A sexologist decided to tell us why straight men are having sex with other men.
Dr. Nikki Goldstein is a specialist when it comes to the social and psychological aspects that come with sexual expression. She then uses her experience and education to help others discuss and understand their sexual needs and lives through written articles and her new podcast Sex and Life. Recently, she used her connections and expertise dissected this topic in an article for News.com.au, and express a few thoughts on why straight men explore gay sex and how we should react to it.
1. Personal Anonymity Is Key
Goldstein explains that she’s heard several stories about the gay men engaging with straight men just looking to have a fun time. In most cases, the men were looking to have that fun with as few strings as possible.
A friend of Goldstein’s, who was referred to as Max in the article, shared that gloryholes are great because they help to keep identities a secret.
“The majority of straight men who are going to a glory hole are going because they don’t want to see who is on the other side. It is about just getting off,” said “Max.”
“Is it that easy to find another girl who is just willing to give a blow job and say nothing more? Guys know what other guys are like. Guys just want to (get off). It sounds harsh, but it’s true.”
2. It Feels Good
But why are men who identify as straight even having sex with other men? Because it feels good in a different way than straight sex.
When men don’t let their lives and experiences be limited by labels and societal beliefs, they can enjoy sexual experiences that are just as good as those with women.
This is a perspective shared by a straight man, referred to a Paul in the article, who admits to enjoying his fair share of time with other men. He says he had to get used to the idea of gay sex, but he’s happy he did.
Paul’s advice to other straight men feeling conflicted about gay sex is to, “Try to understand it and embrace it. I think there are so many more men out than the world realises, than woman realise, that enjoy a different type of stimulation.”
He added, “I would think that society would be amused by the number of men that are out there that seek a slightly different adventure and it doesn’t necessarily mean in any way shape or form that they are gay or bi. They are just wanting to experiment and have a bit of fun just like we see girls out there on the dance floor.”
3. Be Careful Of Labels
But by having gay sex, can these men really claim that they’re straight?
Ultimately, the biggest message of Dr. Goldstein’s article is that we need to find a way to be comfortable with our sexual interests. And while labels are good for self-identification, self-empowerment, and for understanding the world & others, they can also be limiting. Because of that, we should be careful with the power we give labels.
“If you are attracted to sex with men and you are straight, do we have to put a label on it?” stated Max. “There isn’t a straight forward answer, it’s a complex issue about sexual identity, labels, mixed with cultural expectations.”
As for Dr. Goldstein, she says we should just let people live the way they want to live.
“We all have a right to change our minds and go with the flow. Isn’t that what being true to ourselves is all about? Why should we correct someone’s label if they are comfortable with it?”
She added, “As the number of sexual labels increases and the complexity of how we identify grows, maybe the answer is to understand how someone lives their life, not try change or correct them if we don’t agree.”