Dating Etiquette: Is It Wrong To Ask ‘Are You Masculine?’

(image via Depositphotos)

An exchange between two gay men chatting on a dating app has gone viral and sparked a huge conversation about ‘masculinity’ and gender expression.

Facebook user Ethan Jeremiah posted a screen capture of the quick conversation on his Facebook page on September 7. It’s not clear if Jeremiah was part of the actual chat as the image has been shared several times across the inter-webs.

In the chat, the first person inquires, “Are you a masculine guy?”

The second person responds with a question: “What would you define as masculine? Lol.”

“Not a flaming gay queen lol,” says the first guy.

Guy number two didn’t seem to care for that definition which was termed as ‘toxic masculinity’ by some commenters.

“I have too much going on in my life to worry about how someone perceives my personality based on heteronormative ideas of gender expression,” read his response. “I just am. I’m not worried about masculinity or femininity nor do I really care where I fall in line with someone else’s perception of those things.”

(image via Facebook)

The comments on the post were wide-ranging:

“Best answer ever.”

“Your clapback was everything.”

“So savage, yet so eloquent.”

“Some people’s idea of masculinity is another person’s ‘Hey, gurl!'”

“I don’t mean to be that guy, and I respect everyone no matter how they act or sound. But I’m gay. I like dudes. I like dudes that sound like dudes. If I wanted to date someone who sounded feminine I’d date a girl.”

Another Facebook account shared the screen cap and the comments were just as varied:


“So you’re fem and dramatic. Got it”

“No one is masc , give that bitch a couple drinks and put on some Beyoncé. The queen always comes out.”

“Anyone who asks that question has zero self confidence.”

And this comment took the author to task for having language skills: “First of all, you apparently don’t have much going on in your life if you have that much of a vocabulary. Secondly, I sympathize with the guy asking about being masculine. I’d rather not be with a ‘flaming queen’ either.”

The conversation took several turns as some felt the “masculine/flaming guy queen” comment was out of bounds, while others gave the first guy props for “knowing what he’s looking for.”

Tell us what you think, readers. Was the initial question off-base? Or was the response addressing ‘gender expression’ over-the-top?

What do you think?