Bradley Riches has a pretty powerful reason to keep a list of things he’s grateful for: he once wasn’t sure he would live long enough to experience any of them.
Content warning: This story discusses suicide, suicidal thoughts and a suicide attempt.
The Heartstopper and Emmerdale actor has revealed that he tried to end his life in 2020, opening up about the experience in an emotional post for Suicide Prevention Month. Rather than simply looking back at the darkest moment of his life, Riches chose to look at everything that came after it—including some very gay-pop-culture-important milestones.
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Riches admitted that sharing something this personal publicly still scares him. In the caption accompanying his post, he wrote: “💚 I will post this then two seconds delete it as I get scared. But I’m gonna post this and not look on my phone for a bit. Love you all x”
In the post itself, Riches explained that he is “always” nervous about talking publicly about his experiences.
“But I want to share this,” he wrote. “And hopefully don’t get scared and delete it.”
He said that in 2020, he “couldn’t see a life beyond that moment.”
“I didn’t know who I was, or whether things could ever feel different.”
But things did feel different. And Riches has been keeping track.
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The list started with the life he couldn’t see coming
Since that moment, Riches has maintained a list of experiences he would never have had if he had “given up that day.”
Some are huge life milestones. Others are wonderfully ordinary. Together, they paint a picture of a life that kept expanding in directions he couldn’t have predicted.
“I graduated.”
He spent six more Christmases with his family. He became obsessed with Sabrina Carpenter. He even gave a knowing nod to “that dance,” because apparently surviving long enough to develop a Sabrina Carpenter fixation is also part of the extended argument for staying.
He joined Emmerdale, something he described as a longtime dream.
From Emmerdale to the Big Brother house
Riches also appeared in three seasons and a film of a Netflix show, entered the Celebrity Big Brother house, made incredible new friends and wrote a bestselling book.
Bradley Riches was evicted in tonight’s Celebrity Big Brother 💔pic.twitter.com/qE2EgiWEsZ
— Queerly (@thisisqueerly) March 21, 2024
He went on a sold-out book tour, collected multiple awards and traveled to places he had never imagined seeing.
Then came the particularly lovely domestic chapters: two dogs, marriage and falling completely in love.
“And, importantly, I discovered a serious love for Aperol Spritzes and iced coffee.”
Honestly, the list goes on—and that’s precisely the point.
A life that once felt like it had stopped became a life filled with people, work, ridiculous little obsessions, major achievements and moments he couldn’t have known were waiting for him.
He couldn’t see Emmerdale, Celebrity Big Brother, the book, the awards, the travels, the dogs or the marriage from where he was standing in 2020. He couldn’t see the person he would eventually fall completely in love with.
He couldn’t see the Sabrina Carpenter obsession either, but we’re glad he got that plot twist.
Riches has one message for anyone who can’t see tomorrow
Riches’ message ultimately isn’t about pretending everything magically becomes perfect. It’s about refusing to assume that the worst moment gets to write the ending.
“There may be a moment where you genuinely can’t see a reason to stay,” he wrote. “I know that feeling. But please, stay for the things you haven’t experienced yet.”
He continued: “You are loved. You are important. Your story is not finished. I’m so, so glad I stayed… If you’re struggling, please tell someone. You don’t have to carry it alone.”
It’s a remarkably simple message, but Riches gives it weight because he is speaking from experience. The person he was in 2020 couldn’t see what was coming. His story had chapters left to write, even when he couldn’t imagine what those chapters would contain.
A reminder that September isn’t the only month that matters
Riches also pointed out that suicide prevention isn’t something that belongs to one month on the calendar.
“September is Suicide Prevention Month (it is a month but trying to stay is a whole year thing).”
That may be the heart of his entire post. Sometimes you don’t need to know exactly what the future holds. You just need to give it enough time to surprise you.
And if Riches’ list proves anything, it’s that the future can be surprisingly specific: a dream acting job, a bestselling book, new friends, Christmases with family, two dogs, falling in love—and, yes, an unexpected devotion to iced coffee and Aperol Spritzes.
If you’re struggling, please reach out
If Riches’ story resonates with you and you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, please tell someone and don’t carry it alone. You can contact a trusted friend or family member, a mental-health professional, a crisis hotline or emergency service.
Call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, which provides free and confidential support 24/7.
For LGBTQ+ people: The 988 Lifeline also provides support specifically for LGBTQ+ people, including LGBTQ+ youth and young adults.
If you are in immediate danger or have seriously injured yourself, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.
You don’t need to have the perfect words. Sometimes it can be as simple as: “I’m not okay and I need you to stay with me.”
And as Riches put it: “You are loved. You are important. Your story is not finished.”