Two questions porn stars get asked all the time is the following: how hard is it to date and is sex different on camera compared to off.
Wesley Woods, who has emerged as one of the biggest gay porn stars in the world over the past decade (he’s won a slew of awards including Performer of the Year a bunch of times) is here to set the record straight on both aspects in my exclusive with him for Instinct Magazine.
Check out the surprising answers this Texas native has to say on both that could easily break down the stereotypes he and many others face on a daily basis.
Do you find it hard to date when you are a world-famous porn star?
Dating is hard for everyone, regardless of your profession. Sure, there’s a different set of obstacles you encounter when dating me- friends and family’s concerns, society’s views on sex and sex workers and a plethora of other emotional triggers that may arise at any point during the relationship due to my line of work.
I’m aware of these and more than capable and willing to vulnerably communicate whatever issues may arise around my work when I’m interested in someone-I have nothing to hide and their sense of security is my priority.
On the flip side, I’m very comfortable, confident and happy with my life and I’m also very aware and understand the value I bring to a relationship. I like guys who are grounded and happy with life, who live boldly, confidently and compassionately.
I’m no longer living a life where I feel the need and/or pressure to be in a relationship. It had even gotten to the point where I had to remind myself that people do look and/or want to be in a relationship. My intimacy levels shifted after being assaulted in West Hollywood a year ago and with life, my profession and the constant traveling my ability to connect and disconnect had been impacted. Life happens, things happen. Deaths, breakups, incidents throughout our lives, growth (hopefully), past relationships (both intimate and personal) all effect how we show up for others and most importantly, ourselves.
If we are dating, you must see me- all of me, you’re not dating, “Wesley” you’re dating and falling for the person behind the persona- the son, brother, uncle and small-town Texas boy that is still very much me!
When you approach a guy, is it usually online or in person?
Luckily I’ve gotten to a place where I don’t feel the need to have to pick and choose how/when/where/why, I just do. I’m also very fortunate to have the possibility of dating however I choose- there’s still people being murdered for who they choose to fuck or love. The fight is far from over.
If I’m interested in someone, I show it- by words, actions, gifts or the time spent together. I enjoy the thrill and rush of meeting someone in person, but I’m not going to limit myself to the possibilities of where I might meet someone. Maybe I’ll have a Grindr success love story!
Does it bother you if they are a fan first before being a possible boyfriend?
There’s very little that bothers me, except my IBS and even that I’ve learned to live with and have accepted.
Someone being a fan beforehand isn’t a turnoff or deterrent- Hell, if I’m interested in them, obviously I’m a fan and they better be of me, too! That being said- the persona is part of me, not the whole. You have to get past the, in your face, sex positive, loudmouth Texan and also see the other side of me- my intimate space reserved for those I love and those I can trust.
Are you sexually different in real life compared to your porn one?
Absolutely! Porn is a production of sex, it is monetized, it is work. I show up, regardless of how I’m feeling emotionally, mentally and physically that day and do what’s needed to produce content that I’m proud of, or try my best to do so! My persona pushes me outside of my comfort zone and in doing so, I feel more comfortable within my own skin, who I truly am.
Let’s dig deeper into that. What’s the biggest difference between both worlds?
Money, chemistry, connection.
I’m paid to present chemistry and connection on screen (and I’m pretty damn good at it)! I’m no more confident in my body than anyone else, I’ve just gotten to a level of comfortableness that allows me to use my body as a tool.
We all use our body’s in some way, shape or form to work- I’ve just taken it a different route than most and that’s because I’m comfortable doing so- I was always highly uncomfortable sitting in a chair at a desk, my back would constantly hurt. Now, when my back hurts, I feel I am being compensated fairly for it.
Do you find other men in your industry have a hard time finding that switch between on camera and off?
I can’t speak to others experiences, I have no clue what they are doing away from the video cameras. I’m personally constantly working on self-growth, self-love and expression. I have struggled with self-identity through the years and I think it’s very important to speak with someone while embarking on life’s journey, regardless of your work. I’m so fortunate to have my family constantly there to offer their love and support to me in all that I choose to be and do. I also take the proper steps to ensure I’m bettering my soul- talking to a therapist, meditation and other spiritual practices.
At the end of the day, we are all people- the struggle is real, but the rewards of fighting through your own personal struggle is worth it, you are worth it.
Do you find it hard to not make every aspect of your life about sex when sex is such a large part of your day to day?
I don’t find it hard. It’s quite easy to show up differently because it has become my job to perform sex and arousal. I find that it is hard for others to recognize that I might be something other than sexual, or they aren’t willing to think of me in those terms because it ruins the fantasy, the connection I’m trying to create. I say connection because the sex industry doesn’t actually sell sex- but every other industry uses sex as a means to sell something. A sexy dress, sexy car, sexy house, shoes, hairstyles, lifestyles, etc all sell this idea of sex appeal. But as a performer I’m selling connection- can you connect, feel and/or see yourself in me and/or what I’m doing? That’s my job.
I love sex- the itch to be seen as sexy or hot has been scratched and because of that I’m able to connect differently to someone I’m interested in dating. Sex is a small slice of the pie in a relationship, important, but small. I want someone who recognizes all that life and love has to offer, my confidant and best friend to explore, laugh, love and live a life with!
Lastly, what does the future hold for you and is there anything you are super excited about right now that our readers can know about?
I’m very excited about a few projects I have in the works- connect with me via social media to stay up to date on all things Wesley.
For more information on Wesley, head over to Wesley Woods’ Instagram.
Perhaps if you looked at yourself and became comfortable with who you really are you’d be less of a bitch and more understanding of the way people are.
Personally I believe that I’m an amazing guy, others don;t, but do i give a shit, no way jose.
Is he back to gay now? He went from obnoxious gold star gay to the even more obnoxious super woke sexually fluid “love has no gender” twitter troll in the last few months. He responded to questions on twitter about his foray into bisexual porn with lame jokes about that finally winning the approval of his father who was right all along that being gay was only a phase (as the commenter above noted he was even worse at comedy than porn). No one cared about his private life until he made it an issue and he seems to cynically invoke or deny a gay identity when it suits him – for sympathy when he was supposedly gay bashed – while at other times rejecting it as some narrow minded limitation that he has overcome when he thinks it will make his performance in bisexual porn more convincing.
I guess this “interview” was meant to address that issue but why avoid the elephant in the room? Wesley seems to think he is so sexually talented that his performance can be completely divorced from desire, chemistry or even orientation but I think he over estimates his prowess.
Maybe he (and probably most of us) should just stay off twitter….
OH M, do IY detect a note of jealousy there?
He failed in Oklahoma, Chicago Las Vegas and as a “comedienne”. Porn is the only thing he has succeeded at in life and he still thinks he can make it in mainstream Hollywood. He didn’t want to do the legwork to have a career in the entertainment industry (think taking improv and acting classes, low paying comedy gigs etc…) so he went for the quick and easy way to get some semblance of fame.
In other words this interview another one of his phony and self serving piles of garbage.