As humans, we are always looking for ways to better ourselves, make ourselves happy and ultimately live our best life. As gay men, however, there are a lot of struggles that the majority of us have had to overcome just to feel accepted, let alone to feel happy.
We recently were turned on to a video by Matthew J. Dempsey, a psychotherapist, who gives tips on how to be a happy homo.
Let's spread some positivity this week shall we, and learn to love ourselves, as perfect as we are!
The steps that Matthew explains are as follows
We've grown up in a world where 'gay' is seen as inadequate, that you're not right, that there's something wrong with you. It's something we internalize and project out onto others. Our experience is what we make of it, so lets make it good one.
Be grateful for the things you have. Try this; write down three things that you are grateful for. Do this once a day, they can be the same thing each day, or they can be new things, but doing this daily will rewire you to focus on everything you do already have, as opposed to what you don't.
- Open Up
Be vulnerable. We've spent so long as a community putting walls up, wearing a mask every day, and its exhausting. Don't practice conditional love, don't feel as though you have to hide who you are for anybody.
Share every aspect of yourself. once we do that, we open up about the things we are struggling with, the things we are afraid of, and at that point, we are no longer loving ourselves conditionally, its unconditional.
If you grow up in a homophobic environment, you are led to believe that the authentic you is not okay, and this leads to not paying attention to the things you authentically care about. If you're devaluing yourself constantly, you don't hold value in the things that you should be.
Pay attention to the things that make your eyes light up, to the things that make your heart beat that little bit faster, that give you excitement. Remind yourself that the things you care about actually matter, and that they are worth your time.
Be kind. When you live in a society that is already hyper critical of the LGBT community, it's easy to learn that behavior, and become that which you hate. It's easy to project the criticism you have placed on you outwardly. Be aware of that. Actively strive to do the opposite of how the bad people treat you, make it your life to treat others how you want to be treated.
If you project kindness, you will internalize it, to put it simply.
Let it go. There is only so much that you can do to make yourself happy, to give yourself that feeling of elation. Once you've practiced the first four steps, step five is to assure yourself that you have done everything to feel happy, and that if you aren't feeling completely happy, if you are still feeling down, sluggish, anything other than happiness, that's okay.
Acceptance is what keeps sadness from turning into depression, and stress from turning into anxiety. Ride that wave of uncomfortability back to the shore. You will find happiness. As cliche as it sounds, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. You will move through these emotions with these five steps, and you will always come out feeling happier.
- My thoughts and feelings
I wish I could explain it as good as Matthew does, so I've included the video in this article below. After watching, I got to thinking, am I happy?
Sure, there are aspects of my life that aren't as fruitful as I'd like, but through accpetance of that, and the drive to push myself that I have internally, I have no doubt in my mind that yes, I am happy.
We've all been through heartache, pain and some form of abuse, and it's so easy to put a barrier up, but to learn to strip that down was, for me, a huge relief. I'm more open than I've ever been, I've got the most positive outlook on my life, and I'm doing things that make me happy, pleasing myself above all else.
Are you a happy homo? Let us know in the comments below.