Trump Dildos Are Really A Thing — And I Can’t Even!

IG/ @Hutchtastic

When it comes to social media, it’s so hard to tell what is real or what has been just posted as a joke. One such tweet stopped me dead in my tracks a couple of days ago, and as I examined it further, I determined there was a strong likelihood the tweet was real, as were the peculiar product it promoted and claimed to sell.

A now-suspended Twitter account for a page called Mike Oxmall’s Guns and Amo posted an image of what appeared to be a bevy of Trump dildos in various neon colors, including pink, purple, fuchsia, and of course nuclear orange. 


The caption read, “We are now selling homemade #TRUMP toys for that special lady in your life (NOT FOR MEN).” Following the caption was a slew of hashtags like #Trump2024 and #Trumpismypresident, so the whole thing seemed plausible. It wasn’t until I saw the hashtag #Trump2037 did I think someone was pulling a funny on Twitter and had created the Trump dildos in Photoshop. Or I thought maybe this was a clever anti-Trumper’s way of calling the orange menace a d*ckhead. Pretty funny, right?

Well, I began to investigate a bit further. Some people in the Twitter thread debated had the women of the Trump cult actually taken things this far (no pun intended considering Stormy Daniel’s assessment of Trump’s “tiny mushroom”)

Low and behold, my investigation into whether these items were genuine led me down the rabbit hole otherwise known as the internet and straight to an article from from 2017 that announced to the world, at that time, “There Are Trump Dildos Now Because We’re Actually In Hell.”

And I would agree with the author of that piece (whose last name happens to be Wang —I kid you not) that in 2017 we were, in fact, in the fast, downward spiral into the depths of Trump’s hell amid his second term as President. Maybe these sex toys made perfect sense at the time since we were all totally f*cked with him in office. 


In any event, I guess this could be a hit also not just for the ladies. They could be popular with those Trump-loving Log Cabin Republicans or maybe Trump’s most notable sellout gay, Richard Grennell. But, mmmm these toys look like they are not designed to go there —if you know what I mean.  Then again, to further quote Evelyn Wang from, 

“If you are in the market for a Trump-themed sex toy more suited to your anus, then I am happy to tell you that you’re in luck. Way back in 2015, in much simpler times, artist Fernando Sosa made a 3D-printed butt plug bearing the visage of then-presidential candidate Donald Trump. Ah, nostalgia.”

 Ah yes, nostalgia… and nausea!

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