Do you take offense to this shirt? Should we? The article below from Mic.com states that this shirt and this saying shows that the gay community is "sexist, racist, and discriminatory AF." Well no shit, Sherlock. We know that men have preferences. Have you ever talked to your friends about yours? I am shocked at how many of my friends do not find black men sexually attractive. SHOCKED! But I am not going around calling them racist, but apparently I should? Here in Florida, we see a ton of no whites, no blacks, prefer dark skin, just brothas. Are we coddling the fats and fems more than the other groups?
Getting back to the shirt, I guess my issue is … well I don't really have an issue with this shirt at all. I guess it may be from riding my bike as a child with no helmet or sitting on my mother's lap in for the entire duration of a 1200 mile family road trip. Or could it be that my car doesn't have air bags or anti lock brakes? Or the fact that, because of my weight, I was picked on constantly and called cupcake and fatty on the school bus throughout my entire childhood. Why are we becoming so fricken p.c. now? Why are we a society that needs to coddle those that are feeling threatened all the time. Why are we jumping to protect people when there is no threat there to begin with? Why are we crying over this shirt? Did our skin become so sensitive and thin that we cannot believe someone would put their sexual preference on a shirt? We are a community that wraps everything in a Rainbow to show that we are in favor of something a little different than the rest of society.
Heaven forbid if we ever sang along to either Sir Mix A Lot's "Baby Got Back" or Nicki Minaj' "Anaconda." Anyone remember "Short Dick Man" from 20 Fingers? Speaking of body issues due to popular sayings. You better have a big ass if you want to sleep with a man and if you're a man, you better have a big dick. After hearing Drake's, Lil Wayne's and Minaj's "Truffle Butter" song, did you ever look up the definition of Truffle Butter? Looks like the ladies better like anal sex if you're going to sleep with those boys.
I'm a fat man. At one point, I was down to a 30 inch waist and a 48 inch chest, but that was when I only had one job back in the early '00s. I've always been a bigger guy besides that. Since moving to Florida about 3 years ago, I've put on a bad 40 lbs and am about 250 right now and have a 40 inch waist. I realize when I go onto Grindr and Scruff that I will not be found attractive by 95% of the men on those sites. AND I'M FINE WITH THAT. If they put no fats in their profile, or put that they are into fit men or not into overweight guys, I understand that and move on. Thank goodness they put that in there at least so I don't waste my time hitting them up. I don't see a difference in saying "no fats" or "just into fit men." If you have the time and the energy to be ridiculing men on Grindr, etc., about how they express and word their sexual preferences, then just shut your phone off and watch PBS.
So now that I've expressed my most likely not well accepted opinion, here's the article from Mic.com that I mentioned. This will probably resonate better with most of you.
Online retailer Marek + Richard, which makes a "wide range of rad gear" including jockstraps, tanks and snapback hats marketed to gay men, debuted a new tank top recently that rubbed a few online users the wrong way.
The tank in question is a simple black tank that says "No Fats No Fems." Marek + Richard did not immediately reply to a request for comment.
"No Fats No Fems" is a now-ubiquitous phrase on gay hookup apps like Grindr that means a person is not looking to hook up with men of size or feminine men. There's even a forthcoming documentary addressing the short phrase and what it means for gay men in terms of culture and identity.
There is no doubt the shirt is discriminatory — its intention is to separate those you want to sleep with (thin, masculine) with those you don't (fat, feminine). And while having preferences against fat or feminine men may seem innocuous enough, putting it on a shirt or even on an app profile speaks to a larger truth about the gay community: We're sexist, racist and discriminatory AF.
Here's proof: One 2012 study in the journal Body Image showed that, when it comes to short-term relationships, gay men prize lean, muscular builds the most. And that's a problem. In 2005, researchers found that being gay alone is a risk factor for men to develop eating disorders due to pressures to be thin.
The media only amplify these messages. A 2011 study found that the models in gay-centric magazines were both thinner and more muscular than the men in magazines like GQ. Images like these reinforce the importance of a thin, muscular physique. And they work: Several studies prove that gay men on average have lower body mass indexes than straight men.
The other problem is that, for many gay men, muscularity equals masculinity — which is often prized in the community. The study "Reported Effects of Masculine Ideals on Gay Men" showed that gay men often feel "psychological distress" if they cannot be masculine enough for the gay community. As Michael Kimmel wrote in Guyland, "Men perform their masculinity for other men, who are the ultimate judges of it."
On the other end of the spectrum, fats and fems are linked because gay men of size are thought to have feminized bodies — due to their larger hips, breasts and butts, Jason Whitesel wrote in his book Fat Gay Men.
"In the case of big men, fat amounts to degradable femininity," Whitesel wrote.
And, while the tank and the phrase "No fats no fems" does not sound like it would have racist implications, it actually does. A study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that gay men associate Asian men with being feminine bottoms, while black men are aggressive, masculine tops.
So it's not just a simple black tank with a phrase. Clearly, its implications are far-reaching and play into ill-conceived notions about gender, sexuality and race. There are a lot of steps we need to make toward correcting these attitudes, and an easy first move is to reject the message on this shirt.
April 28, 2:22 p.m.: After this story was published, Marek + Richard addressed the tank top and online response to it with a tweet. The tweet claimed the shirt was satirical. – mic.com
No fats, no fems. If someone has that on their profile and you are one of those, JUST MOVE THE FUCK ON. There are so many more fish in the sea. Let me repeat. There are so many more fish in the sea. How many dating apps are out there? And how many men are on them? If they are looking to date and they do not like those societal labels on their mate and they are written all over you, they are not worth your time. Shouldn't you be thanking them for their honesty about what they like which in turn doesn't waste your time in trying to meet them? I know darn well when you're criticizing one guy for having the "no fats, no fem" phrase in his profile, you're passing by the next guy because his nipples are too big or he has odd shaped ears. Is he cross eyed? Why did he shave his chest like that?
If straight men had a shirt that said "no fats, no butch girls", would that be as bad? What if lesbians had a shirt that said "no u-hauls, no cats"? Okay, that last one was funny.
As a fat man, I do not bat an eye at the no fats, no fems saying. I know what I am and who I am. Once you let someone else define your happiness, you have given them power over your life. So if someone has a preconceived notion about what someone like you may be like, they share it for the world to see, you have to ask yourself, does it really matter what they think? And if it does, then you have let them have power over you and how you feel about yourself.
The phrase I see in profiles that really bothers me is "if you're … , step to the front of the line." What sexual moron is forming a line at his front door using Grindr candidates? Wear the damn tank top, but if I have to wait in line, there had better be plenty of protection being used. And would I want to wait in line? Won't you be tired and used by the time I get there?
Getting back to the shirt. Would I feel differently if it did say "No Blacks, No Asians"? What if it said "No Whites"? I guess that is a different blog.
Of course, these are my views as a blogger, not a reporter, not Instinct Magazine.