Guy Questions If ‘Manual Labor’ Gets Him Ghosted

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In The ‘Ask Daddy’ Advice Column, A Promiscuous Guy Reveals His Bedroom Antics Get Him Ghosted


Well, this is definitely an appropriate time to bring back Instinct After Dark because the content is more for those of us who are dipping and doing it (literally) in the night. While browsing through the popular LGBTQ advice column available via MetroSource, Ask Daddy, I came across a rather interesting article about ghosting (the act of not communicating with someone without any regard of their feelings or given reason) and orgasm that had me quite curious because… could this really be a reason that someone would ghost on a partner?!

According to MetroSource, a gay man named Declan is requesting some help. He describes himself as a total bottom who knows what he’s doing, but cannot find a top to truly please him enough to ejaculation. He believes this is the reason he keeps getting ghosted by his various sexual partners. Declan tells:


“I’m a bottom and I am good at what I do. The pleasure I get from it is amazing but I haven’t had a sexual partner make me ejaculate yet. I don’t know what it is. I definitely know I am at least 98% gay and I have had success with sex toys like Fleshlights and masturbators. But when it comes to bottoming, it’s like my front side switches off. There have been times where I feel like I have gotten there, but I haven’t. However I am always satisfied with the outcome when my top finishes. I have had guys ghost me because I couldn’t orgasm when we were intimate but I could by manual means. Do your think this should be a problem? Because I didn’t see it as one until guys stopped seeing me because of it.”


Advice columnist, Daddy, tells Declan that there is nothing wrong with him, since the best sex organ he can have is a good brain – and he has no problem getting off alone. But, therapy could be a good source as he may have intimacy issues. The columnist writes:


“I also know a lot of bottoms who put all their erotic energy into a top’s pleasure — and get all the sexual gratification they seek because they know they’re hot enough to make a top reach orgasm. Some bottoms even prefer to wear cages in bed so that not only can they not reach orgasm. They can’t even get erections, and that’s just the way they want it. I’m going to suggest that your real issue here is not sexual dysfunction, but trouble with being intimate. If you wanted to see a doctor, I’d recommend a therapist first. But it’s at least possible that one of them might be less unhappy with your performance in bed than your ability to be comfortable with him. Let the guys who ghost you go. Lean into the company of those who don’t care if you achieve blast-off. You might also consider seeing more patient men — especially those who regard sex as a way to connect rather than a way to get off.”


Talk about whoa! Right?! Call me selfish, but I never really participate in the act of getting my partner off. I’m there for a reason and it’s not because I need the comfort of a man at night… I need to get off, get out, and get on with my life. But, speaking of bottoms, as the columnist mentioned, I know loads (ha) of them who don’t care to get off as long as they achieve sexual pleasure from the top performing to perfection… and finishing. I feel like I’d ghost on someone more if they demanded reciprocation!

Are you more typical to ghost someone if they don’t complete the deed?


Writer’s Note: This is the opinion of one Instinct Magazine contributor and does not reflect the views of Instinct Magazine itself or fellow contributors.

H/T: MetroSource

6 thoughts on “Guy Questions If ‘Manual Labor’ Gets Him Ghosted”

  1. Therapy is not gonna do it and neither is a doctor. If your having sex with guys who look hot but there penis is not thick enuf to stimulate the prostate then your not gonna cum as a bottom. I have made all my bottom cum and they say to me because im so thick it milks them good.

  2. Wow @ admitting you don’t care about getting sex partners off.

    As the advice columnist says the letter writer really doesn’t know why he’s being ghosted. It’s not uncommon for a bottom to not achieve orgasm during sex, so I doubt that’s the issue. Maybe these guys were looking for one-off encounters or maybe there’s another issue the LW is unaware of.

  3. “Call me selfish, but I never really participate in the act of getting my partner off. I’m there for a reason and it’s not because I need the comfort of a man at night… I need to get off, get out, and get on with my life.”

    Wow, ok.

    As the advice columnist says the letter writer really doesn’t know why he’s being ghosted. It’s not uncommon for a bottom to not achieve orgasm during sex, so I doubt that’s the issue. Maybe these guys were looking for one-off encounters or maybe there’s another issue the LW is unaware of.

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