I Tried No Nut November and Failed Miserably: Here’s My Journey

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Experiments can be super fun to do depending on what the subject is. No Nut November is nut, I mean not, one of them.

I’ve known about No Shave November for years as its purpose is to raise awareness for testicular cancer. It’s something I participate in every year for that reason and because I tend to think I look better with a fuller beard. Also COVID has kind of made it impossible to get my facial hair trimmed from a professional due to all the problems it continue to cause as of late but I digress…

No Nut November was something I just found out about last month. For those who are unaware it’s an annual event that encourages men to not jerk off for thirty days straight. 

It’s something that initially I found fascinating. It made me think of the Josh Hartnett movie 40 Days and 40 Nights where he had to go the distance for that length of time without sex or getting in a good wank.

I figured I’d be game enough to see if I could actually accomplish something this difficult. Masturbation took over for many during COVID as we were avoiding sexual interactions with another person or person(s) especially towards the beginning of this pandemic.

So on November 1st I decided to do this full throttle and go cold turkey on something that was a once or twice a day ritual beforehand. 

And I actually kept a daily journal in a notebook that is to the left of my computer right now. So, without further ado, here’s how my journey went and the moment I lost control.

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November 1st: “OK this is easy. Day one. You can’t do this and quit hours in. How pathetic would that be? Also its Sunday, the lord’s day. She would be disappointed in you for starting something and bailing. Wait why am I talking about God like this? I’m going to bed.” 

November 2nd: “I am doing everything I can to not look at the bookmarks on my phone nor any sexy images of guys on INstagram. So instead, I’ll just watch a marathon of Great British Bake Off. How wholesome is this! That Paul Hollywood is quite the stud. Wait…”.

November 3rd: “Still going strong although at this point I think my peen is super confused over why there hasn’t been a grappling match with it and my hand for four days. Today was super exhausting anyways so even if I wanted to I don’t have the effort. Thank god I’m in my 30’s and not in my late teen years so I can get away with saying that.”

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November 4th: “Traveled all day today. Election news is taking over. Once again, tiredness plus fatigue from all this Biden/Trump stuff has left me not in the mood. Proud that I’ve made it this far.”

November 5th: “My Scruff/Grindr would not stop going off today. This is what happens when you’re in a new city as you’re fresh meat. And there’s so much delicious meat available within a 1,000 foot distance. Also I feel like those bookmarks on my phone are texting me and saying, “WHERE YOU AT? CLICK ME.” Ugh!

November 6th: “Traveling took 7 hours. Nope. Not even thinking about that release. OK kind of thinking about it but my pillows say otherwise. Night.”

November 7th: “I had zero plans today. Zero. Now I’m starting to lose my s**t because there’s only so much Netflix and Hulu I can watch before getting distracted. I don’t think I can make it another day.”

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November 8: “Someone has a voodoo doll with my face on it I swear. Today I walked by a group of guys playing basketball where NONE OF THEM were wearing underwear. They knew what the f**k they were doing and I fell for it. Now I’m trying to erase the images in my head like the memory of a dumb ex-boyfriend. Help… HELP!”

November 9: “Food has become my coping mechanism. I’ve developed a strategy that whenever I feel horny I try to eat to pass the time. Granted, I’m shoving my face with phallic products like DIng Dings (not kidding) but its at least giving me a different kind of rush compared to the one I really want.”

November 10: “I surrender. I’m done. I couldn’t make it. I reached my breaking point. That breaking point was simply shifting my guy from one side to the next and it got instantly hard. And I didn’t want to walk around or lay down with it shining bright like a diamond. So I made that diamond shoot stars. Fin.”

I made it ten days without nutting. Perhaps my version can be No Nut November: The Starter Kit? I give anyone who has completed this a ton of respect as it was impossible for me to master my own domain.  

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