My Neighbor Is Constantly Having Anonymous Sex!
Is It Appropriate To Address An Adult's Sex Life?
#InstinctAfterDark! Okay, so I've written plenty of Instinct After Dark posts, but this one isn't really a naughty fantasy or revelation of my own. Instead, I'm kind of deflecting to the sex life of someone who is literally, close to me. I'm a twenty-something living in West Hollywood, California who definitely is at the bottom of the totem pole in dating brackets. I'm constantly busy with juggling different jobs, I'm more flamboyant than society prefers, and I could probably work out a little bit. I get it: Dating is difficult when you aren't actively putting yourself out there. I've dangled in the realm of dating apps and have had my share of hookups…sometimes because, I just wanted too. Rarely, however, do I not at least want gather details about the person I'm going to be sleeping with. Well, I'm neighbors with someone who definitely doesn't care who steps into his home: He's into anonymous sex.
What is anonymous sex? Well, my definition – which I believe is accurate according to amateur x-rated videos – is one (typically the bottom) is on all fours, blindfolded in a jockstrap; if you're kinky – in a darkened room. The anonymous top will enter through an unlocked door, find the bottom, go to pound town, and leave after he's done. We just discussed this when an anonymous sex club was charging more money for bottoms, so hopefully you're up to date!
How do I know my neighbor is having anonymous sex? Let me school you. I'm a smoker (I know, my mom has already scolded me). I'm often outside of my building in the unofficial smoking area on my phone and observing my humble neighborhood. During evenings and any-hour of the weekend: Men are going in and out the apartment next to mine. They are constant. The men will walk up to the apartment with boners, usually in typical sex attire (sweats/basketball shorts and a tank top), and a paranoia of looking over their shoulder every three seconds. Often, if I'm outside: I'm approached as being the gentleman in apartment number _. I've also had to tell these men where the apartment actually is. I see them give a knock and let themselves in with a turn of the doorknob: Which leads to my neighbor's mutt yapping for the next fifteen minutes until the caller leaves. I call it like I see it: My neighbor is having anonymous sex – and a ton of it.
Why is this becoming an issue for me? I don't live in a fancy condo, so my building is openly outside and easy to enter. My neighbor's entry door is next to mine: We share walls! As I'm standing outside smoking, I'll leave my door unlocked – but still in my view. Twice men have almost walked into my apartment before realizing it's the incorrect one and me shouting from afar. Now, like a responsible adult, I dead bolt my door regardless if I'll be standing outside or not. Occasionally, these gentlemen leaving have tried to get my number after their deed has been done. In one case: A drunk patron told me he was cat-fished. Yikes!
So, this brings me to my dilemma: Should I have a conversation with my neighbor and tell him he's bringing in a lot to my apartment building which has been relatively quiet for the last two years? I know I shouldn't get involved in other people's business, but the whole I could get walked in on at any moment thing is kind of irking me to the point where I feel like I should say something. But, where would I even begin?
Would you confront your neighbor who is addicted to anonymous sex?
So you said mid-way through
So you said mid-way through that you now bolt your door. You end your story about potentially getting walked-in on. Which is it? Are you bothered by what you THINK is going on? You actually sound possibly a little jealous and very judgmental. You call his dog a "mutt", so…you don't like his animal. Another "article" you wrote you were commenting on the homeless people in your area. You didn't seem to like them either. You didn't like the pride shirt someone was wearing in another "article". Seems like you don't like a lot of things. Seems like it may be you!
Easy to solve. Put a sign on
Easy to solve. Put a sign on your door saying "IF YOU'RE HERE FOR THE ANONYMOUS SEX, YOU HAVE THE WRONG APARTMENT. GO NEXT DOOR —>".
Unless there’s a building
Unless there's a building security issue, then let it go. Or move to a better building.
His sex life is none of your
His sex life is none of your business, so no!
Hmmm…where to begin. I don
Hmmm…where to begin. I don't think you should assume this person is a drug user as the previous comment stated, nor do I necessarily think they are addicted to sex. I know several people who's specific fetish is to take as much sperm in them as they can. That being said, a lot of those friends do so at bathhouses or sex clubs for the sake of their neighbors and roommates. If you know this neighbor, or ever get the chance to become acquainted, perhaps bring it up. But do so carefully. Don't just say "hey so you get a lot of strange dick" maybe try something like "boy you get a lot of guys over, must make some guys jealous" and see what his response is. If he's mortified, reassure him that he's not being judged but that you are a bit concerned for reasons xyz. If he takes it as a compliment, perhaps follow up with questions about what safety practices he uses. You may be surprised how far he goes to try and keep the nuisance down. Essentially you need to meet this person and start a conversation in a Jon judgemental or angry way, and hope for the best. If he's an ass and doesn't care or you discover he is a major drug addict, escelaes from there. Good luck, and remember not everyone likes the same sexual acts as you.
i had to rid myself of a
i had to rid myself of a roommate who was like that but i never considered what the situation would be if it was a neighbor. here's something to think about: if there's that much evidence of sex addiction, there's probably substances in there, too. this is also something i can tell you from my experience with the anonymous sex enthusiast roommate. it wasn't just the number of guys, or the constant use of the shower by strangers, it was the look of these guys. they weren't people you'd want in your life and it was clear that more was being run out of that bedroom than just quick sex. maybe you could talk to your property manager, frame it as a nuisance kind of situation.