As the world grows bigger and bigger thanks to the internet, parts of our lives make their way out onto the interwebs.
The ‘Dear Prudence’ advice column over at Slate received a question about how to handle the news that a new-ish boyfriend has shared his naked pics (and video) with what seemed like too many guys in the past.
The writer (male, 22) says he’s been dating his boo (male, 24) for five months and the bf recently shared that he’d sent his naked self to over 100 guys over the past few years before the couple got serious.
The bf says he’s since deleted the pics he received over the years and isn’t sharing pics anymore.
But the writer still finds the news unsettling as it bothers him that “1) so many people have seen such a sensitive part of him; 2) if he sent it to that many people, odds are that there is some content of him online and still in the hands of many people; and 3) these people still follow him on social media, know who I am from his posts, and know that we are together.”
Apparently, sending nude pics is a foreign dynamic for the advice seeker and doesn’t understand why his now-steady “would want to do that to so many, even when single.”
Scrolling on Twitter recently, the questioner saw a nude photo on Twitter, and it somehow came up that his boyfriend had exchanged pics with that guy. Color the 22yo officially freaked out.
The writer wonders how he can stay in the relationship without “being miserable and thinking about how many people his steady has sent nudes to?”
‘Prudence’ gets down to brass tacks in her response: “Before you and your boyfriend got serious, he was a single adult who enjoyed sharing photos of his body with other adults.”
Prudie acknowledges that new relationships can open up “fears and insecurities” for folks but reminds the young man that no one did anything wrong.
In that the number of people who have seen the boyfriend naked seems to bother the young man, Prudence asks, “What number of people that have seen him naked would have made you feel comfortable? What’s the correct number of people he should have sent nudes to?”
The final words of wisdom from Prudie encourage the young gay to communicate with his bf about his fears as well as finding “a way to let go of your desire to control his past.”
When I first met my husband many years ago, he shared some of his sexual history with me and it turned out he’d had much more experience than I.
I remember it kind of gave me pause at the time. I wondered if I might be too ‘vanilla’ or not adventurous/experienced enough for him.
This was back in the 1990s and I got over my concerns. Twenty-five years later, we’re very secure in our relationship, but I remember feeling those insecurities.
Today, with all our new-fangled technology and dating apps, sharing pics among gay men seems de rigueur.
What do you think, readers? Would it bother you to find out over 100 men had seen your guy naked? Or is this to be expected today? Let us know in the comment section.
(source: Slate – stock image via Depositphotos)
A guy I was seeing had the same exact problem. I had a life before him and I’m not concerned with how I lived and what I did. It’s just some pictures. Big deal. We have all done it. He became so enraged and jealous and even called me a slut. I could t get it to him that it was over 10 years ago. Needless to say I couldn’t deal with that and broke things off calling me a slut was the nail in the coffin. I can do jealousy or being held to a standard before we started dating not gonna happen!
My other half and I have been together for over 14 years, I am 16 years his senior- he understands I have had a more than full life – all I have to say is get over YOUR insecurities and move on – DON’T let someone’s past dictate your future.