I'm the kind of phone purist that needs all my 228 currently used apps on one page with no unread messages, push notifications, updates, you know, that annoying white number in that little red circle in the upper right-hand corner. And when a text has run its course, it is deleted. A little OCD, ADHD and some other alphabet soup pairings here, but I'm okay with it.
So when I get that mutual like on Tinder / Surge or the message on Growl, even those annoying shout outs, it has to be read and dealt with. Okay, it may be because I am hopelessly single and looking for companionship, but messages need to be dealt with. Unfortunately, Nautil.us is telling us too quick to respond to someone who swiped the correct way may be hurting our chances for a follow up response.
Say you’ve matched with someone on Tinder. You both had to swipe right, so it's safe to say you find each other attractive or intriguing—or maybe one person’s hand slipped. Regardless, it gives you a boost of confidence when chatting with them. So when they send you a text, you reply almost immediately. (We all know how attached we are to our smartphones, so it’s silly to pretend you didn’t see their message.) Plus, we’re all big boys and girls here: No need for those petty, childish games where you wait 10 minutes or maybe an hour to text them back, right?
Actually, science would say you should wait, at least a little. Here's the basic explanation, care of a quick excerpt from Aziz Ansari’s book Modern Romance:
In recent years behavioral scientists have shed some light on why waiting techniques can be powerful. Let’s first look at the notion that texting back right away makes you less appealing. Psychologists have conducted hundreds of studies in which they reward lab animals in different ways under different conditions. One of the most intriguing findings is that “reward uncertainty”—in which, for instance, animals cannot predict whether pushing a lever will get them food—can dramatically increase their interest in getting a reward, while also enhancing their dopamine levels so that they basically feel coked up.
If a text back from someone is considered a “reward,” consider the fact that lab animals who get rewarded for pushing a lever every time will eventually slow down because they know that the next time they want a reward, it will be waiting for them. So basically, if you are the guy or girl who texts back immediately, you are taken for granted and ultimately lower your value as a reward. As a result, the person doesn’t feel as much of an urge to text you or, in the case of the lab animal, push the lever.
Texting is a medium that conditions our minds in a distinctive way, and we expect our exchanges to work differently with messages than they did with phone calls. Before everyone had a cell phone, people could usually wait a while—up to a few days, even—to call back before reaching the point where the other person would get concerned. Texting has habituated us to receiving a much quicker response… When we don’t get the quick response, our mind freaks out.
To learn why our brains are primed to fill the gaps between texts with the worst case scenario and how all of that pinging back and forth is like a gambling addiction, check out the full excerpt over on Nautilus. – greatist.com
I thought meeting online was supposed to be easier. Now there are more things we have to learn? Thanks Tinder for making things easier yet more complicated. It seems that social cues still can be found on social media.
What do you think? Is there an appropriate time frame to wait to respond to a social media hello?
Of course Tinder is a different beast than Grindr / Scruff / Growlr. If you don't respond immediately on Grindr, someone will think you are a complete waste of time, block you and even snub you in public. Even if they are masc4masc, they're all drama queens. Scruff seems to be a little more relaxed and time tables and chat windows can extend for months on there, if the respond in the first place. Meanwhile on Growlr, you are most likely going to receive a message from the perfect man 5,942 miles away or you'll have someone sending a shout out to everyone in a 13 mile radius. He'll open all of his locked "hole and pole" pics and video to everyone in the tri-county area looking for some kind of train to take place at his hotel room. You have to look at those, especially the video, as you silently pass judgment and comment on his camera angle and how he trimmed his pubic region.
But seriously. Is there a correct time frame to wait or do you just go with it and hope for success?
h/t : Nautil.us and greatist.com
AVIOD texting period. In fact
AVIOD texting period. In fact, its best to avoid apps of any kind. See lots of guys hide behind technology. Nothing beats actually TALKING to a LIVE girl in person because heterosexual woman are attracted to men. Your masculine PRESENCE is the most attractive thing to a woman.
When you see an attractive woman FLIRT with her. Then. get seroius for a bit. Connect with her. Get her phone number and CALL her to set up a date (more one-one LIVE interaction). Then kiss her and sleep with her. Why waste you life worrying about the right time to text a woman when you could be sleep ing with her. yet if you MUST text at least do it right. I laid it all out for some folks here http://jlslutmag.com/jumpys-secrets-of-flirting-over-text-chatting-made-simple/