The Famous Advice Column Has Long History As LGBTQ Ally

Dear Abby advice column
(image via Dear Abby website)

Dear Abby clapped back at a homophobic senior who wanted advice after calling his own gay brother “disgusting.”

The man, who admits he has “some beliefs” that others find old-fashioned, shared with the advice maven that he consciously tries “to be tolerant of others’ feelings and beliefs.”


But when it comes to his younger brother, who is gay, the man’s coping mechanism has been to ignore that side of his life. Since the brother lives in another state, their relationship has been primarily long-distance via phone calls.

But a few months ago, it seems the “tolerant” approach went out the window during a phone chat. 

“While we were talking, the subject of sexuality came up, and I told him I find the fact that he is gay ‘disgusting,'” shared the senior before admitting “it was a poor choice of words.”

The man went on to say that what he “meant” was that he himself has always been heterosexual and never experienced any attraction for members of his own sex.


How that translated to the word “disgusting” is still unclear.

Explaining that he never intended his remark to be perceived as “judgmental.” And he added he’s left several messages for the brother apologizing for anything “objectionable” he said, but the younger bro now refuses to take his calls.

He closes his missive to Dear Abby asking for whatever advice she might have as he’s “desperate.”

The senior signs his request Feels Like A Fool In Washington. Read his full note here.


Dear Abby, in her inimitable style, gets straight to the heart of things explaining she’s “never understood why so many straight people spend so much time obsessing about what gay people might be doing behind closed doors.”

The wise one added, “THAT, to me, is disgusting.”

BAM! And we’re off and running…

Noting that the younger brother would have to be “a saint” to forgive the ugly remark, Dear Abby explains that the brother is merely doing what emotionally healthy people do – “erasing a negative influence from his life.”


She adds that he could try to pen a “heartfelt letter of apology and remorse” that includes a promise to never use the “disgusting” word again. 

Dear Abby pointedly advises him that should the brother remain unreceptive, “you will just have to live with it.”

(image via Depositphotos)

This isn’t the first time Dear Abby (also known as Jeanne Phillips) has stood up for the LGBTQ community.


In 2018, a “shocked” mother wrote to the advice column after her daughter came out as lesbian. DA told the woman straight away to “apologize and tell her you overreacted.”

In 2015, a heart-broken lesbian grandmother asked for advice when her son and daughter-in-law stopped talking to her and effectively shut her out of her new grandson’s life. Dear Abby urged the woman to “find other outlets for your maternal instincts and go on with your life because any child would be blessed to be a part of it.”

And back in May 1981, the advice column came back with one of its most famous pieces of advice on gay matters.

Some residents in San Francisco’s Nob Hill wrote saying they were ‘concerned’ after what appeared to be a gay couple moved in across the street.

Asking what they could do “to improve the neighborhood,” the original Dear Abby, Pauline Phillips, replied, “Dear Residents: You could move.”

(source: Dear Abby)

3 thoughts on “The Famous Advice Column Has Long History As LGBTQ Ally”

  1. Just a clarification: her response “You could Move” comes from a column she wrote in 1972. Perhaps it was reprinted in 1981 but it originated in 1972. I think that makes it all the more impressive

  2. Dear Abby and Ann Landers were beacons of hope and light in a time of mean spiritedness and lack of love. We owe them a debt of gratitude!

  3. Dear Abby and Ann Landers were both so far ahead in human compassion and understanding. Both were great women, just Dear Abby’s daughter is now.


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