The Highs and Lows of Being in a Long-Distance Relationship

For years I’ve been told that love will hit you when you least expect it. I’ve also thought that mindset was a crock of s**t.

The jaded side of me had a hard time believing it, even though most of my friends and family members who have found successful relationships have had that happen to them. I was happy for them of course but wondered if that sort of thing would ever find its way to me.

Dating for me has been a sport that I’ve never really been able to conquer. Living in a big city like New York City (Manhattan) places obstacles in front of you that you don’t really know how to deal with. Most people here, no matter what their sexuality, seem to be hyper-focused on their careers and have an “all about me” mentality. It also truly is the city that never sleeps as we New Yorkers are always on the go with little time to sit back and enjoy our surroundings. Dating is included in that latter statement.

I’m sure these are issues that happens in small towns as well, but I’ve never really dealt with that. So, my luck in dating in The Big Apple has resulted in short-lived relationships, dinners out that turn into either nothing or a blossoming friendship, or the occasional sex opportunity that is great for the moment.

A lot of the guys that I have fallen for are always geographically undesirable in that I’ll meet them if they are visiting, or someplace else online, think they are great, but nothing will ever materialize due to the distance between us. It’s a problem that I’ve forced myself to step away from any time a cute guy hits me up from afar on an app or social media platform.

That changed, however, back in September when I DM’d a dude who I briefly chatted with in the past. I didn’t think there would be much chemistry as his Instagram profile was very one-note and focused on his bodybuilding (serious poses, flexing videos, etc). However, I knew he was very attracted to me, so I figured why the hell not and gave it a shot.

What happened after that was something I really didn’t expect (remember what I talked about in the beginning? Yeah, it finally happened to me). What I thought would initially be some simple chatting and exchanging of pics turned into something much deeper than I ever anticipated. There was (and is) a soul and heart to this guy that has made me fall head over heels in love with him. He’s the kind of guy this writer only dreamed about, yet that dream has become a reality and the attraction between us is mutual and continues to grow every single day.

Here’s the problem: He’s 3,000 f***ing miles away in California right outside San Francisco. F**k! It’s times like these that I wish I had some magical powers to zap myself to and from his place, but sadly, that sort of crap doesn’t exist, yet.

We talked for months but with the understanding that the distance could cause this to not work at all. I could’ve easily backed out before emotions got too involved, but I didn’t because I wanted to see how this would play out. So, I booked myself a trip to San Francisco last week and embarked on a journey of love (don’t gag please), hope, and so much more.

The anticipation of meeting him was on my mind the entire trip to JFK and on the flight to the opposite coast. What if the chemistry wouldn’t match up like it did on the phone and FaceTime? That “What If” situation played in my head repeatedly as I tried to distract myself with a movie or two while mid-air (go see Glenn Close in The Wife, please).

I got off the plane and got his text to find the Gucci store that was right be the security entrance at SFO. The minute I saw that store, my heart sank. I knew he was close. Then, I saw him. Our eyes locked and he gave me the biggest hug and kiss in the world. All my fears and trepidations melted away and I knew this was going to be quite special.

The four days that I was there was nothing short of magical. There were small but memorable moments that I will cherish forever which made what we have so special. Everything from our love of music to our love for each other and so much more was there the entire time. I never got bored with him and I know he didn’t with me.

Then… I had to leave on Friday. The emotions from that kept cutting me like a knife as I would find myself sporadically crying with him and without him on the flight. It’s something I’m still emotional about a couple of days later. Regardless, we made the decision to become boyfriends and are officially in a long-distance relationship. Yay!

Now I must deal with the next steps and going back to the texting/calling/FaceTime-ing aspect of our coupling that we did for two months until I see him again. I hate it, I know he hates it too, but it's what we must do until we reunite.

I do worry about the costliness of seeing each other as we aren’t exactly within driving distance, but for now everything is smooth waters even though my head wants to make things a tidal wave of f***ery (I’m ignoring that).

I’m committed to making this work and I know he is as well. As someone who is new to all of this, the question I have is: how do you make long-distance work if you truly think the guy you are dating can be the one?

This post was created by one of our Contributing Writers and does not reflect the opinion of Instinct Magazine or the other Contributing Writers when it comes to this subject.

What do you think?