Should The Condom Ever Come Off?
#InstinctAfterDark! Once again…we all get a little risque after dark, so let's dive in!
Seriously, how many times have you encountered someone who doesn’t want to wrap it up? I’ve played in my fair share of black arts – or online dating – and have men bluntly tell me he refuses to use condoms and partakes in other risky sexual behaviors. The more I find myself socializing(?) online, the more gruesome I see how some men think. Sure, we live in a world where pRep, a medication which prevents HIV transmission, exists, but I cannot fathom meeting up with a seemingly endless amount of men to participate in bareback sex. I won’t lie, I haven’t been an angel in any past or current lives, but I haven’t willingly decided to toss myself directly into the ring of wham-bam-thank-you-man. But, after reading one of the more interesting articles of my weekend, I began to wonder: Is there a right time to unwrap our willy?
According to a GayPopBuzz writer, he hasn’t used a condom in the entirety of his almost-six month relationship with his boyfriend. He blindly relies on pRep and, as one can gather, likely hasn’t used a condom since he’s been on the medication. While having consensual sex, Fields admits his boyfriend busted in him without notice. Fields questions this action being inappropriate, since he didn’t give approval beforehand. He wants to know if there is barebacking etiquette.
Well, the most obvious answer is: Duh, girl! I think an etiquette in any healthy sexual situation is also verbal communication throughout with your partner – which may be my own way of fetishizing sex – but, seriously: TALK! Haven’t movies taught us one of most climatic parts of sex is literally the climax and comedically having your neighbors hear you? So, yes – you should definitely be telling your partner when you’re about to bust – wrapped or not.
Moving ahead, as this specific writer has openly said: He hasn’t used a condom throughout his entire relationship. I feel this creates a huge problem. What if, at some point, you want to use a condom with your new beau? Does involving a condom then start a fight? Putting myself in that situation, I’d be pretty concerned if the person I’d been regularly, faithfully sleeping with asks to start putting on condoms: Why? We never did before. What changed? It’s all super scary in the long term.
While I support lots of sex – with whomever you wish – it’s just clear you need to wrap it up. I believe after a monogamous, healthy relationship blossoms into more: It may be time to communicate about having bareback sex. In a way, I believe it makes you closer to someone and the sex more passionate. But, um, can there actually be some special moments beforehand? Come on guys, it’s time to be selective.
Do you believe a relationship that begins with barebacking will end in doom? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
This article was inspired by GayPopBuzz.
This post is the opinion of this contributing writer to Instinct Magazine. Opinion pieces do not always reflect the stance of the magazine or the other contributing writers.
The Strategy. BEFORE sex get
The Strategy. BEFORE sex get tested TOGETHER for A VARIETY OF STIs Sexually Transmitted Infections including HIV Human Immunodeficiency Virus then make an INFORMED decision, google… tested together before sex
My first coming out was
My first coming out was actually in the furry fandom here in Toronto. Nobody I topped or bottomed for used a condom and in the 20 years I've been in it, I look back on it all and am AMAZED I didn't actually contract anything.