I remember having a "I wish you weren't gay" conversation with my mother some years after I came out. She shared with me the reason she felt that way was that she didn't want my life to be a hard one and she knew very well the challenges gay men faced. Her life long friend, best friends since the 4th grade, had a gay brother, and she grew up seeing how different his life was because of his sexuality. Granted, he was born in the 50s and grew up in the 60s, 70s, and passes away in the late 80s, being gay then and now, men still faced the same hatred and many of the same obstacles remain.
So when I heard that Backstreet Boy AJ McLean said he would prefer that his daughters be LGBT, it needed some looking into.
Recently, while exclusively spilling the news about 2018's Backstreet Boys cruise, McLean expressed to Refinery29 just how much fatherhood has changed him, and how glad he is to have daughters ("I'm so thankful I don't have sons"). He told us how being a father has helped him stay sober, and why he hopes that both his girls are gay because it "takes the penis out of his life." Like I said, he's an unfiltered guy — future suitors, you have been warned. – Refinery29
The Huffington Post followed up the Refinrery29 piece with their own titled "The Depressing Reason Why This Backstreet Boy Hopes His Daughters Are Gay."
I know he was joking. And I’m not going to lose my mind over a no-longer-relevant boy band member making a stupid comment in a mostly innocuous interview (especially because he’s identified himself as an ally to the queer community in the past). But I think it’s worth pointing out that hoping your daughters are queer so you (and they?) don’t have to deal with men is really, really dumb. Not just dumb ― it’s downright depressing as it highlights our society’s huge problem with toxic masculinity and our collective fears about what men are capable of doing to women while simultaneously failing to hold men accountable for their actions or make concerted efforts to change their “bad behavior.”
So here’s what I’m going to suggest to AJ. Instead of hoping his daughters turn out to be gay, why doesn’t he settle for them turning out to be exactly who they are and loving exactly whomever feels exactly right to them. And in the meantime, maybe he should commit himself to helping to change the way we raise our boys and challenge what we expect from our men. That way, on the offhand chance whatever falling star he’s been wishing on doesn’t come through and his daughters end up wanting a penis in their lives at some point, maybe it’ll come attached to a good guy who respects them and loves them ― and who doesn’t need to be threatened with a beating from a Backstreet Boy to inspire them to do so. – The Huffington Post
What are your thoughts on AJ's statement?
How about a mother wishing that her children would grow up to be gay boys so they wouldn't have to deal with girls?
I often thank my lucky stars that I am gay so I don't have to ever worry about figuring out women!
And are we using the phrase "toxic masculinity" way too often?