‘I Would Like To Teach My Children To Accept Peoples True Selves’

photo credits//chicago sun times//the atlantic

Dear Abby, the nationally syndicated advice column started in 1956, just received a letter from a woman about to marry a homophobe. Seems the woman just found out after six years about how her soon-to-be-husband felt. Take a look at the letter below:

Dear Abby, about a year ago, my fiancee of six years revealed that he doesn’t think homosexuality is normal or right. I was shocked because he had never mentioned it before, nor did I see any signs that he thought that way. We’ve gone to Pride celebrations, and we both have gay relatives and friends.

When we discuss how we will raise our children, it always winds up in an argument. He doesn’t want our future children to be influenced by gay people on TV and doesn’t want me to “encourage” it. He did say that, after the child turns 18, he would accept what they “choose.” I would like to teach my children to accept people’s true selves.

I have tried reasoning with him and using logic as to why there’s nothing wrong with gay people and begged him to think about it from their perspective. Nothing I can say changes his mind. He was raised by a very “macho” father who thinks the same way. What should I do? Do you think a marriage would survive this kind of disagreement? Would therapy help? — MORE ACCEPTING IN CALIFORNIA


Dear Abby, is the penname of Jeanne Phillips, who took over the advice column from her mother Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby has long been a champion for the queer community. Many credit her as one of the first celebrities to publicly speak out in support of gay rights. Here she continues her support and in no uncertain terms tells this woman, “For your sake and theirs, get to the core of what is going on with this man, and decide what to do accordingly.” Take a look at her reply, 

DEAR MORE ACCEPTING: Be glad your fiance has been honest with you about this — even if it’s five years late. One would think that having gay friends and a gay relative would have shown him that sexual orientation isn’t something a person “chooses.” Gay people can no more help being attracted to members of the same sex than straight people can help being attracted to people of the opposite sex.

Therapy can be helpful and provide valuable insight to individuals who are willing to admit they need it. I hope your fiance will consider this. Children come out much earlier today than in years past, and it’s important they feel safe doing it. Being forced to wait longer could cause damage that lasts a lifetime. For your sake and theirs, get to the core of what is going on with this man, and decide what to do accordingly.

There are so many things we like about this response from reiterating sexual orientation isn’t a choice to suggesting therapy for the intended groom. We especially like how she ends the letter focusing on the the children that might come from this union. Dear Abby wants those children to feel safe coming out at any age they want. We thank Dear Abby once again for standing up for the queer community. 

Twitter seems to agree that Dear Abby is an Ally with a capital A!



Sources: Kenosha News

1 thought on “‘I Would Like To Teach My Children To Accept Peoples True Selves’”

  1. My bestfriend divorced her husband after her son came out as gay to her. Her husband said he would never support him and he disowned him as his son.


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