Earlier today, I was looking around the internet when I discovered an article on LifeSiteNews.
The article was penned by Doug Mainwaring who’s a co-founder of the National Capital Tea Party Patriots, and an openly gay man against same-sex marriage.
Now, I could focus this article to discuss and debate Mainwaring’s views on same-sex marriage, and surprisingly there are some aspects that I agree with, but that’s not the point of this article.
In the LifeSiteNews article, Mainwaring directly uses Instinct Magazine to express his perspective on gay sites/blogs and same-sex marriage. Using five articles, he states that same-sex marriage is the antithesis of marriage.
“It is anti-conjugal and anti-complementary. It is genderless. It is sterile.”
“It exists to normalize sodomy, which is the sole binding element holding the entire LGBT movement and culture together.”
“At the same time, the lowest common denominator virtues of monogamy, sexual self-control, personal modesty, parental role modeling, and paternal care are completely, unashamedly absent from these truth-based articles.”
But, of course, Mainwaring’s reasoning and defense are deeply biased and nonsensical, and I’ll explain how.
The five articles used were last week’s top story posts found at the top and right of the home page.
While it seems that Mainwaring is a frequent reader of Instinct, as he started the article talking about an advertisement that’s been playing on the site “for a few weeks,” he didn’t bother to go through the site to back his perspective. He only used what could be found on the front page.
The first article reference, which he also acknowledged didn’t back his theory, was an article I wrote. It’s a short piece explaining that a male prostitute outed several priests in a 1,200 page dossier that was sent to the Vatican.
Simply put, this article has nothing to do with same-sex marriage, so let’s move on.
The second article covered actor/singer Ricky Martin’s thoughts on his role for American Crime Story: The Assassination of Gianni Versace in which he plays a man in an open relationship.
While some fault belongs to the initial Instinct Magazine article for incorrectly quoting Martin’s words, Mainwaring falls for it and then incorrectly uses it to defend his perspective.
You see, the Instinct article wrongly quotes Martin’s response to being asked if he’d met the real Antonio D’Amico. Martin responds yes and then says he told D’Amico that he wanted to correctly represent him and his love of Versace.
“I want to normalize relationships like this. It’s good for the world; it’s good for me as a gay man with kids. It’s important that we shed some light on power couples like this, even though he was quiet and behind the scenes and he was just there supporting his man for 15 years.”
I believe, in this moment Martin was focusing on gay relationships in power and not just open relationships. He meant that we need to celebrate strong gay love on tv (including this particular open one), because that representation can impact our views in real life.
That said, the second part of the quote on the IM post does actually talk about open relationships.
“The level of commitment after 15 years. The level of security between them and trust between them is so solid. We want to normalize another kind of reality for open relationships. And that’s what we’re doing. There’s absolutely nothing wrong. We’re just two very self-secure men that are completely in love with each other, that trust each other to the maximum level, and here we are.”
The IM post jumps to a later section in the Vulture article when Martin talks about being committed to the role and representing this real life relationship, but there’s still a mistake here.
The full quote for this section reads:
“The silent person behind the scenes, yeah. One of the toughest scenes that I shot [was] the first, the interrogation when the FBI is investigating Antonio. It was a very excruciating scene for me. I mean, this guy was opening every door that was a secret from Gianni’s and Antonio’s relationship. I’m talking about bringing men into our lives. I’m talking about bringing escorts. That exposure is very heavy, and it can be extremely uncomfortable for me, for the family, but I’m here doing a job, and the story, once again, needs to be told, for people to see the level of unity between these two. The level of commitment after 15 years. The level of security between them and trust between them is so solid. We want to normalize another kind of reality for open relationships. And that’s what we’re doing. There’s absolutely nothing wrong. We’re just two very self-secure men that are completely in love with each other, that trust each other to the maximum level, and here we are. But the scene was very intense and painful. Excruciating. It was a long day.”
Here, Ricky Martin isn’t so much championing the open relationship cause, but stating that he had to act the part of a man in a loving and stable open relationship, and represent it well to audiences that don’t understand that life.
Simply put, Martin was not discussing the importance or role of open relationships in real life, but talking about acting as a member of a real life open relationship. As such, both that one Instinct article and Mainwaring are wrong for trying to use Martin’s words to push their agendas.
The third article referenced was about Tom Daley’s latest photo leak. Mainwaring used this as an opportunity to criticize the sanctity of Daley’s marriage to tv creative Dustin Lance Black and their plans to have a child through surrogacy.
My response to Mainwaring’s use of this article doesn’t need a big rundown, because simply Mainwaring shows bias here.
So what if Daley had a photo leak? While yes, you could make an argument about the promiscuity of Daley, that does not largely affect his capabilities as a husband and potential father.
How many straight people have had sex before marrying and having children? Why is it a problem that Daley has had sex with people other than Black? Because pictures show proof of this past? This is a non-issue.
And the same could be said for the third article which was about actor Russell Tovey’s fiancé Steven Brockman potentially being a former gay porn star.
While many may have their own thoughts about someone being a porn star, no one can assume how a relationship will flourish or deteriorate.
Even if Brockman was a former porn star, which he never confirmed, does that make him incapable of being a loving husband? Absolutely not.
Lastly, the LifeSiteNews article references the coverage of porn director Michael Lucas who’s decided to record every sexual interaction he has. Basically, this man, who’s married, is making a business out of his bedroom.
While I personally grit my teeth at this story, I can also recognize that this isn’t the norm for same-sex marriages. Michael Lucas doesn’t represent all gay people and their relationships. To think so is beyond silly.
And that’s what Doug Mainwaring’s article boils down to, beyond silly. It’s beyond silly to equate four articles as not only representative of all gay sites but also of all same-sex marriages.
And for the record, these stories generated the most on Instinct Magazine in that week or two because sex sells. Despite what we all like to believe or wish were true, a story with scandal or sex appeal will always generate more clicks (trust me, I’ve had many headaches about this fact). That’s true for gay sites and straight sites.
That said, that doesn’t mean Instinct or gay sites don’t share stories celebrating monogamy and dating only one person.
Doug Mainwaring argues that gay sites like Instinct Magazine don’t cover stories with “the lowest common denominator virtues of monogamy, sexual self-control, personal modesty, parental role modeling, and paternal care.”
Yet, he didn’t bother to dig further into the site to discover stories like:
- Gus Kenworthy’s boyfriend reminding him that he’s loved during the 2018 Winter Olympics,
- A Mexican gay man whose fiancé planned a Harry Potter wedding for him, even though he’s never seen the films, and went through with the wedding anyway.
- A cancer patient who fought for his partner’s right to use his donated sperm to start a family should he die,
- Actor Sean Hayes and his husband talking about their loving and committed relationship,
- Mr. Gay Ireland 2017, Stephane Lehane, going on a date with a deaf man and the two talking honestly, through sign language, about the struggles of dating/intimacy,
- A post sharing Instagram accounts that celebrate black, gay love (and not just white men showing their butts for likes),
- Or, a gay couple suing the US State Department in order to fight for their children’s rights.
These are only a few of the stories that I’ve written in the past year, so imagine that plus the stories written by my peers here at Instinct, and then imagine all the other stories written on other gay sites.
Same-sex marriage is not the antithesis of marriage and at the same time it is not the same as straight marriage.
Same-sex marriage is still something we are understanding more by the day. That said, same-sex marriage is as diverse as straight marriage and shouldn’t be put down because one man has a bias against it.
PS: This article is not anti-open relationships, but simply a reaction to the LifeSiteNews article. In addition, I apologize to the other Instinct Magazine writer for low-key calling him out. I'll buy you a coffee sometime.
PPS: This post is the opinion of this contributing writer to Instinct Magazine. Opinion pieces do not always reflect the stance of the magazine or the other contributing writers.