A recent thread on Reddit began with a question about ‘how sexual gay culture is.’
“I know people love sex and everything and more power to you but sometimes I feel boxed in when I’m not really a sexual person,” wrote Reddit user Gale2323. “Like I don’t have an issue with people being sexual but it just kinda sucks when interacting with gay guys it’s a lot about sex when I’m just looking for cuddles. Idk. Does anyone else have this problem?”
The responses, as you can imagine, ran the gamut.
Some took the position that it’s not just the gays that are ‘sexual.’
“I think people, in general, are very sexual.”
“Straight culture is just as sexual.”
“Seriously, I drive past billboards for strip clubs on my way to work every day.”
“Whenever people say pride is too sexual I tell them to drive to Indianapolis from Chicago and look at the billboards along the highway.”
And this from a self-described straight guy:
“Straight guys are as sexual if not worse. The only difference is in the other end of a straight relationship is a girl – which we, historically, regard as pure and discreet. We can’t be as straightforward as you guys; at least, “chivalry” or customs demand us to not be. We talk about girls and sex as often as gay guys talk about their men.”
But others felt gay culture is way past where the heterosexual folks are on the ‘sexual’ scale.
“Yeah, the ‘straight people too’ thing is a bunch of bullshit. Gay culture lives and breathes sex to the point where people won’t even associate with you unless you’re attractive. Most gay men would rather sit on apps tracking down their next hookup than have any sort of meaningful bond with someone.”
“Honestly I think it’s kind of an inherent flaw in the idea of two men dating each other. Men are just way more sexual than women and so straight couples have some balance that we don’t.”
“This is the uncomfortable truth that nobody will admit. Everyone says “get off Grindr, it’s toxic” and yet ignore that they’re the ones playing the game which makes Grindr toxic.”
“Straight men may feel as horny as gay men, but straight culture and straight relationships take things slower and don’t fixate on sex so much. For example, for gay guys, it’s pretty much normal to sleep with someone on a first date. With straight people that happens but there’s also kind of a stigma around it and most people wait a few dates before having sex.”
Then there was this straight-forward nugget:
“Straight culture is all about sex too. People like to f*ck.”
One Redditor blamed the sexual nature of gay men on having missed out in our teens.
“Gay culture has been so underdeveloped in the case of sexuality. We weren’t allowed to think or to feel or to act in accordance of our natural desire. We never had that teenage phase of dating or the first kiss. And understandably, now we’re hypersexual because of the lost time and the mental subjugation by this heteronormative society. I’ve been guilty of this. Yes. But I’m well aware that there needs to be a great balance between romanticism and sexuality.”
Others think the issue is one of perception on the part of society:
“I think what Gale may be getting at is that there is the perception that homosexuals are largely defined by whom they have sex with, rather than who they are. Gay men are so much more than their sexual proclivities, but society (and particular subsets of gay culture) tend to only focus on the sexual.“
“I feel the same way. I guess that the gay community has been all about sex since a real relationship was so stigmatized. I like sex just as much as any other guy but I’d like to have a normal relationship too. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who has this problem!”
The original poster, Gale2323, who later shared that he’s in his teens, responded to the thread:
“I’m not saying that the sexual aspect in gay culture is wrong (I mean we are a community based on our sexuality) but I sometimes feel that we as a community focus too much on sex (talking about topping or bottoming etc) when I don’t think the romantic aspects of how we feel about men are talked about enough.”
What do you think, readers? Is the community too focused on sex? Or is being ‘sexual’ just part of being human – straight or gay?