Who out there remembers? Long before the days of “winks,” “taps,” “looking?” and “Unlock?” there was a phenomenon called video dating. I don’t know if this was a really a big thing in the gay community, but then again I was too young to be bothered, but if any of you guys out there did this, please share the sordid details in the comments section.
1980s Video dating was clearly the precursor to today’s online dating –and from the looks of the archives, it was possibly far more cringe-inducing than 2019’s barrage of headless torsos that send “sup” through Grindr and Scruff.
From what I recall as I was coming of age in the 80s, the most technologically advanced way of hooking up was on telephone party lines, advertised in the back of adult magazines, newspapers and for heterosexuals – late night, low production TV ads, with a barely legal, half-dressed girl asking, “Wanna talk to me and my sexy friends?”
Before the telephone party lines were hot –and they were for gay and straight people, there was an entire industry that centered around video dating. This was a process in which your “profile pic” was basically you in the most unsexy, sterile video studio environment; something that looked like that Sears Portrait Studio where you gathered with your brood to take a family photo. Your profile bio was self-written and scripted, though for an additional fee an expert could help you write about you – better than you.
You were compelled to deliver this script like a man destined to never get laid again with the fate of your libido depending on the then, state-of-the-art, VHS.
With stakes that high, it’s incredible to look back on how terribly it all went for most of the guys seeking love in the video-sphere. Thanks to the fun investigative prowess of the comedic Facebook page, Total Nerd, feathered bangs be damned – we can do just that. Let’s look back.
Total Nerd, one of the funniest accounts on Facebook, has resurrected the archives of some of the 80s guys “looking for love,” on video, and though they are hetero (questionable), they must still be seen to be believed.
Quite honestly, some of the guys are decent, and a couple of them are even hot in an abstract Olivia Newton John’s “Let’s Get Physical” video, kind of way. Oh but then wait, for no reason, there’s a guy dressed as a Viking complete with horned helmet (maybe for subliminal messaging?) His video is strange at best and not particularly sexy, especially with the added aesthetic of thick-framed, librarian, reading glasses. Then again, with current hit shows like Game of Thrones and Vikings dominating pop culture in 2019, who knows, today this dude might be a total catch.
Come to think of it, I’m sure many of you of a certain age probably dated (or at least hooked up with) guys who looked just like the guys in this video, and chances are, you even seemed pretty similar yourself, because hey, it was the 80s. This is pretty much how we all looked. It’s a wonder anyone got lucky at all in hindsight, but feathered bangs be damned, it’s always fun to look back.
So, check out some of the most eligible bachelors of the 1980s and be sure to share which dude you most likely would date … on a dare.
For me, it would definitely be this guy because he is giving me the Chad Douglas fantasty of life!
This piece is an opinion piece by one Contributing Writer for Instinct Magazine and may not reflect the opinion of the magazine or other Contributing Writers.