George Santos: A Jack(ass) Of All Trades, A Master Of None

Oh George, what a pickle you’ve found yourself in. By now, I’m sure you’re all aware of the atrocities that George Santos has allegedly committed before his term and office and maybe even some as an official member of Congress. Ever since The New York Times first revealed in December of 2022 that the Republican from Long Island wasn’t quite who he said he was, the occasional dress-in-drag enthusiast has taken his constituents on an infuriating, yet comical government ride.


Today, on December 1, 2023, The House voted to expel 35-year-old Rep. George Santos in a 311-114 bipartisan vote — which makes him the sixth member of Congress in history to be expelled. But before his impending expulsion, Santos let his colleagues know that he would wear it like a “badge of honor”, and that he thought the Ethics Committee chairman was a “pussy.”

Now considering that Santos had previously defrauded the federal government for $24,000 in unemployment funds during the pandemic (allegedly), we doubt they’d be inclined to help him out on this go-round. So as a resident of New York City, just outside of the jurisdiction that George Santos represented — I compiled a list of jobs that I think would be suitable for the disgraced former Congressman, obviously once all of this is behind him.



Substitute Science Teacher

The Congressman who tends to embellish (just a smidge), just recently took to his social media to show off his science literacy. He wanted to give us a quick lesson on men, women and gender. The below post should at least qualify him to substitute teach, whenever an actual science teacher wants to use one of their sick days in a backwards red state, of course.



Mime Specialist

Considering how Mr. Santos is always all motion yet tight-lipped, when he’s confronted by reporters in the hallways of the U.S. Capitol building, he may be a natural at mime work. I’d bet my bottom dollar that we’d all be okay with never hearing from Santos ever again.


Accountability Coach

Despite the 23-count indictment that George faces (and continues to skirt around), he may just make a decent accountability coach. Pending the courts inevitably finding him guilty of the charges of course, which includes fraud, money laundering, theft of public funds, and falsified statements. But hindsight is 20/20, so who better to correct your wrongs and hold a mirror up to your face than the man who has allegedly committed just about every crime a member of congress could commit. I mean Jen Shah is now reportedly mentoring Elizabeth Holmes in prison, you never know.

Wikipedia Writer

Considering that George likes to rewrite history — did his family really die in the Holocaust or 9/11? What’s his religion? It has changed throughout his very short political career. Is he living check-to-check or is he rich? What’s for certain is, he’s a history revisionist. He should absolutely apply for a graveyard shift as a writer for Wikipedia. Don’t we all enjoy perusing Wikipedia on those sleepless nights? Why not get paid for it and just make shit up about people’s personal lives.


Assistant to the Assistant Volleyball Coach

I mean, Mr. Santos has stated that he attended Baruch College on a volleyball scholarship. He has even claimed that with his help, their team “slayed” Harvard and Yale. Now, I’m calling bullshit on this (Baruch did as well), but surely there’s a role for him on a volleyball team out there. Can’t wait to see Santos slay bitch slay — and cheering on his team.

Only Fans Content Curator

Listen, I get it — the pandemic was rough for a lot of us. And Only Fans did skyrocket during that time. Amateur adult content became so enticing to many of us. But whore-hey (aka George, or should I say hey whore), you can’t use campaign funds to purchase and subscribe to Only Fans content. But knowing that you are an official… connoisseur of amateur porn — you might know a thing or two about what the gworls may or may not like. You finessed your way into Congress, surely you can convince people to pay you to curate a good Rated-R experience. We’ll call you the Curator of Cock. And just so no one is confused, the “R” in Rated-R stands for Republican.


Director of a Drag Queen Mentor/Mentee Program

George has famously said that he is not a drag queen, he has just dressed in drag. According to Mama Ru, “we’re all born naked, the rest is drag.” So I’m slightly confused. But what I do know is, Santos looks good in a red lip hunny. So since he’s claiming that he’s not a drag queen, but he clearly knows a thing or two about serving fish or c*nt, he should consider running a drag mentoring program. After all, he is the Queen of creating new identities. I wonder what his drag name would be?

It’s times like this that truly makes me miss Wendy Williams live on air, she would’ve had a field day with this one! “Clap if you think this George Santos should go to jail.”

Source: NY Mag , Washington Post , Business Insider

1 thought on “George Santos: A Jack(ass) Of All Trades, A Master Of None”

  1. I always welcome gay representation with the exception of if the gay guy is a positive reflection and while I don’t hate him and think there are worse things Democrats and Republicans have done I mean all of them lie all the time, but it’s probably for the best he gets another job. I realize not all gay people think alike and I’m fine with that I actually like diversity of thought. Wish him & his husband well. I have no time to hate.


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