Can You Be A Gay/Bi Male And Not Like Anal Sex?

Are you not a fan of butt sex?  Do you feel alone in the gay community?  It seems that everyone wants penetration out there and that's about it.  If you've been on any of the apps, I would sat 98% of the guys are looking to be penetrated or do the penetrating and if you say you're not interested in either position, blocked, deleted, crickets.  If you're looking for just some oral and no anal on the App-o-shpere, is it best of luck to you my dear?

Zachary Zane tells us in his latest video, it's okay to not desire butt sex if you're a gay or bi male, but figure out why.


This is for all those guys out there who are intimate with other guys, but aren't sure if they're gay/bi because they have no desire in having anal sex. –





So what do you think? 

Is it okay to not desire penetration play when having sex? 

Is it because you think it's gross?  Because of the poop?

Because it will make you really gay?

Can you boil it down to internalized homophobia?

Or is it because you find no pleasure in it at all?




20 thoughts on “Can You Be A Gay/Bi Male And Not Like Anal Sex?”

  1. I am gay, have been out and

    I am gay, have been out and in multiple relationships over the course of the last 15 years. I have topped a few times and found it uncomfortable, and I have bottomed multiple times and always found it uncomfortable. I like the "idea" of having anal sex, but not the practice of it. Considering how varied human beings are, it's always staggering to me how often I feel shoved into a box. I've been made to feel "less than" by lovers and friends alike (not the majority of them, but when it happens, it's disheartening). When I was younger, my distaste for the practice really got me down and made me worried. Was there something really wrong with me? Would I never  find someone? It's tough when you are fighting to be accepted for who you are by outsiders at the same time that you are being put down by your own. I've grown up a lot since then, though, and now live comfortably knowing that I don't have to do anything just because someone else thinks one way is "normal" and another "weird." Occasionally someone will still put it in my head that I am somehow flawed, but I really feel like this comes from a place of limited worldview. Again, we are all so different, so nuanced, that just because I don't like something, it doesn't make me broken or less than. I'm successful, I'm happy, I have great non-anal sex, and anybody who has a problem with it… can suck it :). Cause they sure won't be doing the other! I dictate who I am and what I'm comfortable doing. I recognize what I find pleasurable. And if you're like me, reading this and wondering if you can really find someone like you: yes, you can. We may be fewer, but there are still many of us. Three of my six long term boyfriends over the years were not into anal at all — some less so than me. Sometimes I have to look back  and remind myself of my own history: that there are more of us than you might expect. Remember: not everyone lives their lives on Grindr, and even THERE you can find people who would rather avoid the butt. I'm fine, you're fine. Just be yourself and do what makes you happy. Don't let anybody put you down or pressure you into doing something you legitimately don't want to do. You're the king of you; You get to lay down the law of you.

  2. 100% Gay. 100% not into anal.

    100% Gay. 100% not into anal. It can really limit your options. I try to be up front about it so as not to lead someone on who would not be sexually compatible.  

  3. Regarding penetration, I know

    Regarding penetration, I know quite a few guys who do not like topping or bottoming. I've never asked why, but my guess it would be they simply do not like it. Regarding "poop," there are plenty of products available for quick cleaning to remove residue, and if you wear a condom, your dick will still be clean. The condom may be gross, but it's going to be thrown away. In all years (I'm 54), I've never almost had an accident nor have my partners. I've needed to use the bathroom after, but never during. My embarrassing experiences tend to be coming too early or peeing instead of ejaculating, the latter has not happened in a while. Since I've shared too much information, I'll leave this anonymous.

  4. I’m a gay man, age 50, have

    I'm a gay man, age 50, have been out since college. Dated & had sex with women in high school & college. I HATE having my asshole touched, nor penetrated. Yes, I've been fucked, numerous times. And yes, I've tried dildo's & toys. No, it has nothing to do with poop, it's simply not pleasurable to me. I instantly lose my erection when my husband sticks his finger up my ass, or ties to insert anything. Love to top, thankfully my partner is a complete bottom. Love to suck cock, have mine sucked – anything else a typical gay man enjoys. Just no ass play… it works for me, I have a great sex life.

  5. I’ve met several gay men who

    I've met several gay men who will not be penetrated. I have never really thought this as strange just seeing these men as total tops. Also I've met many bi-males that are not interested in anal sex at all, only oral. This I is found to be a little more weird

  6. It really has to do with your

    It really has to do with your comfort zone. before I met my partner eight years ago I was definitely top. When I met my partner, who is versatile I decided to try bottoming. The first few times it hurt like crazy and every time my partner would thrust it felt like I needed to use the bathroom. it took me some time and lots of training to enjoy being penetrated. Of course penetration still hurts, but I guess you develop a technique on how to deal with the pain. I like to think of my breathing while being penetrated as instant yoga. And the poop part…sometimes it happens, but no biggie. If the receiver is ok the show goes on. 

    • Your comment is completely

      Your comment is completely irrelevant here. This piece is about gay men who have no interest in anal sex. That obviously doesn't apply to you and your partner.

  7. This video doesn’t make sense

    This video doesn't make sense… I'm married and my husband isn't big an anal sex…. its not that he's not totally comfortable with his sexuality, he is married to a man for Christ sake & the poop thing isn't an issue either…. he says he just prefers oral and other things… we have anal because he knows I enjoy it but it's rare….. 

    • I agree about this video not

      I agree about this video not making sense, another example of someone on the web who is there because he can be and has little to offer.

  8. I am 100 percent gay. Have

    I am 100 percent gay. Have been for years. One reason only why I am not into butt play is IT FUCKING HURTS!!!!!  

  9. I’ve been toping guys for

    I've been toping guys for over 40 years now and have ran into a few that didn't like anal sex but could they suck cock 

  10. Im gay and dont really like

    Im gay and dont really like sex at all .. I used to but now  not that thrilled.  Dont really miss it 

  11. I am a 100% gay man and has

    I am a 100% gay man and has been out for years but does not like anal sex bottom or top.  This is a living example and testament for a state of being, regardless what others feel, think or do.

    • You are one of the 0.02% who

      You are one of the 0.02% who are in that "gay" situation. Good for you, at least you know what you like, you are not vacillating back and forth, that would be madness. But if one day you change your mind, there are many of us out there waiting for you. Enjoy being gay anyway you know how.

      • Thank you for your

        Thank you for your affirmation of my anal-less sex and I am the anon who wrote the above.  I love guys especially guys who love guys, regardless how they perform their loving.  The right man or a man who is my type is the most wonderful "thing" in the universe.  I can literally worship him.  

  12. I have a friend in his early

    I have a friend in his early 30's that's just coming to terms with his sexuality and while I know he has had sex with a few guys I don't think anal sex has been involved i don't think he is ready to try it as a top or bottom I think he is gay and not bi but for him having an active sex life is just beginning So yes it is possible to be gay or bi and not have anal sex

    • Vin, I think that your

      Vin, I think that your comment ""yes it is possible to be gay or bi and not have anal sex" is a bit premature to say about your friend who just recently came out. Sooner rather than later he will come across the guy who will teach him how to relax and enjoy the pleasures of anal sex.

  13. When it comes to sexual

    When it comes to sexual pleasure, I always say that straight men don't know what they are missing by not letting anybody touch their hole and are really terrified of penetration! I think every straight man should be fucked at least once so that they can experience the joys of anal sex. I bet that once they do it once they will come back for more. Now, if a gay/bi man doesn't like anal sex, he should be in therapy.

    • I thought you are a mature

      I thought you are a mature person but your comment shames you and all those who think like you.  The gay community comes in multiples of "flavors" and desires.  Not everyone has to fit your specific definition of what sex he or she practices and enjoys.  People like you are just as bad as homophobes because you want to dictate what people do for sex and how in your statement:  "Now, if a gay/bi man doesn't like anal sex, he should be in therapy."

      The truth of the matter is you don't know what sex is.  Maybe you are still too young 15-16 and your brain is not fully matured. 

      Pleasure is what people deep down in their brain ask for and are satisfied with.  If you want  to cure them, you are not any better than proponents of gay therapy. 


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