Better To Be Single Than Dating A-Holes?

Have you given up? Are you in need of an attitude change when it comes to gay dating?  Is it so bad that you're thinking about going back to heterosexual dating?

I don't think Rico Woods is saying it's that bad out there, but we agree with many points he makes in his piece  "I'd Rather Be A Single Gay Man Than Wasting Time Dating A-Holes."

Gay dating is a game, and not nearly as fun as watching Chris Pine. It’s more like playing poker with a bunch of people who like about having a straight flush when all they really have is a pair of deuces.

Nobody really wants to play the game, but if we eventually want to find a relationship, then we have to. Like most games, it kind of helps to have a strategy.

That this is probably true for you to, it doesn’t erase the fact that most of the single gay men out there are in fact, giant assholes.

Maybe this is why on Saturday nights, you’ll find me binge watching Netflix instead of being out with some lame OKCupid date with another man who I’ll later found out still lives with his ex-boyfriend but “doesn’t sleep with anymore”.

That’s right – I’d rather spend quality time by myself and not chase after some narcissist who isn’t interested in anything beyond getting his rocks off. That sounds terrible, I know, but I like to think I’m being wise.

Oh, let me tell you – I’ve spent lots of Saturday nights running after boys who appeared REAL important at the time, who’s names I’ve long forgotten. All of them turned out to be flakes, players and on certain occasions, total d*icks. –

I'm right there with you Rico!  Living in one of the gayest places in America is not always the best thing for your dating experiences. Going from a city of 60k to a county of 1.7 million, you would think there are more options.  Yes, the number of gay men is quite substantially more, but it seems that dating isn't always easier.  Especially since this is also one of the most visited gay destination cities in the nation, the buffet of single men passing in and out every weekend can be intense.

I think what I have found is that there are too many clingy men out there.  There are the clingy men that are, like Rico pointed out, still living with the ex.  It's time to move on guys and get out there on your own.  No matter how much you think it is okay, it's most likely not okay for the next possible boyfriend. 

Ahhh, the next possible boyfriend.  That brings us to the other type of clingy man, one clinging onto a current boyfriend until the next best thing comes along.  I had been chatting with a guy for a while and for some reason, I didn't ask if he was single.  So after a week of good chats, it came up that he was in an open relationship.  I had thought I had made my point that I was looking to date.  His response was that if I was better than the guy he was currently with, then he would date me.  OMFG, FLM, SMH, %$#^!  The block feature was on.  

Then there are the other clingers that have their heart given to someone else in their open relationship and are just looking for sex. I was house sitting for a friend while he had a plumber over for 4 hours.  In a different part of town, I jumped on the grid to see if there were any interesting guys.  I was hit up by a guy, of course looking for sex, and in an open relationship.  I wasn't interested, but was going to be polite about it.  He complimented me on my pic and profile (yes, I'm one of those unicorns that actually fills out the app profile).  I said thanks.  He immediately said he was horny and to that I responded, sorry, I cannot help you this morning since I am house sitting for a friend while work was getting done.  And WHAM! I was blocked.  Apparently, since I was not physically available at that time, I was to be blocked forever.  I was taken aback and insulted.  It bothered me that this emotionally unavailable man blocked me.  What was I to do?  I jumped on over to another app (Scruff), saw his face and sent him this:

Wow. So funny that you would hit me up on Grindr, but since I cannot meet your immediate needs, you block me.  Shame on me for offering to house sit for a friend and not meet your right now demand to have sex.  Says a lot about your character.  Thank god I wasn't free.

I'm sure I won't run into him ever again since he lives 0.99 miles away. And it shouldn't upset me that he blocked me, but I guess it's just interactions like this just lessen the willingness to attempt to look for someone.

But on the flip side, there’s also nothing wrong with taking time off from “the game”. We all know it – gay dating can be exhausting and filled with rejections one right after the other. To keep it real, sometimes it’s easier (and more fun) just to be with yourself and enjoy your freedom.

I’m not saying you have to wall yourself off completely to the possibility of meeting someone new. But you don’t have to make it the central focus of your day either.

Live as you normally would and be open to guys, but keep in the back of your mind that your time IS valuable and not to be wasted. Any man who’s not in it for the right reasons will quickly move to the side, leaving you with only real, genuine romantic options. –

For more of what Rico has to say, head over to to see what he has to say about the 10-day text back, casual dating, and how his views were different when he was younger.

Do you agree with Rico? 

Is it better to be single than to be dating dead ends?

Should you give up on the dating game when it seems that you're the only one not playing a game?


2 thoughts on “Better To Be Single Than Dating A-Holes?”

  1. I can relate but I definitely

    I can relate but I definitely do not agree. Reading this and all I can think is that the ones complaining the most about this probably would overlook me on Grindr, Scruff, OKCupid, Tinder, and all the others. They want to complain about the dating pool but look at the quality of man you are going for. Yes, you should learn how to enjoy time by yourself and not remove yourself entirely. I too fill out the profile in it's entirety, I send messages to establish communication. If I don't get out right blocked I am ignored into oblivion. I have gone years being treated like I'm unworthy of anyone's love because I don't have an amazing tan, a 12 pack, sickeningly thin, great hair, big smile, or what have you. Years of believing that I would never find a man because no one wants me now. All because of folks like this that complain about their dating lives but don't give us normal Joe's the chance. The last straw for me was when i received a message on Grindr from a guy i hadn't even messaged and it read "You would have a boyfriend if you worked out more, dress better, and got better looking glasses." I know I'll probably get flamed and someone will start talking about how ugly I probably am but all that's going to do is further prove my point but if you must have the balls to do it to my face. My instagram is southern_rodey see ya there.

  2. I can totally relate to what

    I can totally relate to what Rico is saying. I have been dating this guy for almost ten months now and today, literally today, tells me that he is married and can't manage two relationships. And what I was feeling, "love, happiness, bliss" was only one sided. When I started to demand, "more like look for" emails or calls from him, he decided I was being to demanding and he could no longer handle my needs… WTF!!!! What is wrong with people? Is it wrong that I still believe in love and finding someone to grow old with? Or, am I just being too picky.. I don't just want sex, I want to wake up with someone next to me and occasionally live life..  What ever happened to Sunday breakfasts in bed?? I guess I am just getting to old.. Wait, I am only 35! Sh$%.. I am doomed!!



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