‘Pseudo-Bottom’ Threatens To Criminalize Canceling Hook-Ups

(screen captures via Twitter)

Twitter-user “’Top Guy’ FloralAndy” is a marketing executive based in Philadelphia who, as his screen name implies, is mostly a ‘top guy.’

But after a packed schedule of business trips, said ‘top guy’ woke up recently feeling ‘a little pent up’ and decided he wanted to hook up BUT wanted to be on the receiving end of ‘business.’


“When I woke up this morning, something just hit different, or rather I wanted to be hit different,” he explained in a Twitter video that has gone viral. “So I made a bold and daring move, and after eating an omelet with a lot of cheese for brunch, decided that I wanted to bottom.”

Of course, as we all know, with that decision comes some preparation.

“So, I found someone who committed like a responsible adult to coming over later and I spent a ton of time in HERE (camera swoops to the toilet).”

“I was also considerate and lit a candle,” explaining how he took the time to set the mood. “And then I was also considerate and made my f**king bed which I never do!” 

Proof of being considerate (screen captures)

“And then I laid out a towel – WHICH I NEVER DO because I’m not a very considerate person – and all of a sudden wanting to bottom makes me nice, and then…”

Wait for it…

“He f**king CANCELLED.”


“I swear to god, I’m going to run for public office and I’m going to make this s**t illegal,” said our newly-enlightened hero. “I’m going to criminalize it! I’ve never once canceled on someone and I’m very proud of that.”

He closed his rant with a proud declaration: “And you better bet your a** that I revenge-ate some tacos like a good pseudo-bottom.”

And scene.

‘Mr. Mostly Top’ told Pink News that he has “hypothetically known that the process is time-consuming and somewhat emotionally draining: taking Imodium hours earlier, starting other prep hours earlier, showering, cleaning, lighting a candle, then losing hope and getting progressively angrier as the clock ticks.”


He also shared that the would-be top eventually texted him (after said taco revenge) to say he had an “unforeseen roommate dispute and am no longer available.”

In any case, Andy shares that the experience has truly helped him to better understand the plight of bottoms everywhere.

“I stand in solidarity with bottoms now more than ever,” he proudly told Pink News. “Tops should be more considerate in their bookings – being an upfront adult can save everyone a lot of time and emotional energy.”

At this writing, the video has over 588,000 views on Twitter in less than a day and the tweet has received over 35,000 Likes.


For the most part, gay Twitter felt his pain:














(source: Pink News)

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