"It's you, not me." Have you ever said that when it was 1,000% him? I am sure we all have used that excuse and have been labeled a psycho for breaking someone's heart. But what happens when it is 1,000% him and he is the psycho?
You know who you are …
When you hear the word psychopath, your mind might conjure up all sorts of scary imagery; like Annie Wilkes from the movie Misery or Hannibal Lecter in the flick, Silence of the Lambs. But are these really accurate representations of people who have psychopathic tendencies? The answer to that question might surprise you.
According to behavioral research, psychopaths make up about 1% of the population. Most of them aren’t violent killers and don’t go around chasing after people with knives or axes. In fact, the vast majority of psychopaths are well educated, well-spoken and hold steady jobs. They can be men or women, straight or gay.
So who are these people, really?
They’re folks like your ex-lover, who all your friends think of as “awesome”, never knowing how he secretly treated you like crap. Or it’s your co-worker – the one that pretends to be your friend but backstabs you whenever he gets the chance.
And finally – it could be the guy you’ve been dating.
Believe it or not, psychopaths look like anyone else. The big difference is they don’t have a conscience. That’s because metaphorically, they don’t have a “chip” that lets them feel guilt, shame or remorse for their terrible actions. Many are excellent chameleons, teaching themselves how to fake human emotions but never really experiencing any of those feelings. To make matters worse, they view some emotions as commodities to be exploited; like trust, love and forgiveness.
To the untrained eye, most psychopaths slip by unnoticed. Many are friendly, likeable and completely charming. But if you are unlucky enough to get close with a psychopath, a hellish life awaits.
It doesn’t start off that way.
Those first few encounters can seem like something out of a fairytale. Over the course of time, however, the “perfect romance” often gives way to crazy making. – Gaypopbuzz.com
Thanks Gaypopbuzz.com , this combined with the 10 tell-tale signs your boyfriend is a psychopath helped me flag one of my exes as a little bit psycho. These red flags come from clinical data, coupled with observations made from the online support group, Psychopath Free.
Gaypopbuzz.com recommends reading these in context and avoid focusing on just one sign. Look for a pattern – a mosaic of behaviors. Here are the headlines of each of the 10 tell-tale signs. Head over to Gaypopbuzz.com for an elaboration on each. I just shared the bulleted parts of the ones that lined up with one of my "psycho exes."
1. He’ll initially charm your pants off
- Mirror your hopes and dreams
- Make claims of shared interests
- Offer super flattering compliments
2. Exhibits “Crazy Making” behaviors
- Dismissive of evidence that proves they’ve lied.
- Blame you for their unacceptable behaviors without taking any responsibility.
- Will engage in activities to make you think you are “nuts”, like denying they said something when you just heard them say it.
3. Makes you think They’re “In Demand”
4. Will shame you for feeling emotions they provoke
5. Pathological liars
6. Will slowly erode your self-esteem
- “Should you really be eating that donut?”
- “Maybe if you exercised, I wouldn’t be checking other guys.”
- Will complement the appearance of other men and ignore yours.
7. Makes you feel constantly anxious
8. Will cause you to isolate
- Makes you feel guilty for spending time with friends.
- Will offer unsolicited, negative commentary about your interactions with family.
- May accuse you of “cheating” with one of your ex-boyfriends or best buddy.
9. Emotionally and sometimes physically abusive
10. Will exploit your weaknesses
- Will use your body image issues to shame you or make you feel unattractive.
- May use knowledge of your past trust issues to engage in hurtful behaviors (i.e. cheat on you because he knows how much it will hurt you).
- May encourage you to spend money you don’t have and derail your financial goals. – Gaypopbuzz.com
I think maybe I'll keep this list in my pocket for the first month of dating, but then again, that might make me a little psycho if someone found that out.
What are your thoughts Instincters?
Are these things just 10 items that make someone a psycho, bad at relationships, or just a bad person in general?
Do they go as far to make someone certifiable?
How does this match up to some of those crazy exes you have had?
But then again, have you noticed one of these 10 in yourself?
How many did you check off when self diagnosing?