast in the morning kind of “more.”
His question is – what should he do? He doesn’t know if he should tell his buddy the wife contacted him, and he doesn’t want the arrangement to end.
Responses on Reddit ran the gamut:
• Can’t blame her for writing. I think you should tell your friend about the letter and discuss what to do. If he wants to stay married and respects his wife, sacrifices must be made. But if not….
• You willingly engaged him, knowing he had a commitment. It’s all on you. Own what you’ve done. I’m reading a ton of excuses in your post. He’s married. Don’t be a shit. Get out or try to take him away. Understand that if you choose the latter, it’ll probably get ugly. Grow up. Take the consequences if it’s worth it, but also understand what type of man you’re dealing with. Gay/sttaight/bi whatever is irrelevant. She’s hurt, and she has no blame here.
• “‘She’s hurt, and she has no blame here.’ – I take issue with this sentence because she’s treated her husband quite badly. I’m not denying that she feels hurt and none of us know the full story but beating her husband up over his porn collection is outright abusive and totally unacceptable. Making him feel guilty for masturbating is also obviously a bad move. While OP (original posters) shouldn’t have started a sexual relationship with his friend, and his friend shouldn’t have been complicit in it, and I don’t condone that at all, the friend must have felt quite sexually repressed. There’s blame on both sides.
• He doesn’t sound like much of a prize, let her have him.
• Lying got you into this mess. Continuing to lie will not make it better. Tell your friend. He needs to talk to his wife. They’re going to have to make some hard decisions. It sounds like she’s staying in the marriage out of convenience and complacency.
• Idk why she’s contacting u. She should talk to her husband about whatever their difficulties are. It’s their marriage…Ignore her.
Now, obviously this narrative comes from just one biased perspective, but what do you think?
Should wyatten:
• Tell his friend the wife contacted him?
• Tell the wife to talk to her husband?
• Simply end the friendship?
I’ll finish by saying I’m not an idiot – I know exactly what I think of the situation described and what I’d do.
But, I’m interested in hearing from Instinct readers on your thoughts and what would you do? Share in the comments section below.
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I would tell the husband – but then again that’s just me. Seems like the poster is developing feelings for this guy. At least tell him the wife know and it’s up to the husband to figure out what he wants – stay with wife or leave and continue with the guy.
I would block her. I’ve been in a similar situation, although the circumstances were very different (the guy was a very close friend and we only had sex twice before I put distance between us because my emotions were all over the place trying to figure out how I felt about the situation). But why isn’t she talking to her husband instead of the third party? I would block her in a second and I might or might not tell her husband about it. He owes nothing to her, and she needs to talk to her husband. He’s the one she made a commitment to, and he’s the one who made a commitment to her. I’m a third party, so figure it out between yourselves.