He’s gay. She’s straight. They’re married. And somehow, people still seem to think they need to solve the equation.
Jacob Hoff, 32, and Samantha Greenstone, 39, aren’t presenting their marriage as a puzzle that needs an explanation. They’re simply two people who fell in love, built a life together, got married and now have a son. Their relationship may not fit neatly into the boxes we’re accustomed to, but that doesn’t make it any less real.
If anything, it makes their story rather lovely.
It Started With a Callback
Hoff and Greenstone are both actors, and their relationship began in a decidedly theatrical setting.
According to their interview with The New York Times, the two met while auditioning for Fiddler on the Roof. They both landed roles and gradually became close friends. Eventually, the friendship became something more complicated as they began confronting feelings neither had initially expected.
They made their relationship official in 2017.
Six years later, they were engaged. In 2024, they married. Now, in 2026, they’re raising a son together.
It sounds less like a relationship theory and more like, well, a life.
@samanthawynngreenstone Happy first father’s day to my wonderful husband @Jacob Hoff. I always knew you would be an amazing dad, but watching it first hand has reminded me just how much marrying you has been the single greatest decision of my life.
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“I Am Gay”
One of the things that makes Hoff and Greenstone’s relationship particularly interesting is how straightforward Hoff is about his sexuality.
Speaking to The New York Times, Hoff explained that identifying as gay doesn’t disappear simply because his relationship doesn’t conform to what people might expect from a gay man.
The couple has also been clear that their marriage isn’t a lavender marriage. There isn’t a secret arrangement designed to conceal their identities. According to Hoff, their relationship is monogamous and based on an emotional and spiritual connection that he considers deeper than conventional ideas of sexual attraction.
And yes, people on the internet have questions.
So, Is He Bisexual? Pansexual?
Apparently, this is one of the most frequently asked questions.
The answer from Hoff and Greenstone is consistent: no. Hoff identifies as gay.
@samanthawynngreenstone @Jacob Hoff explains his brain once again #mixedorientationmarriage #lavendermarriage
In one Instagram video, Hoff described Greenstone as the person to whom he is spiritually connected and called her his “soul partner.” He explained that their relationship includes attraction and intimacy, but that what they share exists on a different level from how people might traditionally understand sexuality.
And perhaps that’s where outsiders get stuck.
We’re accustomed to categories. Gay. Straight. Bi. Married. Single. Dating.
Put someone in the wrong combination of boxes and suddenly everyone wants to reach for a label maker.
@samanthawynngreenstone It IS about the label for @Jacob Hoff
Their Marriage Doesn’t Need Our Permission
Hoff and Greenstone don’t appear particularly interested in making their relationship fit someone else’s definition.
They answer questions from followers, talk openly about how their marriage works and share glimpses of their family life. They aren’t suggesting that every gay person should marry someone of another gender, nor are they presenting their relationship as a template.
@samanthawynngreenstone @Jacob Hoff
They’re simply showing that human relationships can be more complicated than the categories we use to describe them.
And perhaps that’s the most refreshing thing about their story.
Their marriage isn’t a spectacle.
It’s a marriage.
Two people chose each other, built a family and continue choosing each other.
Sometimes love doesn’t follow the rulebook because, really, there shouldn’t even be a rulebook.