So You Wanna Get Gay Married

For the past year and a half my partner and I have been planning our wedding. That’s right, the beloved same-sex union that everyone dreams about! The glitter fanfare with swan ice sculptures and fabulous rainbow velvet drapes that every guest will gag over—at least, that’s what everyone is expecting, right?

It’s been difficult to make decisions for the big day because with every road block comes another road block. What should we wear? Who should be invited? Indoor or outdoor? What should we serve our guests? Every decision has been a struggle because we want to make sure that it is the right celebration for us. In the early stages we were also concerned over what type of wedding people wanted to attend. We even looked into booking a drag queen to host our reception because we thought that’s the type of exuberant extravaganza our guests would enjoy, but decided we didn’t want anything to feel like we were trying too hard—


–wouldn’t that have been amazing though? His and His deathdrops!



The media has engrained in us a false representation of what it means when two men or two women exchange vows. It’s because of these cliché perceptions of what a “gay wedding” should or shouldn’t be that has had us pulling our hair out during the planning stages. Just look at these examples and you’ll see why gay weddings have been ruined for everyone:


Okay, maybe this is a bad example since Sex in the City 2 was already such a disappointment, but you get the idea.


Alright, this one is nice, but who has Ellen Degeneres kind of money to pull something like this off?


I’ll admit, Mitch and Cam’s wedding on Modern Family was really touching and full of mishaps, so maybe it’s the closest to what real nightmares weddings can be.

When SCOTUS ruled in favor of marriage equality in 2015 the outpour of emotion from couples resounded around the nation and undoubtedly brought an influx of business to the wedding planning industry. But was this newly found law of the land a burden in disguise? After decades of fighting for the LGBTQIA community, many feel that the acknowledgment of same-sex unions has catapulted us into a heteronormative classification of what it means to be “married”. These ideas of white dress, fairytale weddings have left us confused and wondering “What is the perfect wedding for us?” In reality, we all love in our own way and we should be able to marry in whatever individual way we’d like–with as much or as little glitz and glamour, tulle, succulents and mason jars as we want.

That being said, do we not deserve the same right to pick out linens, go cake tasting, select florals and audition bands? We also want to be faced with the same stressors of wedding planning. It’s a beautiful thing! Let us feel our oats!

There are so many resources that are inclusive of gay weddings and have elevated our right to marry by offering ways to get creative and customizing your special day. Here are some I particularly like:

·         The Knot has been extremely helpful in providing ideas and inspiration for us as we prepare to make the biggest leap in our relationship. They are a beacon of information loaded with advice, testimonials, and resources for the big day.

· is a branch of Wedding Wire that also includes lots of great ideas for your wedding, but is especially nice because it provides real wedding stories by individuals who have found love and tied the knot.

· provides a nice list of preferred vendors that are LGBTQIA inclusive, fully searchable by location as well as tips and tricks for your wedding day.

Planning my own wedding has brought me to the realization that there is no right or wrong way to get married. I never knew how much I wanted to declare my love for my partner until I started discovering what it takes to make each detail of our special day just right. The eccentricities of who we are as a couple have come out in the choices we have made for our wedding celebration.

By default gay weddings are already so unique. They are the manifestation of two people and only these two people can dictate what is appropriate for them. We have found this out on our own terms. With less than three months left until our big day, my partner and I have conquered the wedding demons and have coordinated an intimate gathering with our closest friends and family—and there may or may not be glitter, but that’s our choice!

Truth is, we are fortunate to live in a country where we are free to love and live with whomever our heart chooses and in our own perfect ways we celebrate this. #LoveisLove

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