As stated by the little girl in 2007’s I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, porpoises are a species of animal observed in the wild sometimes engaging in same-sex activities. But this… Phew! This takes foreplay to another level.
This past August, researchers in the South American country of Bolivia captured two male dolphins playing together in the Tijamuchi River. Normally, this wouldn’t be such a noteworthy moment, but the fact that the dolphins were aroused and carrying a live Beni Anaconda was perplexing enough that the event and following study wasn’t posted until last month in an edition of ESA Journals.
The 7-minute-long event, which is longer than some of you last in bed (don’t hate on the dolphins!), has baffled scientists since it was shared with the world. Some members of the community have argued that the dolphins were merely presenting the live anaconda as a toy to a female dolphin in a mating ritual (howdy!) or that the older male dolphin was teaching the younger dolphin how to play with other dolphins.
Or, according to marine mammal scientist Diana Reiss, the dolphins were just enjoying some bro-time with sexual stimulation and the anaconda was “something to rub on.”
Dolphins have a 7-inch penis that can “swivel” and bend, and they can have sex up to 5 times in one hour. As long as the dolphins here were consenting adults, swimming in unison in the beautiful Tijamuchi River, I see no problem with this homosexual wildlife encounter.
Unless you’re the anaconda, who researches believed died during foreplay…