Some of us long for the touch of another man. Some of us get a great deal of that touch and want more. It may come down to not the quantity or quality of touching, but what type of touching. This topic is the basis of Adam Lippin's article recently published on goodmenproject.com.
I’m gay, I have a family, I’ve been successful in business, and I recently turned 50. I looked around at my community recently and I perceived that my gay male friends in particular were missing a lot of true intimacy – genuine human connection between non-sexual partners.
They were either having lots of sex in an effort to connect, or they were drawing back from dating altogether because it wasn’t fulfilling their need for full intimacy.
Seeing that need, I started building a professional cuddling service called Cuddlist to provide cuddling as a sort of therapy. It’s safe, non-sexual, physical intimacy as a healing context for my clients, who often feel like they live touch-starved lives.
Even though I live in one of the gayest cities per capita in the US, I don't get to find the compatibility I am looking for often. If a guy I find attractive gives me a compliment, I'm all set for weeks. I think I am one of those touch-starved guys for if a guy I find to be "my kind of guy" does a touch or a caress, that's me getting the jackpot.
I’ve been through a lot of inner work to create a well-adjusted life, and cuddling – (along with yoga and meditation) is one of the most powerful methodologies I’ve used to consistently create fullness in my life. The scientific research supports the physiological and psychological importance of touch.
As I’ve grown my practice and the larger Cuddlist movement, I’ve noticed that there is a real need in the gay community for safe intimacy.
In general, our gay clients fall into 3 categories:
- Healthy well-adjusted life with great sex and full intimacy… who know how valuable touch is.
- Haven’t had a date in 25 years, don’t get touch needs met, loneliness is calcified into their bones as a story… need help with safely reversing the numbness and embracing intimate vulnerability.
- Acted out sexually because they didn’t know how else to get intimacy… don’t know any other way to get it – and “it” doesn’t work any more. This is a different kind of numbness that has to do with lacking real presence or depth… with wanting to feel more in life.
Okay, I think that's me, a number 2 kind of guy. Even though I live in the gayest city, most men are partnered, partnered and in open relationships, into ParTying, passing through, or we don't speak the same language.
Partially, I believe this divide is still leftover from the AIDS crisis and how it has affected us generationally… along with the way the media portrays gay men. Also – even though we are gay, we grew up with the same construct of masculinity all boys do – and that becomes internalized.
But across the board, I really see gay men wanting more of this intimacy and depth.
Male Certified Cuddlers provide a healing context for the gay community. Intimacy is not the sex-crazed thing, but it isn’t the abstinence thing either… you’re allowed to be touched and have intimacy. There’s a spectrum.
The challenge of realizing that spectrum is something I believe our community is uniquely capable of embracing.
In the gay community, there’s some real healing that could happen if we allowed ourselves the physical, non-sexual, intimate touch of cuddling. – goodmenproject.com
Do you agree with Lippin's diagnosis that many of us are out of touch?
Would you seek out the services of a Cuddlist?
Or are you more apt to seek out an escort for a more internal healing?
h/t: goodmenproject.com and Adam Lippin
Bottoms are insane masochist
Bottoms are insane masochist who thrive on humiliation and degradation. They seek out superficial insane alpha males who are actually sociopathic. Any affection given is a sign of weakness to these menial bottom //hores. Your interest level doesn't have to be as high as theirs, but show a little bit of interest outside of sex and you will lose. They want challenge, aloof jerks, who make them feel inferior. Sounds otherworldly, but a lot of top and bottoms enjoy this lifestyle due to the influence of porn.
I know for a fact that there
I know for a fact that there are people seeking out sex when what they want is just physical contact. And I say this as someone who is very positive about people getting casual sex when that's what they want. But I've had the experience of being in a bathhouse and fooling around with a guy who stopped midway through and timidly asked, "Look, I know this is weird, but… would you mind cuddling me for a while?" I said of course, and while I held him, he tearfully admitted that nobody had touched him in three years. I cuddled him for much of the rest of the night and it did him the world of good. I am convinced that a lot of us are basically trading sex for the experience of being held and touched, which is a basic human need. Part of it is the leftover machismo that says that men are not allowed to have needs, least of all for human contact, caring, or tenderness. I hope that Cuddlists become a thing sooner rather than later.
I agree with his approachÂ
I agree with his approach
wr do u live?
wr do u live?