Celebrity gossip guru and author Rob Shuter has worked with some of the biggest names in entertainment; JLo Diddy, Bon Jovi, Jessica Simpson, Alicia keys, the list goes on. Rob’s new book, The 4-Word Answer, is not only a best seller but it’s also being called the greatest self-help book ever by OK Magazine.
Chocked full of anecdotes, stories, and quotes from Rob’s famous former bosses, The 4-Word Answer delivers poignant lessons about self-awareness, self-acceptance, forgiveness, tenacity, and defining our life’s purpose. Incidentally, it’s a perfectly aligned book for the season as millions of people embark upon conquering the impossible — New Year’s Resolutions.
I joined Rob this New Year’s Eve as we recorded our Friday episode of the Naughty but But Nice podcast presented by iheartradio. However, instead of gossiping about celebrities, as we always do, we talked about keeping those new year’s resolutions and stopping old bad habits from returning.
We further discussed why you should not wait until New Year’s Eve to make a change, and Rob revealed the best new year’s resolution you could ever make.
The Interview with Rob Shuter:
Corey Andrew: Rob Hello! This is really fun to turn the tables once again and interview you!
Rob Shuter: Hello, my friend. Yes, we usually do a gossip show every day, but I thought we could chat about New Year’s Resolutions. It’s an excellent time for people to start thinking about what they want to change in life. I was thinking about this myself, Corey, just yesterday. I was thinking about how I feel about resolutions. And while I was thinking about it, I remembered there’s a whole chapter in my book on making a change, having a better life, and thinking about ways to be the best you.
Corey Andrew: So yes, let’s start at the beginning. What is the The 4-Word Answer?
Rob Shuter: The four-word answer is more than a book. It’s a tool that changed my life. Every successful person I’ve ever met, including big names like JLo and Diddy and Alicia keys —all these people could describe themselves in just a few simple words, just a few words.
So if you asked JLo, who are you? She could tell you the answer. If you asked Diddy, who are you? He could tell you the answer. Same with Jessica Simpson. Same with Alicia keys. It’s the most critical question you’re ever going to ask yourself: who am I?
Look in the mirror and ask yourself that, “Who am I?” It’s a question that only people comfortable in their own skin can answer? And only those who know the answer will be successful. That’s why it is so important to know who you are. You can’t be successful in life. You can’t be happy in life until you know who you are. In The 4-Word Answer, I help people discover exactly who they are in just four words.
Corey Andrew: Well, with so many of us struggling — as always to keep our new year’s resolution, how do we stick to it and stop those old bad habits from popping up again.
Rob Shuter: Yes, you’re right. Right now, people are really looking inward and asking themselves, what do we want to do differently this year? What’s my new year’s resolution? And that starts by knowing who you are. And that’s why you’ve really gotta answer that question. Who are you? But as for new year’s resolutions — why we don’t keep them, and why those bad habits keep returning, the reason we give up on them is it’s much easier to go back to living the old way than make a change.
Corey, change is challenging. It doesn’t matter if you are a superstar. If you are you, if you are me, whoever you are in life, change is really hard. And the minute we lose focus, those naughty habits come rushing back in. And the main reason is that we are creatures of habit. We have to admit that we are features of habit. Our whole lives are designed around familiar patterns to find comfort in our daily routines. That is why before very long, without putting up much of a fight, our old habits come back. So we have to start new healthier habits, remain alert, and remain focused. It’s not magic; it’s about making choices —good choices.
Corey Andrew: Also, in The 4-Word Answer, you say that we should not be waiting until New Year’s Eve to make “resolutions,” choices, and changes. So tell me about why we should not wait until the end of the year to make changes.
Rob Shuter: Yeah. Don’t wait for tomorrow or the end of the year to follow your dreams. How many people say, oh, I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll do it tomorrow. You won’t do it. Now. How many people wait for the end of the year to change their lives? No, no, no. Please do it now. So this is a little tip: I think of my life as a television show; it’s almost broken down into hour-long episodes. You can do this too.
Just think, when a new hour begins, so does a new episode. That trick allows me to refocus every single hour. So, I choose to self-assess at the top of every single hour. That way, I can’t procrastinate for any longer than 60 minutes. It’s all I can do, Corey, and when the clock strikes the top of the hour, I reset my life. Don’t wait for tomorrow. Certainly, don’t wait for the end of the year —every single hour, reset your life.
Corey Andrew: Wow. I love that, Rob. And you share in the book that the best resolution we can ever make is forgiveness. Explain what you mean by that.
Rob Shuter: Yeah. One of the most successful people I know gave me this advice a few years ago. They are a superstar. They didn’t want to be revealed, so I will honor that trust, but they told me they make a resolution of forgiveness every year. And a big part of that is changing your relationship with your past because that is the only way to change your relationship with your future.
New Year’s Eve Resolutions are all about tomorrow. The problem is you won’t do it. You’ll never stick to it until you resolve your past. So you have to look back a little bit to look forward. A bright tomorrow requires that you deal with the dark wounds from yesterday.
When you no longer loathe your past, you’ll no longer loathe your future. The only thing a lousy past is good for is preparing you to have a great tomorrow. That starts with forgiving yourself, Corey. Forgive yourself for all the things you’ve been holding onto, all those awful things that you say to yourself, all that blame and guilt that you’ve been carrying for years. Your New Year’s resolution must begin with forgiving yourself.
Corey Andrew: Ok, I get all that loud and clear. But forgiveness of yourself is one thing —and then there is forgiveness of others. They are two different things.
Rob Shuter: Yes, but, see, when you forgive others, you end up helping yourself more than the person who has wronged you. I’m not telling you to forgive others because it’s good for them. No, it’s because it’s good for you. You’ve been beating yourself up for far too long, hoping to hurt others. When in reality, the only person you’ve been hurting is yourself. Think about it. Think about all those cruel names you’ve called somebody that hurt you. Oh, it’s a waste of your time. They’re not even listening, anyway.
The only person you are hurting is yourself. So it’s time to forgive. Aim for the point where you can be grateful for all the bad things that have happened to you —because they happened for a reason. For example, though I know it’s easy to say now, but years ago, I lost a job at the time, and it was really painful. But it led me to this, and I love what I’m doing today.
This post is an opinion piece by one Contributing Writer for Instinct Magazine and may not reflect the opinion of the magazine or other Contributing Writers.