How Do You Get Back Out There After Your Heart was Shattered?

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I’ve been single for roughly three months after experiencing the most devastating breakup I’ve ever had.

It’s something I’ve discussed in past articles that initially was about the hopefulness of my relationship before it became the downfall and tragic end to it.

No one died. Physically, I mean. It just ended badly. Really badly. There’s a deadness emotionally still and the pain from it has caused an unwanted cloud that I can’t see past.

The cloud in this case represents the ability to look at other men as dating potentials. Life’s challenges and everything else can get in the way of focusing on something like this, but the added frustration of not wanting to date again in the effort to find the one is something totally separate.

I consider myself to be an introverted extrovert. Meaning I’m the life of the party in most situations but can easily flip the switch in quieter ones. The norm these days in finding someone to date, be friends with or f**k is done in done in two ways: at a bar or on an app.

You would think being this outgoing guy could get me numbers galore, especially in a bar situation. It was like this before my breakup but now I can’t seem to get myself to move when I lock eyes with someone or find a guy I see as desirable.

Could this be a situation where I’m stuck in the past and hung up on someone I know for a fact will never get back together with me? Am I scared that the next guy I may date have similar traits to my most recent ex and I will spend more time comparing him than getting to know who he is as an individual?

These thoughts have consistently run through my mind each time I’m at my favorite local bar and it’s stopped me from wanting to pursue something with anyone. I prefer in real life experiences as opposed to the apps as there’s a genuineness there that you won’t get from woofing at another guy.

The apps are a different situation. I removed myself from them for the most part when my relationship began and now find myself downloading and logging in to more than one.

Apps have always been tricky for me for years. It’s hard to really tell what someone wants on there. Many boyfriends or short-term relationships began on them, so I figured this would be a good start for me to finding my next guy as the IRL stuff really isn’t cutting it now.

There have been at least 5-10 guys who have asked me out. We will set a date, and then I’ll flake. Some have been understanding, others pretty much tell me to f**k off and one guy blocked me over it. Yikes. It’s like my depression over the breakup has seemed into their minds digitally and they don’t want anything to do with it. Understandable.

I’ll never forget when Charlotte (Kristin Davis) told Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) that it takes the half the total amount of time you dated someone to get over them after she split from Big (Chris Noth) on Sex and the City.

I’m at that mathematic point right now. I was only with the guy for six months but the time we had together was profound enough to get me to the mental point I’m at currently.

Question is: how long did it take you to successfully move on with your dating life after the heartache and pain from your last breakup subsided? 

This is the opinion of one contributing writer and not that of Instinct Magazine or other Contributing Writers.

1 thought on “How Do You Get Back Out There After Your Heart was Shattered?”

  1. Hi Ryan,

    I was so happy to see your article just now. This is me and everything I have been trying to say!! In 2015 I met the love of my life. We had the greatest of times, but also a rough go at it as well. We ended in 2016 for multiple reasons, the biggest is me moving out of state. Here we are in 2019 and I can’t seem to meet anyone. I’m not over him, trust I’ve tried to meet people. I’m old fashioned, I have some apps but hate them. I want to meet someone in real life that just gets me. Sadly, that’s my ex…and I don’t think I’ll ever be happy with anyone else. So my advice is, when you find the answer let me know!!!!! Best wishes!

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