How do you handle a delicate situation? Do you take the high road and win the diplomat of the year award? Do you state the truths of the matter and let the chips fall where they may? Or do you bring an uzi to a knife fight and blow everything up not caring if there are any survivors?
Well put on your diplomacy hat or sit on it and see how you would answer this straight woman's question recently published in Adequate Man.
My best friend is recently married to a guy who says homophobic stuff. She looks a bit embarrassed when this happens but doesn’t say too much. For example, a lesbian couple came by their place to pick something up and afterwards he says to his wife, “Aww, I thought you said they’d be HOT lesbians!” Occasionally when he sees a guy wearing something he thinks is too weird he’ll say something like, “Looks like that guy takes it up the ass!”
My friend loves this person and he treats her well and she’s been great to me over the years. I’m kind of sick of this occasional (once every three months?) homophobic bullshit though but don’t know how to approach it. Talk to my friend? Talk to him? Both at the same time? This guy I know won’t really change if I do say anything but I feel like he needs to be called out on his shit. I just don’t want to make my friend feel like she’s in a hard place. – adequateman.deadspin.com
In her answering this concern, writer Hannah Keyser breaks up her response using the following headings.
This isn’t the time for a moral intervention:
On the subject of intent:
How to talk about it without making an enemy:
Know your limit:
Go on over and read how Hannah would handle the above scenario.
How would you handle this dilemma? I did not realize until last year that we do have a good amount of straight readers of Instinct Magazine. So we ask you … How have you handled this?
And then there's us Gays…
Of course the big difference in this scenario and how we would react is that we're LGBT. I usually tell it like it is. Blunt honesty is how I usually roll. But there was a situation recently where I did not speak up. I was hanging out with a friend and her boyfriend and some racist things were said quickly in passing about someone else in the crowd of people. I was dumbfounded that this would occur and I think I took way too long to process it, the moment had passed and I didn't bring it up. Unlike the Adequateman story above, this was a one time deal and I haven't hung out with them as a couple since.
How have you handled friends of friends using homophobic phrases?
Do you know your limit?
Risk making an enemy?
Counsel with your friend first?
Be blunt an honest and take no prisoners?