We’ve all been to a party when we look up and see that most attendees fit into one demographic. May it be the muscle boys, the bears, the artistic crowd, BIPOC, and the all white. Then we see the pictures fly across the internet as a comical yet sad meme where there’s a token this, that, or the other that got caught in a phot op. Please, believe me, I know. I’m usually the fat bear among the skinny pretty men listening to them on occasion make a fat joke as I stand right there. But I guess since I am a friend, they don’t see me as one of the obese men they speak of. Another story, another time, but we’ve all been there, the not so small fly on the wall. Why do we go to those parties? Why do we attend if we know we are going to be the odd man out?
Parties happen and parties are planned and people come. Pre-pandemic, I talked to a successful party planner from Chicago that has planned many LGBTQ events in Southern Florida. #Inclusion, #Equality, #Diversity, #Byanymeansnecessary, #blacklivesmatter, #BlackLGBTQLIVESMATTER are the hashtags he always uses. I asked him, do you go after a black crowd when you advertise. Do you say these are “all-black” events. He said no, but they usually end up that way. They know who I am and they see my ads and it resonates with a certain crowd more than others. I attended one of his events and yes, I was one of the few white people there. It was just a couple of miles drive away from Wilton Manors. The demographic differences were very noticeable as the night went on and the place became packed. It was a great time. Yes, I did receive some looks for being one of the very few white men there but the organizer insisted that I stay and I would not be alone.
So we go sometimes where we do not fit in. Even though it is promoted as an LGBTQ party, just by being one of those letters, doesn’t mean you will always be as welcome as one of the other demographics of the alphabet mafia. I remember going for a hot second to a Lesbian party during Tel Aviv Pride. We were just there as reporters to peak our head in to see the attendance, but if looks could kill …
I do understand the only female party and not desiring men to attend. I gayed up seeing that occur in Ogunquit, Maine as Mainestreet Bar was rented out once a month for a women’s tea dance. Men knew it was a woman’s space. Some would attend, but the dancefloor was an unspoken space for just women. And we were all fine with that. Many women disliked the cover charge that they had to pay for the tea dance, usually 3 to 9ish, but the space was rented out for such an event. DJ, bartenders, and security needed to be paid as the bar was not supplying those items and the space needed to be rented, too.
All are welcome or should be. If a cover is needed, we all pay. Well, unless you are old or if you are white.
Recall back in 2015 when the Impulse group decided to charge men over 40 an entrance fee? “Impulse Group Accused Of Age Discrimination” I had remembered this as I had just turned 40 and was living in Fort Lauderdale. Comments like – “In other words, old bitches pay now! You want to hang with twinks, sugar daddy is going to have to pay up” seem to be the popular sentiment while others cried discrimination.
Impulse – The South Florida Chapter of an International Organization dedicated to the advancement of Same Sex awareness, prevention and practice among young, sexually active gay men. A Group comprised of all volunteer, dedicated and driven gay men working together to bring South Florida provocative, thought provoking, and impactful messaging, marketing and events.
****All are free to attend HOWEVER this is a BLACK AND BROWN QUEER TRANS CENTERED, PRIORITIZED, VALUED, EVENT.
The safety of Black and Brown Trans and Queer folks is PARAMOUNT and we will make sure the safety of our community is prioritized at all times.
White allies and accomplices are welcome to attend, but will be charged a $10 to $50 reparations fee (and given a wrist band as proof of payment) that will be used to keep this event free of cost for BLACK AND BROWN Trans and Queer COMMUNITY but to also ensure that performers can be paid well. **** – facebook statement Trans Women of Color Solidarity Network