Huge Age Difference In Romantic Relationship. Yay or Nay?

EGOT winner and moderator of The View Whoopi Goldberg recently got surprisingly candid. On the October 8th episode of the show, known for having different women from different backgrounds discuss, or rather scream and yell at each other, wait Meghann McCain is gone, so yes, discuss the day’s Hot Topics. The topic up for debate this day? Dating someone that was much younger. The Ghost actress, 65, for which she won the Academy award, quickly spoke up with a slightly ambiguous read-between- the -lines answer,  

“It depends on my mood because it’s about the person. Sometimes you meet somebody who is younger than you and…look it would be perfect if everybody was well-matched and well put together, but they’re not. And you find it, and it may last a long time or it may not.”

She continued, getting more specific when discussing her own experiences,

“Let me tell you why I stopped doing lots of things with younger folks, I went out with a younger dude and he said, ‘I cant believe this,’ I said ‘What are you talking about?” He said, ‘I did not know that Paul McCartney had anothe band.’ And you kind of go, ‘The Beatles?’ You have never heard of The Beatles. ‘No’ he said.”

Sounds like the Gay Gasp made by gay baby boomers when a Gen Z gayby has no idea who Judy Garland is! So does Whoopi’s feelings echo the feelings of gay men? Obviously, all gays are not made the same and all don’t have the same experiences, but GENERALLY speaking, I don’t think she does. 

I think that with two gay men there are other factors to consider. First of all, they automatically share the common denominator of being gay. A hetero couple does not have that same starting point. As they were called way back when – May December romances – seem to be more common in the queer community. Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black have a 20 year age difference. Matt Bomer and his husband, Simon Hall, 14 years. And don’t forget lesbian power couple Sarah Paulson and Holland Taylor, 32 years difference. 

Lynden, 50, and Noah, 25 have been together for three years. Meeting in passing at a gay bar they exchanged numbers and vowed to ‘keep in touch.’ A relationship grew organically once they began texting and FaceTiming. After a year of long-distance dating, Noah moved from NYC to Washington DC, where he and Lynden have been living together. I asked each of them about the benefits of the age difference in their relationship,

on the benefits of dating older,

“I love the life experience that comes from someone older than myself. I’m someone who appreciates the opportunity to learn and I think it’s fascinating to hear stories and experiences that differ from my own. I also find it comforting that whatever in my life I may be going through, they likely will have had similiar experiences. I can learn from their experiences and apply the knowledge to my own and not feel as though every situation is a totally new one to handle, even if it’s new to me.” – Noah, 25

on the benefits of dating younger,

“It’s exciting getting to do things with someone when they’re experiencing something for the first time. It reminds me to appreciate all that life has to offer. When you’re older, it’s easy to take life’s experiences for granted and feel jaded. But with dating someone younger, you’re reminded of the enjoyment and excitement and are able to share those moments.” – Lynden, 50

Tom Ford and his husband, Richard Buckley were together 35 years before Buckley passed away last month after a long illness. The couple was separated in age by 14 years. Ford spoke to Vogue UK in 2016 about how the longevity in their relationship, 

“First of all, you have to respect each other. If the person you are with is someone you respect who you believe has a great heart and a great soul – as good a heart and soul as you will ever find – don’t ever leave them, because you won’t find anyone better. So even if you have an argument or fight or there are moments – even years- that can be tough, stick it out, work it out – as long as it is someone you respect or admire and you are are kindred spirits – because you won’t find a better one. HOLD ON!”

Peter, 56, and his husband, Mark, 31 have been together eight years. Peter, originally from the West Coast but has been a New York City resident for over 4 decades has a lighter take on their over 20 year age difference, 

“The difference in what’s considered “pressing” can be considerable, especially in terms of phone app usage vs. getting stuff done. Also the importance of socializing in person, even if it’s just work related, for your mental health.” – Peter, 56

Goldberg closed the discussion with some final thoughts on the subject,

“So you have to know when you’re going younger, there’s a lot of information that you have to impart. And sometimes it’s tiring. But then there’s the other way where you’re like, ‘Yeah, you’re younger, but you look good! Yeah, you’re alright.’ So you never know.”  








So what do you think Instincters, is age just a number? Do you prefer to date someone your own age? Have you ever had a long term relationship where there was a significant age difference between you and your partner? Sound off in the comments below! And HAPPY WEEKEND!

(**this post is solely the opinion of this contributing writer and may not reflect the opinion of other writers, staff or owners of Instinct Magazine.)

Sources – Buzzfeed, Vogue UK

5 thoughts on “Huge Age Difference In Romantic Relationship. Yay or Nay?”

  1. Of course it’s fine for freely consenting people over the legal age of consent to date or marry another person who is also over the legal age of consent, and it’s no-one’s business but the couple’s.

    My grandparents were over 20 years apart in age, and remained married for over 50 years until my grandfather’s death aged 94. Moreover, all the siblings of both my paternal grandparents had marriages with similar or greater age gaps, and every one of them remained married to the same person for life. Fast forward a generation, and all the marriages of their children were to someone of a similar age, yet all failed within the first decade. I can’t speak for anyone else, but no-one batted an eyelid at the age difference to my knowledge – it seemed to be the norm.

    Similarly, a great many younger gay men prefer older men – something I didn’t find out until I myself had become an older man.

  2. My partner is 34 years younger than me. I’m 69 (yay!) and he’s 35. We’ve been partners for 2 years. It’s lovely because we have so much in common- music, passions (we both love cooking, cuddling, love making, and more). I respect his position in life and he respects mine. Our friends range from mid 20’s to late 60’s. We’re both socially active but also enjoy and value our personal time together.

  3. I am 60. My fiancé is 31. Yes, I am old enough to be his father, I am aware of that. He presents older, I seem younger. We have so much in common that the difference is unimportant to us. We have known each other for almost two years and have built a great bond. It has nothing to do with father/son issues at all. The heart wants what the heart wants.

  4. As long as both parties are at least 18, I am going to go with “Love is love.” Good luck to any couple, age gap or not, who can make it work!


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