As my parents get older, we've talked about what to do when the time comes for care, when they cannot live on their own, or if one of them passes away before the other. My mother, who took care of her father-in-law for 4 years in her home as he suffered from dementia, and now is dealing with her mother suffering from dementia and living in assisted living, told us all, "when it comes time, just put me in a home." It's not an easy topic.
Recently, I've been thinking, who am I going to have this conversation with? I am single, no kids, no partner. I have friends, sisters, brothers, nieces, and nephews. Will they take the burden on of my care? Or will I have to be proactive and plan all of this well ahead of time. Can I plan for this on my own?
Yes, silly me. I'm 42. That's a ways away, right? One never knows. But when it comes time, may it be next year or 40 years from now, will I be safe and secure and will I be treated differently because of my sexuality?
A lawsuit filed Wednesday against a Niles senior living facility alleges staff at the agency did nothing to help a 68-year-old lesbian resident who endured physical and verbal harassment by other residents at the facility on the basis of her sexual orientation.
The suit was filed in the U.S. District Court in Chicago by Lambda Legal on behalf of Marsha Wetzel against Glen Saint Andrew Living Community and its administrators.
Wetzel moved into the facility in November 2014 following the death of her partner of 30 years, Judy Kahn, according to the suit. The complaint alleges that Wetzel, who currently resides at Glen Saint Andrew, was subjected to "persistent verbal harassment, threats, intimidation and three separate assaults, at the hands of other residents" and called "countless homophobic slurs" in addition to being physically injured by other residents because she had a longtime relationship with another woman.
Wetzel complained about the harassment to several administrators, including executive director Alyssa Flavin, and other staff members and residents witnessed and reported the incidents as well, according to the complaint.
The suit alleges the administrators took "no meaningful action to stop the harassment, but instead have marginalized and alienated (Wetzel) and retaliated against her for complaining about the harassment."
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Wetzel, who said she's always been open about her sexuality, said she moved to the facility because she needed a place to live.
"I'm disabled. I wanted to be comfortable and Glen St. Andrew fit the bill. I came here to be comfortable and not harassed because I'm gay," she said. Wetzel said she feels unsafe living at the facility and unprotected by its administrators.
Loewy said the suit seeks to put an end to the alleged discrimination and force the senior living facility to implement policies and train its staff members to ensure Wetzel and any other LGBT seniors living at the facility are shielded from harassment and assault in the future. She said the complaint also seeks damages on Wetzel's behalf for the year and a half of stress, anxiety and fear she's endured.
"This is my home and the administration doesn't protect me. They make me feel like a ghost, like vapor, like I don't exist," Wetzel said.
To read more about this lawsuit, head on over to the chicagotribune.com.
Do you worry about when you get older and need assistance?
Gay retirement homes are out there if you are able to get in and afford them. Is that where we will all end up?
Or do we need to make sure existing establishments care for every senior equally?
h/t: chicagotribune.com and freelance writer Lee V. Gaines.
Photo from "Live-In Male Helpers To Take Care Of Elderly Men"