Bears date bears, twinks seek out twinks, jocks play with jocks. It's the usual law of the land. The rule that most people say is put out what you want or be the person you want to be with. Unfortunately, I'm not attracted to the fellow ursines / bears or bigger beefy men. I'm more of the "opposites attract" kind of guy. So following the rule of dating, I should transform myself into a jock or a twink or a thin guy and spend weekends getting my back waxed.
Once in a while I get lucky enough to find someone outside of my category that will give me a second look, even though I don't have the 32 and under waist or abs for days. There are fit and fun men that do find us bigger beefier men good enough to give us the time of day and maybe the time of night and breakfast the next morning. Actually a nice fit smiling guy giving me a simple compliment would keep my happy meter full for weeks.
So why would a beefier bearish guy be someone to give a chance? Besides our great personalities and ability to produce body heat, Xem VanAdams believes there are other reasons to give thick men a chance. Here are the 5 reasons that Xem says is why thicker men are being sought out as potential boyfriends.
1. LAST LONGER IN BED –
Recent scientific studies have proven that overweight men who have plump tummies also maintain a female sex hormone that floats through their bodies called, Estradiol. The hormone actually works to slow down the process of reaching an orgasm …
So wait, we may not be able to last as long at the gym or running around the track, but we can make time stand still in other places.
2. MORE UNDERSTANDING & ACCEPTING –
Dating a chubby or heavier man can work wonders for your self-esteem. Most often, a guy who has battled with his own weight and body issues isn’t going to criticize you or the other people around him for gaining a few extra pounds…
Been there. I've dated the more fit guys before and they are always picking on themselves and their body image. Yes, we are understanding of those battles and we will support you in them and through them, but we won't start them.
3. MENTALLY HEALTHIER & HAPPIER THAN MANY –
While it is certainly true that bigger people suffer from bouts of sadness, insecurities or depression as it pertains to their physical body, a lot of thick men are rather confident in whom they are as a whole…
There are times we need a good cry. We all need a good cry. Our bodies are not the best when being aligned with society's definition of pretty, but once we get past the being single blues, we are pretty confident about what we believe in, stand for, and want. I've had the same discussion with many people about how different they are now than when they were in their 20's. I always have to disagree with the norm for I feel I haven't really changed much since my 20's. May that mean I am still mentally immature or I was more mentally mature at an early age, you'll have to decide.
4. HE'S A CUSHION –
Both physically and emotionally, a thick man will bring layers of comfort to your life. Not only does his soft body provide the best comfy, cuddle moments, but a thicker dude is willing to open his heart to romance and other relationship opportunities with less force. He realizes that he doesn’t have the ideal, gym body and he knows that you have looked beyond that fact to truly connect with him. As a result, your teddy bear wants nothing more than to make you feel as special and chosen as you have done for him.
I think this is actually a downfall of ours. We are more open to being open and open ourselves up to a relationship than others. Yes, we're open! Why be any other way? Well most of the time we are open and ready (no not desperate, well maybe a little) and that causes us a great amount of pain. Being someone that knows who they are and knowing if they are ready for a relationship before the other person is not always a good thing. We are usually honest and vocal about what we want so when our partners want something different or out, they have a hard time letting us honestly know which leads to more issues. I forgive you for your dishonesty (you know who you are).
5. UNDENIABLE SEX APPEAL –
Quite simply, the draw of a thick man is his plump, protective, physical shield. He isn’t toned, but his body shape is typically that of a traditional, alpha-male. Being in his presence can make his dates and other romantic partners feel safe, guarded and free…
I think people are more comfortable and relaxed around thick guys. But as for the sex appeal, I'm not sure I can elaborate on that since I am not a bear lover. Physical attraction is an important PART of a relationship. So 4 out of 5 of Xem's points I can agree with. After this article, shouldn't I consider changing my stripes?
Do you agree with Xem VanAdams and his points? Do you find dating bears to be different than dating other animals in the gay kingdom?
For more of Xem's descriptions of these 5 points and what he wrote after the … , go to his full blog entry here.
To have a bulkier, chubbier man on your arm is to exist in the company of someone who is going to take care of your emotional and physical needs, first. He isn’t going to make you feel insecure about your body, your interests or your unyielding desire to make the relationship last. A physically heavier man will embrace your desire to have him all to yourself, as he is just as committed to keeping you in his life for the long haul. Your attraction to him as a person will make you second guess why you ran after the conventional, tatted, bearded, gym bunny types for so long. And while your friends may taunt or tease you for now being a “chubby chaser”, I guarantee that seeing your happiness will have them all standing in line to secure a man of their own. – xemsays.com
Hailing from Baltimore, Maryland, Xem VanAdams is a writer, motivational speaker and nationally known online personality. Xem offers love, lifestyle and self-esteem advice through original articles posted to his XemSays.com website. Additionally, Xem presents a series of informational and entertaining videos recorded for his Youtube.com/XemVanAdams channel – conducting interviews and sharing human stories that resonate with the masses.
I’m of average build a little
I'm of average build a little hairy but my attraction is to bigger taller men. I haven't dated anyone very much like that. I don't go for Whig and lipstick. I dress casual and like the same from my bf. I unfortunately fall for the type I like only to find out there straight. I'll keep searching.
Oh look, more skinny shaming.
Oh look, more skinny shaming.
I understand that in our society lots of people unfairly judge bigger people, but I don't like that the solution is to do it right back. There is this new trend of looking down on people because of a number on a scale (oh he's a twink, he must be a bitch) People are people, people have preferences, NONE are greater or less than anyone.
The headline alone is nausea inducing. "Do men with thicker builds make better boyfriends?" As if someone's physical body has anything to do with being a better boyfriend.
And this is from someone who likes bigger guys.
I like the article. And I
I like the article. And I agree with it. But I find the comment section interesting. So many comments aren't even about the article, but about other comments. I'll stay with commenting about the article every time.
Thanks you for posting the
Thanks you for posting the article . It was great. I love the bear community. They are so friendly.
Meh. I’ve dated otters, cubs,
Meh. I've dated otters, cubs, bears, muscle guys, skinny twinks, hairy, not hairy… the ability to love and be loved and be a good date is NOT predicated on how you fucking look or your goddamned body fat%, the very idea should be insulting to anybody with a modicum of intelligence
“Gay community” is another
"Gay community" is another label we need to get rid of. We are not a community, we are people. "Community" suggests homogeneity and somehow distant from the whole society. We are not homogeneous people nor are we separate from society.
Wow, nothing like more self
Wow, nothing like more self segregating, more binary and labels. This is the type of thing that continues to plague our community leaving men alone, bitter, and depressed.
I actually think that the 'bear' community has become as bad, if not worse than the population they say they were once trying to not be like. What kind of bear are you? Even in this thread of comments questing for identity from cub to super chub to chaser. In general, all gay men regardless of size are are often alone, using sex as a vehicle for fulfilling loneliness and void, are not interacting face to face, are addicted to apps where once it were bars, are not emotionally solvent due to years of rejection and societal conditioning.
But all that aside, yes please Xem, please thrill us with more poor writing, generalizations of how the fat guy is "just as good" if not better the lover that the fit guy, because after all, this is what the internet needs.
Not sure if this article is
Not sure if this article is true, but a great read. I myself have always been thin, but I don't have a particular type. I have dated super thin guys and plump big guys. I care how they treat me, not so much their body type. But too each his own. 🙂
this was a great article. it
this was a great article. it's so true!
I am a kind superchub, intelligent, and very good in the kitchen and bedroom. i make videos for fun, and i am looking for my chaser
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8lcQJwOrjGkm8kgm-2YY1w
https://www.facebook.com/kyle.rylander.9
-brad
For Anyone Looking for a
For Anyone Looking for a Single Bear type Guy. I'm 48, 260 and Very Single. I live in Maine.
Profile is on Bear411.com/WoofyRandallBear
Hi Randy…. Â Â I’m Ernesto.
Hi Randy…. I'm Ernesto. I am also on Bear411.com/Ronin71
Say hi.
I need to know the name of
I need to know the name of the man in number 4. He is basically my ideal man. I must learn his name and stalk him. Lol.
Here you go.
Here you go.
Weightlifter Casey Burgener (son of the US Senior International Weightlifting Coach, Mike Burgener) has grown up into this big beefy model of bearish goodness. Good Lawd!
https://bearmythology.wordpress.com/tag/casey-burgener/
I am a 40 something superchub
I am a 40 something superchub that is attracted to college muscle twinks…so basically I will be alone forever. Lol
As long as they don’t have
As long as they don't have pointy tits then its all good.
My boyfriend is a little bit
My boyfriend is a little bit bigger and looks fantastic. Sharp mind, very comforting and caring. I agree with all these points. Most compassionate man I’ve ever met, I wouldn’t change a thing about his sexy bear appeal. I am 148 pounds mind you too.
You must not live in Texas or
You must not live in Texas or the South. I'm a slimmer guy who is attracted to men like me, and just about every guy I was into liked bigger men, so you might need new geography.
Being a chaser I love that
Being a chaser I love that most thick guys are attracted to guys like me. Everyone wins.
I love my big man
I love my big man
What an asinine article on so
What an asinine article on so many levels. Was this written as a joke? If this author is a real person and really thinks this way…I pity the fool. Again, there is so much wrong in this I wouldn't know where to begin. It's got to be a made up sensationalist piece for this site, right?
Of course your ignorant ass
Of course your ignorant ass would post up something like that.
Is ignorant the correct
Is ignorant the correct adjective ? I'm thinking opinionated.
Wait, am I ignorant or the
Wait, am I ignorant or the blogger I was quoting? My part wasn't made up.
I have a feeling you are
I have a feeling you are quite the cunt in person.
I wonder if lesbians bitch
I wonder if lesbians bitch and moan at each other as much as gay men do. Do they get their panties in a twist and criticize one another if one of them has a preference for a "butch female" or "lipstick lesbian?" Why don't you criticize me for not being attracted to women? Isn't that being negative against another human being? If love is love, why can't we love women? It's because we are attracted to men. Why are we attracted to men? Is it because they have testicles? End of story? We are all attracted to what we like. Unless you are one of those preachy guys that states "I don't see color or weight or masculinity or age." Please. If you don't recognize those features on people, all you are saying is you are not that observant. Apparently, I just need to check to see if they have testicles and start dating everyone. Be damned to what I may find externally sexy. I am as well not friends with many people that pretentiously vocalize they are colorblind, weight neutral, non-ageist. You can be that way, and that is great, but when it is your soap box, it sounds so fake. I have friends that are not sexually attracted to black men. Period. All said and done. Should I disown them as friends? Their black friends know they are not sexually attracted to them and still stick around. My female friends know I am not attracted to them and they stick around. But I just judged them on what they are physically and not emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. If my comments makes me a cunt, then I will wear the crown.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
I like husky guys like myself
I like husky guys like myself. Just haven't had much luck with finding any. I am on the lower end of husky maybe.
I love a thick guy… LOVE
I love a thick guy… LOVE LOVE LOVE!
Thank you!
Thank you!
Some of us waited years to hear/read that!
as a bigger guy i tend to be
Fuck the stereotypes. Fuck
Fuck the stereotypes. Fuck the body labels. Fuck what other people think.
Go find someone to love..and that loves you in return. Who gives a shit what they look like?
It's not rocket science guys. Keep it simple. Keep it real. Keep it to yourself.
Now..go love somebody already! =)
Amen.
Amen.
Them some wise words you got
Them some wise words you got there
16 years strong and still
16 years strong and still going… When you find each other don't let go
this entire story starts out
this entire story starts out with how the writer wants a chaser, and acts like everyone isn't the exact same way.
most every fatboy I know wants a chaser, and acting like being a fatboy who likes chasers is some kind of second class citizen is nonsense, in fact the complete polar opposite is true, most guys don't go fat-fat jock-jock chaser-chaser.
I'm actually a fatboy who likes fatboys, and I think being a fatboy who only likes chasers is completely hypocritical, you don't find your own body type attractive, why would you expect somebody else to find your body type attractive?
I think you and other bears
I think you and other bears like what they like. I like bears and bears chubs.would my life be a lot easier if I liked small twink guys? Probably.i get the most attention from twins in the gay scene.but I’m physically just attracted to bigger guys.i can’t really explain it. I absolutely adore big guys. So I can see good points of the article
I dont know about #3, cause I
I dont know about #3, cause I've met a few not exactly all there type.