We need to take a break right now and address something that has gone long overlooked for some times. The masses have not been informed of a grave issue that is occurring right before our eyes that we can no longer ignore. We need to start a support group or some crowdfunding to ensure that this catastrophe finds an end soon. I’m talking about, of course, hockey players and their inability to find jeans that fit them because of their big asses.
ESPN recently published a tell-all article with some hockey professionals who share their struggles with finding the right pair of Levis that will fit over their thighs and glutes. It’s tragic!
For those who watch hockey, you must be aware that years of training to control the puck on skates creates an enviable booty and legs that results in having to spend thousands of dollars on custom pants because you just can’t find a good bottom.
Connor McDavid from the Canadian team Edmonton Oilers shared with ESPN:
Can it be hard for me to find pants? Yes, always. The waist, you need to get around your thighs and butt, but that doesn't always match how tall you are. I definitely have a hard time finding jeans that fit.
Montreal Canadiens center Max Domi also shares that countless hours of shopping results in very little findings for him because his proportions are off:
It's an absolute nightmare between the quads and the glutes. The glutes especially, because it just throws off your waist. You have, like, a 48 waist with your ass, but without it, you're a 32. So what do you do? Meet halfway, and you still have all this extra stuff.
So if you’re a hockey player you can forget about getting on trend with ‘Skinny’ jeans, because for your booty there will be no such thing.
Players who have an especially hard time finding pants that fit them have resorted to buying brands like Paige denim, which is a bit stretchier for all the junk in the trunk. Each pair of jeans averages about $199. Others go for brands like Heritage 34 or Diesel, which tend to be more ‘forgiving’ of the hips. Regardless, once a player has found a pair that works, they tend to order 10-12 pairs so they last.
That’s a lot of backchecking—even off the ice!
The thick bottom syndrome doesn’t just affect hockey players. Weightlifters, cross-fitters, downhill skiers, and speed skaters all seem to have similar issues finding pants.
Now we know why there can be so much animosity on the ice.