I have and always will be a big dude. It’s something that I was growing up, something that I was happy to be during my 20’s, and something that I continue to be as I get older. While many gay men fret and worry about every single calorie that they consume and what it takes to work that off, I simply don’t. And I’m happy to do so.
Granted, this mindset hasn’t always been the easiest to maintain. When you live in a city like New York, you are surrounded by a bevy of incredibly gorgeous men chiseled to perfection. Even attending RuPaul’s DragCon last weekend, there were half naked dudes representing a ton of brands who all fit the same 'in shape' mold.
Great for them (I mean that), and I think it’s fantastic that certain brands continue to do what they do to sell their products (seriously no shade) but representation for men over a size 32 in the media is still frighteningly small. Furthermore, there is little to no promotional materials at any events across the world that cater to guys like me. It’s the same go-go dancer type body plastered on posters at every single gay bar out there. Doesn’t this get redundant after a while?
It pains me that being into a husky or chubby or big guy is still taboo in 2018. For many years, I have heard the saying “you’re really cute for a fat guy” and so on and so forth. Why not just … “you’re really cute?" Being fat is something that I know I am, but I don’t necessarily need that additional asterisk to go along with the "cute" comment. If I was a muscular gym goer, would you say “god, you changed my mind on ripped dudes. F**k yeah!” Chances are, this is a no, because our brains have been trained to enjoy the 'in shape' body for years now, and it’s frustrating that this is still the mentality today.
I’m not someone who goes around wearing my weight with a badge of honor or anything, nor do I encourage anyone to gain weight for the sake of doing so, but there’s a confidence that builds within yourself as you get older. Things you used to care about become minimal if not extinct and what really matters becomes front and center.
You’ll hopefully find those gems out there that are into you for YOU and not for what you look like, how much money you make, or your reputation within the gay community. Those gems can be either in the form of friendships, sexual partner, or a relationship, and we are lucky to have them if they come along.
Separately, being comfortable in one’s skin is important in our community, especially with all the visualizations out there. Too many of us are committing suicide, inflicting self-harm, or becoming depressed due to our own image, and that's very frustrating.
As cheesy as it sounds, the bottom line in all of this is to love who you are because at the end of the day you go home to you. Am I technically fat? Yes. Do I care what you think about it? No. I’m happy to embrace the kind of guy that I am and will continue to do so in this life that I’ve been given. My hope is that everyone else in this community does the same, no matter who you are. Cue the very special episode music now.
This post was created by one of our Contributing Writers and does not reflect the opinion of Instinct Magazine or the other Contributing Writers when it comes to this subject.